Met a girl Online, so hard to give her up... She Broke up with me

[rahulovesyou]

Well firstly before I start , Please be gentle on me I know I've made mistakes in this relationship so please don't go bad mouthing me or blaming me.

Well I met a girl (She is 27) and I am 22 ... on instagram (She lives in Spain) and I live in Dubai.. and she started to text me (when she was with her boyfriend) , at first she it was casual talk but we both felt a connection but I kept telling her she had a boyfriend and I am not intrested in her not more than friends... then she told me the trurth and said he cheated on her and had sex with another girl and she didn't love him anymore but just tried to love him... and she said she loves me and wants to meet me... so we started to have long long skype date conversations... and then in November last year she finally came to meet me and we met .. I never had a girlfriend before , never kissed a girl nor had sex so it was all new to me though I ofcourse know how to treat a girl because I have sisters and girl- friends.....


It was two perfect weeks with her I lost my virginity to her and I kissed her and we went on dates and did a lot of things together and when it was time for her to leave she felt very very sad inside and when she went home she called me and started to cry and wanted to be with me...

But something happend before that... just before she came I noticed some weird Arab guy ( who definitely liked her and flirted with her) was talking to her and those kind of things... And I was a bit busy on the first day she arrived so I told her I'll be back soon and when I return back she said he asked for her number via instagram DM and she gave it... and this is the first thing I got mad at.. but not so mad.. I just told her if you respect me just delete him.. why do you need to talk to him when I am here with you for real... and this guy sent her messages like lets meet up... lets talk when your boyfriend is not there...


Okay she deleted him.... and then we had the perfect 2 weeks...


Then it was all skype calls for the next few months until she decided to come to see me for my birthday again in January... I was very excited and happy that I was going to see her sooner than ever!

But then I noticed she started to talk to him again.. and he was being flirty with her... but I didn't say anything but when she came in January I noticed he was sending her messages but very casual ones not flirty ones ... but she was there for one week and I decided not to hurt her or anything and let it go and ask her when she goes back to Spain....

But I noticed her behavior was very different the second time... she didn't want to hold my hand much and I kept asking her what's wrong what did I do wrong.. but she didn't tell me... and she made me cry a lot on the first day because I didn't know what was happening and felt like the worst person in the world...

Then again we had a perfect week and she was sad to leave again and I could feel all the love back but then she told me I didn't like your behaviour that you don't trust me and that you are posessive of me talking to this boy online.. she said I need to trust him. BUT she doesn't really know the mentality of the Arab people ( don't call me racist , but I live in the UAE and I know what the boys do ) they screenshot photos from snapchat and instagram and upload them as their girlfriends or put them on adult websites.. I was just protecting her...

No matter how much I told her that she never listened and insistented on talking to this boy..

But then she deleted him anyway and we became normal and we had all the love going...

But just after Valentine's day she went out with her friend and didn't text me all day... and I am so used to her texting me , even when she is out with her friends or anyone she always texts me and says I love you... but I didn't hear from her for 9-10 hours.... but I saw her liking another Arab man's photo and I just said to her Please what happend why don't you love me anymore that you have time to like photos when you are out with your friends but no time to talk to your own boyfriend? What did I do wrong??

Maybe this part sounds childish but I am so used to her texting me all the time in the start of our relationship and I always used to do the same to her when I am out with my friends...

Then she lost it that day and broke up with me...... I was so sad.... but she said I was a really nice guy and didn't want to block me...... but at the same time some girl messaged her on instagram asking for my number because she wanted to talk to me.. so she said look this girl is asking your number..... maybe you can start a relationship with her.....

I got so angry when she said this.. because it was only like a few hours after we broke up... so I said okay if you don't love me then give this girl my number.... since now we are just friends.. AT this point she got so mad at me and blocked me... ( I only said it because she was being childish and saying start a relationship now with this girl...... But still inside I loved this girl...)

I waited for a day and then emailed her... I said horrible rude things to her out of anger and being so hurt inside... ( THIS IS MY FAULT entirely) after this she never replied... but then I kept emailing her and then she said she never wants to see me again in her life and I am nothing to her anymore....

Now this really breaks my heart.. because I was honest in our relationship , I was true... I always respected her.. being far away and I never flirted with any girl.. and I don't understand that she flew all the way 2 times to see a stranger and start a relationship with me but decides to end it all in one day... I find it so hard to understand and let it go from my mind...

How do I let her go ? I still love her like crazy and feel so bad on how much money and time and love she spent on me!

If not a relationship I still want to care about her in the future or atleast once a year send her a birthday card and flowers to say Thank you for all that you have done for me in my life.. because I am a person who gets too emotionally connected once I know someone and I care for that person and forgive them whatever they may have done to me.


Thank you for reading all this!

[R&R]

Welcome to LFAD. Honestly, this relationship was a bad scenario in every way possible and it’s too bad this was your first experience in a relationship. Sadly, your first relationship was with a narcissistic person who had no regard for her current bf, you or the new man she started talking to. It was truly all about her and she had no regard for anyone else. She used your naiveté to her full advantage.

Breakups can be rough but truly that very first one can be one of the toughest since you don’t have any experience to fall back on. First, in this scenario I would implement a no contact rule. There is absolutely no reason to stay in any sort of contact with her. You can forgive her in your heart and mind but forgiveness does not mean allowing someone to continue to hurt you. Unfortunately, she would. Plus, just because you are a kind soul doesn’t mean everyone is and some, as she has proven, will take advantage of that fact.

For now, concentrate on yourself. You deserve someone who is interested in only you and doesn’t play games. You should be with someone who also has a kind heart and wants to treat you as well as you treat them. Take this as a lesson learned – a chapter in your life that has been completed and does not need to go back and be re-read. Best of luck to you.

[rahulovesyou]

Thank you so much for your reply..

We met in a special way.. i.e. I am studying to be an Airline Pilot and she already has a license but no job... but she was everything I wanted in a girl.. ( Always thought of marrying a Pilot) .. our first kiss was at the airport (Another special thing for me) , with me wearing my uniform...

All these things keep coming to my head and so hard to forget.. I keep asking myself why did all this happen to me...

I never wanted her to breakup with her ex boyfriend I told her please I am not here to spoil your relationship but it was her decision...

I never thought of her to take advantage of me because inside I know she is very sweet and kind but I don't know what made her change her mind... I treated her right, send her gifts all the way from here to Spain for her birthday and Christmas and things like that... she sent me a text after we broke up and said it was because I was controlling her and possessive of her.. but I just didn't really like her texting some guy... but being so far how can I trust she is not flirting with this guy ? But now this guy has a girlfriend and I feel it was my mistake not to trust her in the first place...

[R&R]

Every relationship has something special about it. I started dating at 15, now I'm 45, and for every relationship I have had I can tell you something that was unique or special about each relationship. Don't take the fact that you had something unique about it as a sign that she was the one - you will find something special in every one that you have.

Considering she was dating another guy when she started talking to you, I can understand your being worried about her talking and texting a new guy. She has set a precedence with how your relationship started. You would have to have trust that she's not flirting with the other guy. But as I said, she flirted with you when she had a boyfriend so it makes sense that you would think she was flirting with him. Even though you had told her not to break up with her bf for you, she was already technically cheating on him. It's hard for a relationship to last where one of them was involved with someone else when you met. You have the initial distrust from the beginning because you KNOW they have done it before.

I think you are better off without her. It will take time but in time, you will look back and realize that it wasn't the right one for you.

[rahulovesyou]

Yes I had this insecurity and distrust from the beginning.. well after I came to know about this guy she was talking to it, I would get anxious and wake up at nights and feel weird about things.. I just didn't want to loose her or get hurt...

I kept thinking she was kind of like God sent for waiting all these years and finding the perfect girl... and then suddenly she is gone..

Also another mistake I felt I made was after she left for the first time back home.. I kept asking her , do you like someone else? Because I felt she was hanging on to this guy or something... I kept feeling very insecure .. and she told me this made her feel very weird inside and made her feel I was a kid... and also that the fact that I was 23 and she was 27 she kept saying I know better...

I was also very insecure about her past... she has had multiple sex partners both casual and boyfriends.. and I am a type of guy who didn't ever want to sleep with a girl until I found the right one... but now she took that away too and I feel so bad inside and crushed....

But thank you I know now I am better off without her... but still part of me says "She did amazing things for you... she flew all the way across the world to see a guy without knowing me for a long time... she spent a lot of money on you... to make you happy...."

All these words in my head it's so hard and I had a lot of anxiety back in our relationship from all these problems.... I don't understand why she loves to chat with these arab guys.. who are up to no good...

And after we broke up the next day she immediately followed him back and probably chats to him now...

I feel so stupid inside for trusting her from the day one... And i have tickets to see her in Spain soon... and partly because she bought me tickets to see my favorite band Coldplay in Spain during that time ... but now she said don't even come near me or I will call the Police... I can't believe someone can change so fast

All I wanted was more love nothing else

[TheSteelAngel]

Thank you so much for your reply..

We met in a special way.. i.e. I am studying to be an Airline Pilot and she already has a license but no job... but she was everything I wanted in a girl.. ( Always thought of marrying a Pilot) .. our first kiss was at the airport (Another special thing for me) , with me wearing my uniform...

All these things keep coming to my head and so hard to forget.. I keep asking myself why did all this happen to me...

I never wanted her to breakup with her ex boyfriend I told her please I am not here to spoil your relationship but it was her decision...

I never thought of her to take advantage of me because inside I know she is very sweet and kind but I don't know what made her change her mind... I treated her right, send her gifts all the way from here to Spain for her birthday and Christmas and things like that... she sent me a text after we broke up and said it was because I was controlling her and possessive of her.. but I just didn't really like her texting some guy... but being so far how can I trust she is not flirting with this guy ? But now this guy has a girlfriend and I feel it was my mistake not to trust her in the first place...

Hmm it sounds like to me you fell in love with being in love. You had an idea of the perfect girl in your head and you portrayed it onto her. That's very common in someone's first relationship. You are a very kind soul and I truly feel for you because this exact same situation happened to me. You only dated her for a few months so at least this didn't continue for years. Take all the time you need to grieve. Think of all the good times you had and then tuck them away. I agree with R&R about the no contact rule. She told you that she doesn't want to speak to her anymore and so be it. There's nothing more you can do, but be kind to yourself and move on. Good luck to you

[rahulovesyou]

Hmm it sounds like to me you fell in love with being in love. You had an idea of the perfect girl in your head and you portrayed it onto her. That's very common in someone's first relationship. You are a very kind soul and I truly feel for you because this exact same situation happened to me. You only dated her for a few months so at least this didn't continue for years. Take all the time you need to grieve. Think of all the good times you had and then tuck them away. I agree with R&R about the no contact rule. She told you that she doesn't want to speak to her anymore and so be it. There's nothing more you can do, but be kind to yourself and move on. Good luck to you

Well after the first time we met and she left back home, she printed all our pictures put them up on the wall and all these kind of things even got a phone cover of our photos... all this led me to believe she was truly the one.... I felt so crazy in love with her.... I knew I loved her and we were making plans for the future I was trying to change my base so I can move closer to her and then ultimately live together and she was trying to move to Dubai as well...

It's just that I find it hard and still in shock that someone who was so much in love with you suddenly can leave in one day and give up just because you ask them " Why didn't you text me"....

Also we were really close with each others parents.. I used to speak to her mom every week and she used to text my my mom all the time.. we were perfect until all my insecurities about her came along...


but now I know the damage has been done and I've said wrong things and yes I will be in no contact and she has already blocked me from everywhere but in the future I wish she would forgive me and we can be friends when she is with someone else...

I also want to learn what mistakes did I make... I mean is asking your loved one "Why are you talking to this guy" wrong ?? I mean he was up to no good and I only wanted to protect her from anything... and there were so many people texting her and telling her to meet them when she put up pictures with me while she was here.. weird Arab guys saying Come meet me when your boyfriend is out of town and things like that and it hurt me....

I am still confused what is normal and not normal in a relationship now after all this

Thank you so much for your time!

[sunmat]

EDIT: Deleted

[rahulovesyou]

It happened when she was here with me .. she deleted the messages but told it to me to my face, and told me you need to trust me.. But the problem is she was actually replying to them casually and talking even though they said those things... If someone said that to me I would immediately just block them

[TheSteelAngel]

Well after the first time we met and she left back home, she printed all our pictures put them up on the wall and all these kind of things even got a phone cover of our photos... all this led me to believe she was truly the one.... I felt so crazy in love with her.... I knew I loved her and we were making plans for the future I was trying to change my base so I can move closer to her and then ultimately live together and she was trying to move to Dubai as well...

It's just that I find it hard and still in shock that someone who was so much in love with you suddenly can leave in one day and give up just because you ask them " Why didn't you text me"....

Also we were really close with each others parents.. I used to speak to her mom every week and she used to text my my mom all the time.. we were perfect until all my insecurities about her came along...


but now I know the damage has been done and I've said wrong things and yes I will be in no contact and she has already blocked me from everywhere but in the future I wish she would forgive me and we can be friends when she is with someone else...

I also want to learn what mistakes did I make... I mean is asking your loved one "Why are you talking to this guy" wrong ?? I mean he was up to no good and I only wanted to protect her from anything... and there were so many people texting her and telling her to meet them when she put up pictures with me while she was here.. weird Arab guys saying Come meet me when your boyfriend is out of town and things like that and it hurt me....

I am still confused what is normal and not normal in a relationship now after all this

Thank you so much for your time!

Ok first of all you did nothing wrong. Absolutely nothing. She was the one who wronged you and I hope you will be able to understand this sometime. She was acting unfaithful since the very beginning. There is nothing wrong with wanting answers. She only felt "insecure" because she was cheating on you. If you are in an exclusive relationship you should not be talking to anyone else. You were in the right when you asked her about it and if she respected you she should have cut all contact with him permanently. It's not like they were best friends irl or anything so that should not be unreasonable. The only thing you did wrong, however, was that you ignored the signs of her unfaithfulness. Next time you have a gut feeling that something is wrong you need to listen to it. That's my advice to you.

[rahulovesyou]

Ok first of all you did nothing wrong. Absolutely nothing. She was the one who wronged you and I hope you will be able to understand this sometime. She was acting unfaithful since the very beginning. There is nothing wrong with wanting answers. She only felt "insecure" because she was cheating on you. If you are in an exclusive relationship you should not be talking to anyone else. You were in the right when you asked her about it and if she respected you she should have cut all contact with him permanently. It's not like they were best friends irl or anything so that should not be unreasonable. The only thing you did wrong, however, was that you ignored the signs of her unfaithfulness. Next time you have a gut feeling that something is wrong you need to listen to it. That's my advice to you.

Thank you so much for being kind with me... It's so hard to face reality and yes being my first love it's so hard to control the emotions and be happy about things again... I try to keep telling myself everything will be fine.. it's hard somedays are good somedays I wake up at night with a lot of anxiety my heart racing fast... and all these thoughts come up to my mind...

I just know that love hurts so much now I hope to get over this soon...

I think it hurts more because I did everything I could for her with the distance but still she couldn't be happy..

Yes I can see she is unfaithful in this aspect.. she just loves to speak to everyone... this is her real nature...

In the last few months we skyped less and less because she wanted to talk to her friends more sometimes or do her own things and with the distance I thought that atleast 5 minutes per day is important to speak on skype and see each other's face no matter how busy we are.. I used to be awake till 2 AM every night just for her to be free to say goodnight and kiss her on Skype...

All this hurts me so much....

I am sorry for moaning about it.. but I need to let it all out !

[Miasmata]

There's never anything wrong with someone having lots of friends, and while listening to your gut feeling is good, definitely don't take it to the other extreme and get paranoid/distrustful. What it really comes down to is how someone treats you, individually. Someone who has lots of friends and still makes you feel like a priority is a good partner. You deserve someone who makes you feel respected and important, and who doesn't cheat on you. Give yourself time to heal and cope, and seriously be kind to yourself, you really deserve it, especially now.