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    #1

    Thoughts and comments

    Hi. I would really appreciate all your thoughts about my matter.
    I've been in a long distance relationship for 8 months now. My boyfriend is Indian and he's 21 and i'm 19 and european. I needed at least 4 months to trust him completely and i feel like i love him with each day more. We talk every day for at least one hour and we always have a great time. We also fight as all the couples do and sometimes the distance gets to us because we have strong physical attraction and we want each other a lot. I tell him everything and trust him completely. We haven't met yet and he's insisting of coming here first though i work when i'm not studying and i would easily afford coming there whenever he'd say. He's studying to apply for a college nearby so he would continue his studies close to me next year but that means almost one more year of waiting to meet him. We don't want to live apart for long and he also doesn't have any concern about my or his religion which is different. We're talking a lot about our future and right now i'm very happy with him and willing to wait for him. I think we're a good couple and I imagine myself with him in the future. The only thing is that my parents don't approve long distance relationship because they say internet is dangerous amd i agree, but I don't think you can lie to someone every day for 8 months. All of my friends know about him and they also talk to him sometimes but i have to hide it from my family which I don't like to do.
    I just want to hear what you think about all this. Is it worth it?
    Thank you x
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    #2
    You need to meet up first before planning anything as serious as moving in together. There I s a slight chance that you will not hit it off in person that does happen in real life. A strong physical attraction is nice but that is never the basis for a long-term relationship you need to have a friendship, respect and other things as well.
    You are 19. And are an adult so you can do what you want. My advice to you slowdown date get to know each other before you make a final commitment right now.
    That's probably not what you want to hear but I think it's the best thing for him almost everybody in a long-distance relationship who is not physically met their SO.

    Comment

      #3
      Are they moving in together or is he just moving in their city to study?

      Comment

        #4
        Originally posted by C.C. View Post
        Are they moving in together or is he just moving in their city to study?
        He's moving to the near city to study. I'll live at my college campus and he'll live at his.

        Comment

          #5
          I personally think that moving in your SO's country when you are not moving WITH them nor for them ONLY and when you can do well there in case things don't work out is not bad or rushed thing at all.

          I never understood why some men are like that though. That pride is really something
          The ideal situation would be for you to visit him and then for him to move there in a year if everything went smoothly.

          And I'd strongly advise you to tell your family about this relationship over time. I haven't told mine yet but I am definitely going to do when we meet irl for the first time. It's also important to talk about the person even if you call him just a friend till then, so that they get to know him as a person and not just see him as some random stranger. Best of luck :3

          Comment

            #6
            Again, they have never met in person yet ......that would be the first step before going planning any type of move. And you should not move just to be near somebody if you don't know them. You need to do it for yourself. And do you have a backup plan? Do you know where you can work and support yourself? And as a parent, it's a good idea to let your parents know what's going on especially if you're an adult . Hiding things from your parents is never a good way to start a relationship . Sometimes we don't like what our children are doing about where you respect them enough to make their own decisions it's when people hide things we get a little nervous. I am just telling you that because I am a parent of 18, 20 and 22 yo kids.
            Last edited by sasad; July 10, 2016, 06:19 PM.

            Comment

              #7
              It's the guy moving though

              Comment

                #8
                If he's moving because he wants to go to that college, regardless of your relationship status, then all the power to him. But it's important that he's doing it for that reason and not planning attending someplace farther away, possibly more expensive, etc based on a relationship. I'd say the exact same thing even if you had attended the same high school and were looking at colleges and only choose the same one to be together instead of where you really wanted to go.

                As far as your parents, yes you are an adult. However, honesty with your family is important. My daughters talk to me about everything, always have. I have yet to find out things awhile later because they had hidden something from me. It's also why I am comfortable with my 21-yr old flying to TX in October to meet her BF for the first time. They met online and have been dating about 6 months. I've talked to him, I know all about him - what he does for work, where he lives, what he does for fun, etc. If she didn't tell me and then I found out after, then I would be wondering why she had to hide it, what is it about him that she was scared to tell me, is he treating her right, do I need to fly to TX and have it out with him, etc. Trust is important and the minute you start hiding things, well once your parents find out (and they will), all that trust goes out the window and now they have to start questioning everything.
                To those who dream, nothing is ever far away.

                ​Distance is to love as wind is to fire. It blows out the little ones and fans the big ones.

                Comment

                  #9
                  Originally posted by R&R View Post
                  If he's moving because he wants to go to that college, regardless of your relationship status, then all the power to him. But it's important that he's doing it for that reason and not planning attending someplace farther away, possibly more expensive, etc based on a relationship. I'd say the exact same thing even if you had attended the same high school and were looking at colleges and only choose the same one to be together instead of where you really wanted to go.

                  As far as your parents, yes you are an adult. However, honesty with your family is important. My daughters talk to me about everything, always have. I have yet to find out things awhile later because they had hidden something from me. It's also why I am comfortable with my 21-yr old flying to TX in October to meet her BF for the first time. They met online and have been dating about 6 months. I've talked to him, I know all about him - what he does for work, where he lives, what he does for fun, etc. If she didn't tell me and then I found out after, then I would be wondering why she had to hide it, what is it about him that she was scared to tell me, is he treating her right, do I need to fly to TX and have it out with him, etc. Trust is important and the minute you start hiding things, well once your parents find out (and they will), all that trust goes out the window and now they have to start questioning everything.
                  Thank you... Exactly right about trust with your parents. Especially if you still live at home and they are supporting you.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Originally posted by sasad View Post
                    Thank you... Exactly right about trust with your parents. Especially if you still live at home and they are supporting you.
                    Definitely this.

                    I've been in this situation before---as the 27 year old daughter living at home, yet trying to hide her LDR from her parents. Originally my SO and I planned to keep our relationship a secret till I passed my licensure exam, which is still this September. That would have meant ten months of hiding. In hindsight, this was not one of our brightest ideas.

                    In the end I am glad that we came clean and told my parents instead of waiting the whole ten months, or accidentally getting found out. It's helped them be more at ease with them meeting him this year, and it's also allowed them to be okay with my befriending my SO's siblings, since we all live in the same metropolis. It's really made things a lot easier to deal with: no need to hide phone calls, gifts, or make up bad excuses. And it does up my SO's chances of someday being accepted as a son-in-law.

                    It's not easy to tell one's parents, but bringing it up casually may help. I first mentioned it to my father (who I'm closer to) with the query, "Hey Dad, how would you feel if I began dating again?". He immediately got what I was saying and asked if I was seeing someone. When I got my dad's permission, I told my mom. Telling her that dad knew made it much easier on the nerves!

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