Irritable all the time, feel like we're drifting apart. What can I do?

[moondance]

We've been dating 9 months now. I think the last time I posted here was right after his visit in April (our 3rd time meeting) of a month. Honestly, since that visit, it hasn't been the same. I think partially this is because I was between jobs for the first few months we were talking, then I finally got hired DURING his visit, and so the communication routine changed when he returned home.

He's coming up to visit me in the USA in November for a month. I'm meant to move in February to his country(Australia). I would love to have visited him there one more time to get a better feel for the place, but I'll only have accrued 3 vacation days, which isn't enough. I have been to his city though and really like it.

I just find myself getting irritated with him over stupid things. I have trouble maintaining interest when he tells the same work story repeatedly. I get annoyed when he zooms in a dissects a statement I mean to be in passing, even thought I know he's probably just looking for things to talk about. I just feel irritated, all the time. Not just at him. I'm in limbo until February and feel like my life is slipping away (I'm 27). The gravity of leaving my family and the potential of a future here is really hitting me.

My mom and I got into a huge fight because she thinks I'm throwing my life away for a guy and running away from my problems. I don't have many friends here and am not enjoying my job, and was planning to move to a more major US city before I met him. I understand that I'm making it a lot harder on myself to advance my career by starting over abroad, but I'm ready for the adventure, especially with someone as wonderful as him. However, she got under my skin, and I feel like something shifted in my subconscious after that fight.

I just, feel really burnt out. We talk every day, and I'm wondering if that's also becoming an issue. It was fine when I was job hunting, but now I have a lot less free time and struggling to manage it. I have nothing left to talk about. I just work, then drive straight to the gym to maintain some sanity, then talk to him and go to bed. Rinse, repeat. We've talked almost every day since we met. He might take it the wrong way if I suggest slowing it down a bit. Has anyone else hit a point where it became OK to talk every couple of days?

He's doing his best to be supportive and sweet and I'm really not being the person he deserves lately. I know this is taking a toll on him as well, by his tone, plus he asked me how much longer I was going to be in this "mood."

Our "sex" life has never been the most active online, but lately it just feels like I'm talking to a friend. All I see of him is his face. He's gained some weight and feels self conscious so I don't even know what his body looks like anymore, I just feel so disconnected. I don't even know if we could do skype sex if we tried. I feel like I'm totally divorced from my sexy side and have lost my sex drive even alone.

November can't come fast enough. I love him still. I don't want to give up. I just don't know how to improve my own mental state in the months leading up to his visit, so that I'm less of a miserable bitch. I really appreciate any advice or support anyone has to offer on maintaining my sanity and improving our connection.

[TheSteelAngel]

Wow I can't believe that there is someone on here that is complaining about talking to their SO everyday. I would kill to have that chance. My SO works a lot so we only get to talk every once in a while, which is fine with me since I am always working too. If you are that upset about things becoming too routine in your life than do something different. Find a new hobby or get out and go somewhere different. Since you mentioned that you have nothing to talk about with your SO google 100 questions to ask your partner. There are also a lot of forums on here that can help you get new topics. Good luck

[moondance]

Wow I can't believe that there is someone on here that is complaining about talking to their SO everyday. I would kill to have that chance. My SO works a lot so we only get to talk every once in a while, which is fine with me since I am always working too. If you are that upset about things becoming too routine in your life than do something different. Find a new hobby or get out and go somewhere different. Since you mentioned that you have nothing to talk about with your SO google 100 questions to ask your partner. There are also a lot of forums on here that can help you get new topics. Good luck

I'm not complaining about talking to him every day, and I'm sorry if that triggered pain for you since your situation seems to be different from mine.

I'm highlighting too much shallow communication as a possible cause of the issues we are having. I appreciate your advice, but as I said in my post,
I work, then gym, then talk to him and then go to bed. There's no time for a social life outside talking to him if I want to be functional at work the next morning. We've done the 100 questions thing. We've played so many games and apps. I will browse for yet another one, but I don't know that that is the answer to this problem. I wish it was :/

[Redheart14]

What about not talking every night? It'll give yourselves time to do things separately which is good and then when you do talk, you'll have more to talk about. It might lighten the load on the mundane "same everyday talk". You mentioned talking to him everyday makes it hard to have a social life, this way it'll help both of you. Hope this helps you at least a little bit. Being your own person outside a relationship is a good thing.

[moondance]

I think I do need to talk to him about that. He's not going to be happy about it but we have to try something.

[Redheart14]

Keep us posted on how it goes

[sasad]

What about not talking every night? It'll give yourselves time to do things separately which is good and then when you do talk, you'll have more to talk about. It might lighten the load on the mundane "same everyday talk". You mentioned talking to him everyday makes it hard to have a social life, this way it'll help both of you. Hope this helps you at least a little bit. Being your own person outside a relationship is a good thing.

Great advice! I do understand the everyday thing. It does get to the point where you are in the hamster wheel... It like work, gym, take care of the family, talk, 3 min of "me" time, then bed. I totally get that. Try every other day or so Best of luck to you.

[moondance]

Great advice! I do understand the everyday thing. It does get to the point where you are in the hamster wheel... It like work, gym, take care of the family, talk, 3 min of "me" time, then bed. I totally get that. Try every other day or so Best of luck to you.

Thankyou for responding
So we had a chat, and agreed to talk every other day or so, and see how it goes. We agreed that we need to focus on quality over quantity when it comes to talking, as neither of us have been feeling good about our conversations lately. I resent being glued to my phone all day every day and he's starting to resent my resentment.

We also talked about other issues that we've been pretendingweren't near the surface. All in all it went well. Hoping for the best.

[rache82]

In relation to voice chatting, my SO and I only do it once a week due to both our schedules and the same time difference as you too. We do text every day though.
But unlike your situation, we are only just establishing ourselves into relationship territory after being friends on and off online for thirteen years.
Best of luck with your move and I hope this country welcomes you with open arms and things will get easier once you move.

[differentcountries]

It sounds to me like you are basically upset because you are in a rather new job and have no vacation time. You have all the stress of a new job without the means to take a break from it all. This would have solved itself in time, but you are not letting that happen because you are going to quit your job and move to Australia. Most likely you are saving up for the plane and the move and not spending on your life where you are.

[Leya]

I feel like talking (or texting as it is in my case) everyday has become forced. I'm interested to know how things have progressed since you decided to decrease frequency and increase quality?

I think I need to do this in my relationship, but I'm having trouble letting go of the contact, he is a LOT busier than me, so I crave the contact but it really isn't quality and I know it's starting to wear him down feeling like he 'must' reply.