Does saying goodbye for a long time feel the same as breaking up to anyone else?

[moondance]

A few days ago we parted ways at the airport again. We won't be able to do another visit for at least 6 months. It was harder than last time. Both of us cried. When I got home I sat on my bed and realized that I had the same pit in my stomach that I've felt after a breakup. It felt so final.

Is this normal?

It took me by surprise. Is it just my brains way of coping with a grief that usually is associated with the end of a relationship?

I talked to him about it and he said he felt the same way, which reassured both of us that it was just part of the whole thing and the feeling has faded as we shift gears back to long distance mode.


I'm curious, has anyone else felt like this after saying goodbye for a really long time? What was your take on it?

[Redheart14]

I can relate. I closed the distance then had to move back due to a death in my family. I'm waiting for SO to move up here now. I visited him for his birthday and we have no planned date next either. It broke my heart saying goodbye so I completely understand how you feel.

[R&R]

I haven't seen my SO since last July and we still aren't sure when we will see each other again. Personally, in between any of our visits I've never felt like I did when a relationship ended. We are still together, we will see each other again, we still communicate, we are closer to closing the distance, etc.

[differentcountries]

The only time I left and it felt like a breakup, or worse, was when I left after the first visit specifially to him and I didn't have the next visit planned. I was utterly heartbroken.

Granted, we have not waited any longer than 3 months between visits. I assume it would be harder knowing I had to wait longer. But we have had goodbyes that were very hard on usl

As of now, I don't know when we will see each other again, we don't have a visit planned - I have time to go, but not the fonds. I see all the pictures of him, his workplace, the cat giving birth, all his guests and it breaks my heart knowing I am not there, but it also makes me feel close to him.

[sasad]

No, but it does hurt in a totally different way. In some ways I think its worse. Knowing you are together and still being apart. Knowing you cant just hang out any day on the fly, or spend this weekend coming up somewhere on the spur of the moment.
It is easier knowing we WILL be together again. Its just so hard.

[ChloChlo]

It's not quite the same as a breakup feeling for me. It is horrible though, especially when you don't have plans to look forward to. I agree with Sasad in that in some ways this feeling is worse than a breakup, because for me, sometimes the anger or relief I feel can distract me. But when saying goodbye, there's just...sadness and feeling alone.

[WarwickGuy]

I returned home from visiting my girlfriend a few days ago and I don't feel like it's a breakup. I feel sad, but in a different way to a break up, as I know I'll see her again in (hopefully) four months.

I think the thing that has hurt the most since getting back to England is realising how much being with her felt like I was at home (a feeling I've been lacking recently due to being away at university and family issues).

[Ella85]

After the first trip it was awful. It's got somewhat easier since. But this last time I burst into tears right at the airport everytime he went near the exit and in the end he said he was going to go as he didn't want me to be sad. It'll be about 4 months until we see each other again. It's only ever been 5 at most. But I find the longer times the worst. 3 months in between I managed ok.

[yassie]

Well for me and my partner, it does not feel the same as a break up, but it hard as hell. I am really use to bring all over europe, so it was never really hard for me to say godbye to anyone, until i Met my boyfreind, before i left for the first time, i did not Think i would miss him as much as i ended up doing. But i still felt like i was lucky since we was in the same time zone, and we talked a lot though the days. I Think one of the things that also helped was that we never Said godbye, only see you a lot later when i am around x-). But i was Harder for my so, couse he was usted to bring the one WHO "left" people, and now he was the one who stayed.

It still sucked, but we fokus a lot on what are we doing now, me with my Education and him with his jobs, and also was gonna be happening when i get "home", so in a lot for us is really not so much godbye but more okay i am gonna do something else for a while now.

But its hard and i give all you guys a Big hug, good work

[moondance]

God, I want to give everyone here a giant hug
I think it was so hard this time because our relationship has gotten a lot deeper and the 4 months that we waited felt like a lifetime...and this next gap is 6 months or more, depending on work.
It was just really hard on both of us this time. I hope we can close the distance early next year, but at the least I'm saving up all my vacation days for a visit.

[LivingInWonderland]

My boyfriend and I only get to see each other twice a year. I have never experienced a breakup, but it always seems to feel very final. I always take parting ways really hard. But I allow myself 3-5 days to mope and cry, and then I pull myself together, get back to my daily routine, and start counting down the days until I see him again. The hardest is when we don't have a date for the next meeting set. Then it really starts to feel like a breakup. For me, the goodbyes never get easier. They seem to get harder each time. But the hellos also get better and better. Which makes the long waits so worth it.

[sunnymess54]

I feel this way sometimes. I am hoping when I fly home this time that I won't feel that way but we will see. I try to stay as positive as possible and think to myself that this is only temporary and we can get through this.

[Phantomrose]

For me, the initial parting after a visit is always hard, and leaves temporary feeling of loneliness and loss for a few days. It usually takes me two days to a week to get into somewhat of a normal routine once I return home. My husband and I have also talked about how it feels weird at first, not being able to see each other everyday or do our own thing while being next to each other in person (if that makes any sense, lol.)

My husband and I see each other about once a year, but our visits usually last four to six months long (he stays in the US for a few months, then I go back in the UK for a few more.) I got back from the UK on March 30th, and planning on going from mid December to the end of February/beginning of March. There will be seven months left before we get to see each other again. What we try to do (and what works better for us) is when we have a set time to see each other again.

[harlequindoll]

Oh god...that pit in the stomach feeling. Crying for days.
We don't have a next time set in stone yet, which I guess makes it harder. If we had that, there would be a countdown to focus on.
It's my turn to go to him, and I don't have my passport yet.
I can relate in a way to the OP on this thread though. Maybe not the exact same as a breakup, but, to a degree, yes.

**Hugs for all of us who dare to love with seemingly impossible odds**

[TaraMarie]

My SO (who will be my husband in less than two months!) and I are together every weekend. And we vacation a lot, so some months we are together for two weeks! Yet every single Monday when he leaves I feel like my heart will break, even though I know he is coming back on Friday. This weekend we are flying to New Orleans to meet and stay until Monday afternoon. The following weekend I am already dreading because we are meeting in Orlando Friday night to visit my dad and he is flying back to NY Sunday night, instead of homes with me to fly back to NY Monday. One less day and I am stressing about it. I know we are luckier than most, but I still hate it. Tuesday and Wednesday is awful for me and I always feel like I can't do this anymore. By Thursday it's better and on Friday I am over the moon. We've been doing this four years next week, and the time between visit is has lessened from once every six weeks to once a week, but it still kills both of us. I just want long distance to end. But there is no end in Sight right now....