There has been something that keeps coming up in my mind - Whenever my SO says he goes out to do something a bit more dangerous, like wanting to get a really fast car, going drifting with it, go bungey jumping etc, I get really scared for him. I dont want to lose him and he is naturally rather clumsy, hurting himself quite a bit. Not that I'm any better. I'd just really like some advice on how to get past it and actually be happy for him if he does something new and he enjoys it. I just feel bad for getting him down sometimes.
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There is a difference between be concerned for well being and being paranoid of them living..
I have children, and I worry every single day.. do I obsess over them? Do I nag them? Do I chase them down and call them every three minutes to make sure they are ok? No... Do I want to wrap them in bubble wrap? Yes.. But I cant. That is not fair.
Its ok to be concerned about some stuff that we may consider stupid. Darwin award stuff, like riding your bicycle through a hula hoop that's on fire.. That's normal concerns.
But to let everything bother you is just not healthy. He is doing things I assume are monitored... bungee jumping, sky diving etc. Getting a fast car? Drifting? ( I looove doing that- just in safe places so people don't get hurt) should not be a concern. People in slow cars can be more dangerous too.
You need to figure out what is causing your anxiety.. People don't live in plastic bubbles. People like to do stuff and some people are even thrill seekers. Show interest in what he is doing.. maybe set up something in the future you can try together?
When he tries something new.. write down what your real concerns are and figure how likely something "bad" can really happen. Read what you wrote and try to understand where and what is causing your fears and address them. Are you jealous he is doing things? Or is it because he is not doing them with you?
It is hard, but as I said before, you cant control what happens to other people the majority of the time. You have to let people choose and live their life.( again, I stress if its NOT something stupid).
ps- my nickname was twinkletoes- I am as clumsy as they come- sometimes we shine when we try stuff that is not part of our daily routine, so please don't think that is a reason for him to not try new things.. -
He'd need extra bubble wrap lol! I need even more. I am sure its a mix of me not being able to be there, his safety and the fact that until now, he has been the opposite of thrillseeker - rather calm, not too much interest in more extreme things, he is even afraid of heights. I know that he is discovering a new area - he recently moved out from his mom's and is living alone with his friend for the first time and trying tons of new things. I'm happy for that. From my side, all of it is a huge change in our relationship. Adjusting takes time. Part of me wants to be there for all these fun new things for him, though I'd be probably too scared to bungey jump or drift or any of the sort. I admire him for taking this step to try stuff out. We even made a bucket list of firsts we will try out together.
Just every time he talks about stuff like this, i get anxious. It didnt help that the first (and only so far) time he drifted, he almost hit a tree while doing it, it was less than 30 cm from the edge of the car when he stopped it. Its just a level of carelessness that he has about it. I dont want him to stop being new things, I want to learn to be happy and not have an anxious dread in my chest most times he mentions something a bit more dangerous.
thank you so much for replying
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