Plans of closing distance flying away

[sunmat]

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[MissingMyDutchLove]

If she only has two years left, that means that she's pretty far along in her program, correct? That's a lot to ask of her to give that up to start all over again. I get that you're frustrated, but she needs to do what's best for her in the moment and if that is not giving up the 2+ years of work she's put into her PhD already, then you just have to support her and trust her that she will find a job in the city you are when the time is right.

[sunmat]

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[ghanainlove]

Hello Sunmat, Congrats on the dream job, sorry about the closing complications.. Have you asked her what does she actually want to do? Cause closing the gap is a awesome milistone for a LDR couple, maybe shes just feeling the pressure, and as she calms down will be able to let you kno how she really feels.. Good luck and i hope things work out for yall

[differentcountries]

Moving countries to do a PHD sounds very hard. I can imagine especially if she is not used to living outside of her city/close to her parents, doing that for the first time while also doing the very difficult job of a PHD, that is very hard.

You seem very focused on closing the distance as soon as possible, but closing the distance while she is working on her PhD might turn out different than you imagined. I know people who did not finish their PhD (I am one of them, although I plan to do a doctoral later) or got divorced during.

Dont dispair because she is reconsidering moving to where you will be. When you move, you will stil be a whole lot closer than before, it will be cheaper and easier to travel and you can probably have visits easier. It worries me a bit that you call her second thoughts "irrational". It is VERY rational to not do something if you dont have a good feel about it. What you can do, is ask her to consider things from all sides, the good and bad, before she decides.

You have not even dated 6 months. No reason to go into panic mode because you cant close the distance right away. We have dated 3 years and are still not sure how to close the distance, and we are nowhere near breaking up.

[Mims27]

You should definitely ask her what she wants and what her goals are. If getting her PhD at home is what she wants to do, then you're gonna have to accept and support that. My SO chose to get her education before we closed the distance. We were LD for over 5 years. She didn't want to move to another country without experience or a degree that can help her get work here. I think that's reasonable. Now we are married and she lives in my country. Things may take a long time, but if they are meant to be, they will be.

[sunmat]

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[C.C.]

Well there you have it, now she has admitted that she is panicked and stressed.
I can't recognise myself or the dumb things I say whenever I enter panic and stress mode
Give her some space and trust her a bit. Don't pressure her, it won't change anything anyway, it's all up to her and she needs comfort more after all. Besides, decisions like that are scary, you are more rational and clear minded but it's not easy for her to be as well.

[neddrick98]

I second what C.C. says - it's hard to recognise we're in panic/stress mode until we're out of it or somebody tells us, so she is probably just anxious about changing basically every single aspect of her life. She's probably also nervous about meeting you and living together, in case it's not all it's cracked up to be. Be her rock and give her some peace and stability.