Nontraditional LDR

[costaricagirl]

Hi everyone!

I've never posted in a forum like this... anyway, here's my story:

First of all, I have always had horrible luck dating. I'm picky or go for the wrong guy or make silly choices like thinking a hook up will lead to something more.

So I was volunteering in Costa Rica and one night meet a guy. He asks to go on a date even though he knows I am leaving in a couple weeks, so I assume he's one of THOSE guys. We go out together and it's amazing. We see each other a few times and we have amazing chemistry - we did not even "hook up". Just a lot of kissing. so when I leave we are really sad because we know we would have tried dating if I were there longer and we said we'd keep in touch but it would inevitably fade....

Not really. We texted and he asked me to skype a few weeks later. I was a bit nervous but said ok. It was a long, amazing call. We kept skyping then noticed we weren't willing to see people where we were. We called our skype sessions "dates". A couple months in and we decided to be official. I only agreed to this knowing he was serious about visiting me in NYC

It has been absolutely amazing. I never though I would meet someone THIS perfect for me. He and I are so compatible, he's now my best friend, he was so supportive as I had an incredibly stressful semester (MCAT), and my family met him over skype and adored him. I trust him completely and he trusts me. I've never felt so confident about something, and this is coming from someone who overthinks/has had terrible luck with guys.

At this point, we even talk about marriage. It seems like a stretch but it was worth discussing because we are, in a sense, making a sacrifice. Because we've gotten to be so close and comfortable with each other, we've actually tried theorizing what would break us apart. I know it sounds like we're just loopy in love, but we only get this lovey dovey every once in a while. Our relationship is also emotional, intellectual, and we know about each other's friends/lives/families.

Also, I'm sure it'll sound like I'm ignoring his flaws. Definitely not we've had our issues, but we handle them REMARKABLY...adding to this amazing compatibility. I'm not good at confronting people and bringing up my frustrations but I trust him enough and he's always responded maturely and we've grown. He definitely has his imperfections and I have mine, but we're very open about these types of things.

Anyway, I have really struggled with the stigmas, assumptions, concerns from people... I want to know if anyone has had an experience like this, because I know it's rare to declare an ldr AFTER saying goodbye. I'm a very realistic, somewhat pessimistic person, but I for some reason feel so hopeful. I'd love any input. Thanks

[lucybelle]

I married a tico. We lived in CR for three years and now have been in the USA for nearly two years. It can work

[Redheart14]

My LDR started after I left, after that we just knew we didn't want to be without each other. People may have their own opinions but it's not their relationship so I don't care. I think there's only a stigma if you let there be one, just remember the distance isn't forever and that you love this person enough to be in a LDR. No denying LDR's aren't easy, but it can work positivity is a huge part of that along with communication. Best of luck

[abna1]

Your story sounds pretty similar to mine. It can definitely work!
Don't pay attention to what people think or assume, it sounds like your LDR is going really well. All the best to you

[differentcountries]

I think it is very usual. We were not official until after I left Turkey. I tell people we fell in love over Skype

The first time in a brand, new, shiny relationship is marvelous. That feeling of having met someone so perfect, and everything seems possible. Enjoy it! Things will slowly change. You will feel hopeful, and joyous, and sad, and upset, and every emotion under the sun. Knowing someone takes time, even if you are open, because people reveal only what they know - and they get to know themselves through the other person. International relationships are a special breed, and you will get tested, if not just for visa issues alone. I sure feel differently about SO having met his family several times, lived with him part time, breaking the visa code and have him come to my country and so on.

[sasad]

And again.... yup declared AFTER he moved away. I think its more common then you think. We don't really know what we miss till they are gone.

Skype and calls make it better, and we actually grew closer and know more about each other. I think ldr couples actually communicate on a deeper level then cd couples. You have to. Its the way we keep going...

[harlequindoll]

And again.... yup declared AFTER he moved away. I think its more common then you think. We don't really know what we miss till they are gone.

Skype and calls make it better, and we actually grew closer and know more about each other. I think ldr couples actually communicate on a deeper level then cd couples. You have to. Its the way we keep going...

THIS THIS THIS!!!!! You said it!!

[harlequindoll]

I can't wrap up any better than what the responses have already been to this. I'll just add that we (those of us in LDRs) have to fight extra hard to endure as a couple, and maybe that makes it worth it for those of us that know we have found our match in that other person. At the end of the day, you define your relationships, you define what does and does not work for you.

We are not taught how to trust our instincts, I think, so I am telling you to follow that feeling in the deepest part of yourself and go with that, because it will not steer you wrong.

Sounds like you have a solid base to work with. Keep aiming towards what you want the end result to be, and don't let the stigmas or concerns affect you.

[aoitori]

I once confessed my feelings to a guy after I visited him for a week and had left.
I think it's fairly normal. In my LDR right now sometimes people tell me it's not a real relationship, but I feel it's exactly as sasad said
LDR gives the possibility for a very deep connection through all the communication.
Your situation seems to be very solid and the relationship seems to be working very well, everything is good, enjoy it

[costaricagirl]

Thanks all of you! Your kind, hopeful words mean a lot I'm so happy with my situation - thanks for being happy for me!!

[costaricagirl]

Thanks for all the support! We just spent two amazing weeks together...our first time seeing each other since we decided to be together. The love is real and we feel good about our relationship More than good. There is hope! So glad I stuck it out and did not listen to the doubts/warnings/judgments. Thanks for your support all!!

[C.C.]

Such awesome news!~

Best of luck in your relationship and future

[pizza_heart]

I'm with a tico too, we closed the distance a year ago and it's been amazing <3