I will see them in...

[redv]

Hi guys,

So, I have only been on this forum for about a week and it's been amazing with the help everyone has given.
I see a count down forum until you close the distance, and advice on depression/anxiety which has been amazing.

I would love to start this forum to ask how often you see your partner until you officially close the gap.

What do you do in the mean time?

For me,

I see my partner every two/three weeks and in the mean time we skype, play games and focus on the experience our job brings until we can move in together.

[R&R]

I have been with my SO for almost 2 1/2 years. For the first 21 months we saw each each other about every 3 to 4 months. Now, we haven't seen each other since last July and we don't have an upcoming visit planned. We both have very busy lives individually and because of that, though we miss each other, we do just fine.

We are hoping to close this distance by the end of this year but there are still some things up in the air. Because each of us will leave the state we live in now (him IN and me NH) and will be moving to Texas (his home state), he may move first and then I'll follow after I have secured a job.

[redv]

So glad to hear that you're stable like this. I hope to get to this point too.

I am lucky with the fact that I get to see my SO more often, so it helps. What doesn't help is my past and how that affects me. This makes me run from the moment things are perfect, but I want to fix this.

Do you have any advice to share? Since you have managed to make it work so well.

[R&R]

I actually think our past experiences have helped us to make this relationship work. We both went into this really knowing what we wanted and what we didn't. We've learned from previous relationships and that has certainly worked in our favor.

We are also both very independent and that is a huge positive. When we met, we both already had very busy and full lives of our own. We were able to incorporate each other and our relationship into our individual lives because it was something we wanted. We made sure to continue our time with family, friends, jobs and outside activities while maintaining our relationship. I really think this helped because there isn't so much focus and pressure on the relationship and stressing about the distance.

Communication and trust are essential. Due to our schedules, we don't get to Skype very often and phone calls may not last more than 5 or 10 minutes most times. We try to text every day. We have trust in each other and in our faithfulness to each other. When you don't have to spend time about what your SO is doing, who they are talking to, etc, it makes life so much easier.

We do have disagreements and arguments. We are FAR from the perfect relationship. We just both want it to work and that means through the good and bad points of the relationship, we work together to make sure things are right.

[differentcountries]

We have dated internationally 2 1/2 years. In the beginning we saw each other about a long weekend every 2 months, then I got this amazing deal with work because my boss is a trouper so I was able to see SO for a week every single month for more than a year and we sort of rented a flat together. and we also spent a month together on 3 occations. Now we are back to about every 2 months, don't really know how it will play out because I have not started a new job yet but I hope we will see each other every 2nd month at least. We are saving money to pay off debt and hopefully close the distance.

We don't skype very much these days, he stayed with his family where Skype was pretty bad so we got used to calling instead. Apart from that, we are in touch over Viber a lot, texting, sending emojii and posting each other pictures. We are also in touch over Facebook. In the past I did lots of letters, photo books etc, perhaps I will do that again. When I miss him, I listen to Turkish music, eat spicy food and wear his clothes.

We hope that he will come visit me by the end of the year (he has only had one visit to me so far, it is easer for me to get a visa) and we also plan to visit his family again this year (if I am going to steal their boy away, at least I can show my face). And he wants to learn my language. Possably, he can come here next year for a longer stay, on a temporary work visa. We plan for him to move here, if we can make it happen. We also want to buy a summer house in his country.

It is helpful for our relationship that we are both the kind of people to need alone time to get energized. The problem is that we can do this together (in the same room) when we are together physically, but we dont seem to be able to make that happen over Skype. This used to cause a lot of tension, but now we just go along with it and recently made a deal to only Skype when we have lots of energy. We are still in contact every day, and I don't feel like I have lost anything even if we Skype very little. I know his daily routine and he knows mine, we will share details over Viber a lot and share worries, joys and important decitions. He works VERY much and that puts restrictions on the kind of contact we can have, it helps that I know where he works (and visit his work place when I am there, the upside of dating a waiter!). I find that we fussed a lot about things in the beginning, now we just trust each other and if we wonder, we ask. It makes everything so much easier.

[MissingMyDutchLove]

We have been dating two and a half years. We're hoping to close the distance in August. We've had kind of a bizarre pattern depending upon what we each having going on in our lives. It's been roughly 4-7 months in-between visits, with us both being able to stay 6 months in each others' countries. We've been really really lucky that we basically have been CD half the time we've been together and (hopefully) the distance will be closed before we celebrate 3 years. We never dreamed we'd be CD so soon!

In-between visits we are pretty busy in our own lives. We have both been working and going to school while still maintaining our own social lives, so that doesn't leave a ton of leftover time. We try to have weekly, if not daily, dates for talking, playing games, and watching movies.

[Dwessie]

I just wanna even know which country we'll live in.
We still haven't picked, and we know we can't until I go up there.

[Ella85]

We've been together a year and a half and we've had 4 trips. I've been very lucky really since I had some money saved, I never could of afforded to go so frequently otherwise. I've been to him 3 times and he's been here once. We waited 4 months before meeting, then 5 months between the first and second visit. 3 between the 2nd and 3rd and 2 between the 3rd and 4th. We are closing the distance in the summer, but I'm waiting on my visa. So although I have a provisional count down, it isn't official until I get my visa and book my flights. For me it has always really helped having a date knowing when we will next see each other, but this time I'm finding it really hard because I don't know when I can see him again. I am packing up my apartment and don't have a moving date, can't hand any final notices etc. I'm finding it stressful. We are very lucky that we can close the distance so soon, but we have planned together a lot over the past year and a half.

[JaneEmily]

Been together 4.5 years, closing the distance in 9 days but we have the advantage of not needing VISAs because I'm in the UK and he is only in The Netherlands.

[Phantomrose]

I've been with my partner for nine years now. We have been dating for five years, and been married for four. During that time period, we had a total of six visits. The first two visits were only about two weeks long, and happened in 2010, and 2012. During 2012, we've decided to marry. From December of 2012, to Jan of 2013 I went to his country for about three weeks. Then, from August 2013 to October 2013 I visited again for two months. In September of 2014, he came over to the States for a visit, and we left together for a visit in England in November. I stayed 'til March of 2015, then went back to the states. Then, last year, he came from December to January, and I went back with him to stay again in England from January to March. I am going to his country again, from December of this year to March of next year. We both found it easier to spend about two to three months in each other's countries, which makes our visits technically last 5 to six months out of the year with each other. During the waiting period between visits, I will work, go horse riding, and Skype with my husband on my off days... on some off days we will find something to do together. In the meantime, he has been applying to more financially stable jobs in England. I eventually want to move there to be with him, but we both have to wait until he makes the financial requirement or above before we can apply for the visa.

[Alle1770]

We've been together almost 5 years, and we manage 1-3 trips to visit one another each year. The trips last between 4 weeks and 5 months, it's really just a question of what we can make work with school and jobs and whatnot. The longest we've gone between visits was something like 9 months, and the shortest was 2 weeks right in the beginning of our relationship! Thankfully he works in his family company so he's got a bit more lax restrictions when it comes to vacation which is awesome. While we're apart we Skype every day, watch movies every now and then, play games like WoW together, send care packages. Then we do a lot of stuff "on our own" too, like working out, reading stuff we haven't had time for, learning new skills and whatnot. It's all just a way to make time pass before the next visit

[AJG96]

We will have been together for 2 and a half years this August. We've had 3 visits, all of them involved me travelling to Norway. The first being two weeks, the second being one week, and the third being almost an entire month. We're not sure when we'll meet again, however I'm hoping to start the process of moving to Norway within the next 2 years. My SO is hoping to come here to the US sometime in the near future, and I want to go to Norway again, hopefully for springtime next year.

It's a bit difficult to do anything this summer, since I started my new job last month and feel like being a new employee it'd look bad if I suddenly said "Hey can I have (insert time period here) off?" I'll have to explain this to my managers, because I haven't had much time to let them know I'm engaged to someone living in Norway. All in due time. I just hope that I can get more than a week off when I do ask.

[rache82]

Each relationship is so individual. If I could see my SO every few weeks I'd be laughing, but since we're on opposite sides of the world it's not possible. I think for us, it will be every six months at the most. I guess when ya think about it, it goes by pretty fast, not that I wish my life away, but, not having met him yet (though perhaps in Jan), we have figured it's the most we can do until we close the distance if it works out.