How do I not lose her

[Alexaius]

Hello people, just someone who feels close to his ropes end passing through who wants any kind of advice that can be offered.

Some background on the two of us, we've known each other for almost two years now, and we started dating 6 months ago when at a Christmas party with her family she got a little too much to drink and confessed her feelings towards me. We met on an online game that the two of us are both huge fans of and while we had a slow start eventually we began messaging on Skype on a daily basis. I'd actually started developing feelings for her a while ago but had never acted on them for some personal reasons. Over the last 6 months we've been pretty happy, we call a lot, spend a lot of time watching videos and movies together when we have the time and for the last 4 we've gone to sleep together with sleep calls on Skype just about every single night after spending time talking about our days. But at the same time there were hard times, we've had arguments and as she's a really sensitive person who can be pretty easily hurt. What's worse is that I promised I was going to try and pay a visit out there to her s owe could meet in real life finally but in two separate occasions I was unable to keep it.

About a week and a half ago she got much more distant for a few days then a week ago she told me she wanted to just be friends. She says she does love me but she feels that right now she doesn't want to be in a relationship and that she want's to just be by herself for a while. I tried my best to keep it in as this hit me really hard. But what really hurt was that a couple of days after that she met an old friend of hers again. And almost immediately after that she quickly became pretty talkative with him(we're in a group discord channel for our game). I asked her about things and she ultimately told me she did feel she's lost some feelings towards me due to the fact I've hurt her, as well as admitted that she did once have an interest in the other guy in question a year ago before they fell out of contact. Furthermore she said she feels some of her feelings did come back, but she still asserts that she has absolutely no interest in a relationship right now and has no intention of going for him just like she has no intention of getting back together with me.

As it stands though I just don't know what I should do anymore. I've tried talking to her, apologizing, fully explaining how I feel and trying to get her back but she denied me. On one hand I want to give her the space she's asking for, I want to respect her wishes. It's just that while she says she still wants to be friends she hasn't really tried to talk with me at all, and most of the time gives pretty short responses to anything I try and say. I've tried just bringing up random little topics, shows we like, new info about the game, recent going-ons but she just doesn't seem to be interested in talking to me. Yesterday I even finished setting some stuff up to get myself a paid internship over in London for a year about an hour away from her. I have a little bit of stuff to finalize but at the moment it's likely I'll be able to get out there late September/Early October. I mentioned that to her yesterday but even that didn't get much of a response from her.

Part of me really feels like I've hit my end. It's made me a mess lately and i don't know what I should be doing any more. I don't want to be too pushy or clingy and appear disrespectful to her desires and end up pushing her away but i also don't want to just sit back and do nothing and watch her fall for someone else. I've tried my best to keep myself cool and keep our contact up but she seems to have no interest in doing so. I love her and want to be with her, I want to make things up to her, that's what I'm completely certain of. But at the same time it feels like she's given up on our relationship. Sorry about how long this is, part of me just wants to rant to anyone willing to listen. Most of my friends are also friends of hers and I don't want to really get them stuck in the middle of this.

[R&R]

Welcome to LFAD.

It's hard when someone ends a relationship. Though there are some people that agree together that a breakup is the best thing, usually it is one person who makes the decision and the other person becomes single even though it's not what they wanted.

A relationship takes two people who want to be together, working together to be successful. She has clearly stated to you that she no longer wants a relationship with you. You need to respect that. I know, it's hard. Continuing to keep contact is only making it worse for you. You can't heal yourself when you continue to talk to her, hoping that something will change. Her short, distracted answers are her way of continuing to tell you that it's over.

Dating is the way of finding out who you want to be with. All relationships are not meant for "happily ever after". Some relationships are meant for us to grow, to help us discover things about ourselves, about what we want in a relationship and what we don't. But again, please respect her wish to end the relationship and take some time for yourself.

[zallen239]

I agree with R&R, I know this is painful for you right now (I've recently just broken up with my SO too) but you've titled it 'how to not lose her' when I feel like you already have. It's very easy to say what you should be doing right now to make you feel better but it's really only down to you. Your healing begins when you want it to but you have to be willing to let her go. None of this is going to be easy at first but time really works wonder as a healer. I know you want to contact her but this is not helping you at all. I suggest that you unfollow her on social media and stop talking to her starting immediately. If she really does have feelings for you (or could develop them again) she'll contact you, but as an aside by this point you should be committed to getting over her. Keeping thoughts of salvaging something that's already scrapped are a real killer. Take this time to work on you, that's what i'm doing at the moment and I can tell you that it isn't easy but as each day passes I feel a little better, of course there are moments but these remind us that we are human. Taking this time for yourself will help your relationship with your SO in the future too, I know right now you want to be more than friends but it's not going to happen and if you ever want to be more than friends again the first step is becoming friends again (if that makes sense) but you cannot (at least I can't) be in love with a friend. It just wreaks havoc with your mind and you'll always be questioning could it still happen? And as stated above she does not want a relationship so respect her decision and do what you need to do to get over her, I wish you all the best and I really suggest unfollowing her and stopping all contact immediately, it WILL help you out.