Hello all! I'm hoping for some advice or input from the Loving from a Distance community on a tough situation. In April of 2011, I met my current boyfriend who lives in Canada. (I'm in the US) The relationship was bliss, as any new relationship is. At the time I was wrapping up my senior year of highschool back in the States. Two years of distance went by and he couldn't deal with the distance and wanted to break it off for that reason. I was foolishly willing to do absolutely anything to be with this man. So after the application process and a few thousand dollars later, I packed up, left school, job, friends, and family and made the move with a 1 year visa. The first 4 months were rocky as I had to come to terms, with the fact that I had left everything behind and trying to get adjust to living somewhere so new. I should include that I made him pay most expenses because I made the move before finishing college and felt it was unfair. And I left a good paying job in the states for a lower end job not in my current field of work. (Which I now feel regretful about not completely splitting expenses, but this would never happen again) The last 8 months got a lot better. I made friends, got a job I loved, and was happy to be around my partner everyday and I was happy with the decision I had made to move, no regrets still! So when the day came to move in 2015, I was pretty devastated. I had thought that if all went well, I hoped that we would take the next step and do anything to be together. This was not the case. He told me that we would make it through like we always have. I had to somehow adjust to being long distance again after being around him everyday with no commitment, no plan of any sort for us.
Fast Forward to now, Its been about a year and 3 months since I've moved. We have gotten into arguments about the future, as he says he has few answers for me. He tells me he loves me and wants to be with me forever and that we will make it through anything like we always have, but no end date, no commitment. Even just to keep me sane and get through the distance. (5 Years!) He blames it on his dead end job, ( didn't get an education as he grew up with a medical condition), and has told me that he has no intentions of ever permenantly living in the US. My state is right beside his province.. a 7 hour drive. Really not that far. He has said he would only relocate down here temporary if I was to get a job and need experience, but ultimately he wants to move back up there. I believe this is partly selfish, but I also like it where hes lives and knows that he needs sufficient healthcare. I will be a nurse in a few years so I would have fine healthcare, I just think its more his stubbornness, and not wanting to leave his family.
In the past couple months, I have met a financially successful man (hes a new attorney) that has asked me to dinner and then another time to a rodeo. I have no said both times as I figured he would stop. The first time he asked, I told him I have a long distance boyfriend, but that I don't know where we are going, and that is the truth. After saying no to the rodeo, He insisted we go as just friends. He is from my old hometown of 13 years. I don't live there any more but its a 5 hour drive from me. He is my bestfriends boyfriends cousin, and she has told me that since my partner appears to not be giving me what I want, I should get to know this guy. She knows him very well and thinks hes a very sweet and genuine person. He loves to hunt, boat, fish, camp. I'm a very outdoorsy person so ofcourse, this is appealing to me as my partner isn't very outdoorsy besides golf. I was just over there for the weekend for her graduation and got to know him better. My sister and her boyfriend got to know him as well and we all had a great time. He gave me a ride home and metioned bringing his boat to where my family boats this summer. He is headed to my town this upcoming weekend for a friends wedding, and has asked me to again go to dinner with him, and I said I would do something so now we are going hiking. I know that this man got out of a 4 year relationship that he was engaged in 2 years ago. I think she left him for another man, but I can not confirm this yet. I talked with a few of my family/friends about this and they have said that it will not be any harm to simply get to know him and see how we get along. There will be no touching or kissing, Just getting to know him.
At the end of the day, I do know my boyfriend is there for me. Our texting has been less of late and seemingly lazier (lacks quality), but he continues to call and at least make some effort and will be visiting in August. His buddy just moved in so this could be a reason for it. That is the only concrete plan he has right now, to move in with the bestfriend and cousin. I guess things do naturally get more bland when you have been doing long distance for this long and know everything about one another. I do love my him a lot. I have waited, pondered and I still have glimmers of hope for us. For this reason, I am not ready to rip off the five year Band-Aid that is us (talking 7 years). Hes the only man Ive ever been with! I'm an extremely loyal person and if I had a plan/end date/proposal/promise ring/promise.. something! I would tell this man no. I know my partner knows I want more, but he just wont give it to me for as he says, "financial reasons" or just "not realistic right now" If you love someone enough, you will find or plan a way to be together at some point. But at this point, I just have words that we will be together at somepoint in our future. I should also note that I know hanging out with this man will not fix my problems, and the grass is not always greener on the other side. I also would like to see how we get along on a strictly friendly basis. With my moral conscious, I feel like I am between a rock and a hard place! How long can you wait for something and let life pass by? What do you guys think?
Any advice is extremely appreciated!
Fast Forward to now, Its been about a year and 3 months since I've moved. We have gotten into arguments about the future, as he says he has few answers for me. He tells me he loves me and wants to be with me forever and that we will make it through anything like we always have, but no end date, no commitment. Even just to keep me sane and get through the distance. (5 Years!) He blames it on his dead end job, ( didn't get an education as he grew up with a medical condition), and has told me that he has no intentions of ever permenantly living in the US. My state is right beside his province.. a 7 hour drive. Really not that far. He has said he would only relocate down here temporary if I was to get a job and need experience, but ultimately he wants to move back up there. I believe this is partly selfish, but I also like it where hes lives and knows that he needs sufficient healthcare. I will be a nurse in a few years so I would have fine healthcare, I just think its more his stubbornness, and not wanting to leave his family.
In the past couple months, I have met a financially successful man (hes a new attorney) that has asked me to dinner and then another time to a rodeo. I have no said both times as I figured he would stop. The first time he asked, I told him I have a long distance boyfriend, but that I don't know where we are going, and that is the truth. After saying no to the rodeo, He insisted we go as just friends. He is from my old hometown of 13 years. I don't live there any more but its a 5 hour drive from me. He is my bestfriends boyfriends cousin, and she has told me that since my partner appears to not be giving me what I want, I should get to know this guy. She knows him very well and thinks hes a very sweet and genuine person. He loves to hunt, boat, fish, camp. I'm a very outdoorsy person so ofcourse, this is appealing to me as my partner isn't very outdoorsy besides golf. I was just over there for the weekend for her graduation and got to know him better. My sister and her boyfriend got to know him as well and we all had a great time. He gave me a ride home and metioned bringing his boat to where my family boats this summer. He is headed to my town this upcoming weekend for a friends wedding, and has asked me to again go to dinner with him, and I said I would do something so now we are going hiking. I know that this man got out of a 4 year relationship that he was engaged in 2 years ago. I think she left him for another man, but I can not confirm this yet. I talked with a few of my family/friends about this and they have said that it will not be any harm to simply get to know him and see how we get along. There will be no touching or kissing, Just getting to know him.
At the end of the day, I do know my boyfriend is there for me. Our texting has been less of late and seemingly lazier (lacks quality), but he continues to call and at least make some effort and will be visiting in August. His buddy just moved in so this could be a reason for it. That is the only concrete plan he has right now, to move in with the bestfriend and cousin. I guess things do naturally get more bland when you have been doing long distance for this long and know everything about one another. I do love my him a lot. I have waited, pondered and I still have glimmers of hope for us. For this reason, I am not ready to rip off the five year Band-Aid that is us (talking 7 years). Hes the only man Ive ever been with! I'm an extremely loyal person and if I had a plan/end date/proposal/promise ring/promise.. something! I would tell this man no. I know my partner knows I want more, but he just wont give it to me for as he says, "financial reasons" or just "not realistic right now" If you love someone enough, you will find or plan a way to be together at some point. But at this point, I just have words that we will be together at somepoint in our future. I should also note that I know hanging out with this man will not fix my problems, and the grass is not always greener on the other side. I also would like to see how we get along on a strictly friendly basis. With my moral conscious, I feel like I am between a rock and a hard place! How long can you wait for something and let life pass by? What do you guys think?
Any advice is extremely appreciated!
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