Lack of communication

[elly]

Hello everyone,
I'm in a long distance relationship since January. I met him three years ago while I was on holidays: we became friends, then he confessed to me that he liked me more than a friend but I rejected him. After we both came back home (I live in Milan and he lives in Miami) we kept in touch and I slowly started to like him more and more until we both fell in love with each other.

We have always talked/messaged on the phone everyday (once or twice) but almost two months ago he started to work a lot. We haven't spoke on the phone since April and he barely answers to my messages. I tried to be patient because I know that he is very busy - though it's hard to believe that he cannot find 5 minutes on 24 hours to answer. We were planning to see each other on July and he seemed to be very excited about it but then he didn't care at all about it - I had to ask him to help me organizing and finally I bought the plane ticket to reach him and still he didn't show any signs of excitement about this. So I got upset, I talked to him about what I have been feeling and the only thing he said was that he was mentally and physically exhausted and the last thing he wanted to do was talking to me.

This hurt me a lot though I know that he's very stressed with work but I feel neglected. Do you think I am overreacting? Should I just be patient and wait for him to go through this time? I don't know if I can take this for too long. I feel that I have never been a priority for him.

[WarwickGuy]

Hi Elly, benvenuto a LFAD

It's understandable that he's settling into a new job and may need time to adjust. At the same time, it's reasonable for you to want some attention, maybe you two can't be on the phone everyday, but I don't think it's unreasonable to be frustrated that you haven't spoken on the phone since April. His work has clearly has had a negative impact, but the question is whether this change is for the short term or long and what you want from this relationship. If he does adjust soon, or the workload will lighten, then that's good news, if this is going to be a long term change, then you'll have to decide whether you're happy to experience your relationship in this form.

Also, I think he could have worded his "I'm too busy to speak" sentence better... A lot better.

[elly]

Thank you for your reply Warwick Guy!
He told me this is only temporary because he has to catch up with a lot of work but he doesn't know when he will be done with this.
My only fear is that this might happen again in future and I don't know if I can bear it.

[differentcountries]

That's life. Badly worded sentences are going to happen, and you will probably bear it.

You have not spoken much since April, that's very normal when he settles in a new job. He is probably exhausted and he just wants you to send your love. When I am super tired, it physically hurts to talk to people. Perhaps he feels the same way?

[elly]

Thank you for replying me differentcountries!
You are right, I realized that I have been impulsive and I made him feel even worse instead of supporting him.
He told me that he has a lot on his plate right now and he feels overwhelmed with work and responsibilities.
He apologized and said that he understands why I'm frustrated and upset but he can't change this situation yet.
I guess the only thing I can do is being patient and being happy with what I have now