Feeling lost and empty after the visit - need reassurance

[yuunai]

Hi there!

This is my very first thread on this forum even tho I've been for quite a while now.
So I've been together with my boyfriend for almost 1 and a half years now and we are going really strong. Our last visit was not so long ago (I came home on Wednesday - 6 July - 10 August) and it was really long. I loved every moment of it, it was so amazing and I felt so at home. Then the day came when I left.. it was almost physically impossible to let him go at the airport and start moving towards the security check. Of course I was in tears allthrough it. Then my plane arrived at home, my dad came to get me and I just became even more depressed. (He is an alcoholic, after a month of not seeing him he looked afwul...been telling my mum to get a divorce for like 2 years now but all she keeps saying is that its not that easy...) So yeah I don't have the best relationship with him, to put it simply I hate being in the same room as him even.. When we arrived home I just packed out and went on skype to talk to my bf (it was around midnight). The next morning when I woke up and walked around the house I noticed how out of place I feel. Like I didn't belong there. I don't know why I feel like this, never happened after a visit, and it's an awful feeling I left a big part of me in Norway. People felt like strangers to me. So yeah I got even sadder because of that, I started crying to the point where I had to call my mum cuz it was starting to get so hard to breathe, I basically started panicking which never happened to me before (? not sure if thats the right word) (I was alone at home, my mum was in Croatia, so no personal help, I was really scared). This was on Thursday... And now I still feel kind of lightheaded, sad, but at the same time drained... I just feel like this is not where I should be. I have more personal issues adding to the pile which I'm worrying about a lot. Also I'm an overthinker... I don't know what to do now. I can occupy myself during the day, be with friends but this feeling won't leave me.

Anyone else has been through something like this? Any advice or reassurance that it's normal after a long visit and being together 24/7? I'd really appreciate some comments. Thank you.

[80anthea]

Hey,

I'm just back (yesterday) from a similar length visit and so I know some of what you're going through. We've been doing this four years now and it really doesn't get easier to leave. I have huge mood swings after a visit for a few days. One minute I'll be in tears and the next I'll be getting on with planning for our future. I definitely get the feeling of being empty and feeling like I've left a huge part of me behind.

I do know from experience that in a few days I'll be okay. I'll never feel as happy as I do when I'm with him but I can get on with life and find satisfaction. I find it easier to just get stuck into doing something, I have my daughter here which helps enormously but I don't really have a huge amount of other close friends or family here. It also helps me to have some kind of vague plan about when we'll see each other again and how we'll close the distance, we're going to aim for December (him coming here) and then me going there in Spring to hopefully get married. So I know, we have a huge amount of money to save/earn so I'm now busy listing things on ebay / registering for extra tutoring / cancelling subscriptions etc and meal planning cheap meals. I find doing constructive things like this the best way to cope and also make our dream more of a reality. But like you say the feeling never really leaves totally.

[staruletto]

Uh, yes, this is me 100% and I've been back home for over a month (boyfriend is also in Norway!). I mean, I'm not as sad and empty as when I left but there's still something missing. Hopefully we can start making some solid plans to see eachother again soon

[sasad]

Yes...it is normal. Adam hates going back to Florida alone, especially after a month long visit. He wonders the house and says it's like a hotel and he just wants too come home to me.. For me, it sucks cuz I am used to being here, waking up next to me, packing my lunch everyday etc. It hurts both of us a lot.
I guess for me it's different because I have custody of my son and have to keep my focus there. So I have something to keep my mind busy, for him it's not so much and not anywhere near as easy . We try to Skype every single night and fall asleep that way because it comforts both of us.
You do have to keep going and you have to keep your life going as well, as hard as it is. And I do think people are much more tolerant and understanding of the long distance relationships than they have been in the past so that makes it easier with my friends to help me when I am whacked a bit.
You will get to a feeling of normality after a bit of time just won't ever be the same. Just don't stop living your life. I cannot stress that enough.

[TaraMarie]

My husband comes home every Friday night and leaves again on Monday. We skype every night and sleep through together. I am STILL sad every single week. IT should get easier for me, but it doesn't. Long distance just sucks. Hang in there. One day you will look back and be amazed that you survived it.

[yuunai]

Thank you all! I really appreciate your replies, it's really nice to know that I'm not alone with this :/

[Dbrh]

Same here! I got back a week ago and it still feels weird not having him around.
Knowing next time I'll see him is 4 months from now isn't really helping, but I'm going to try and stay busy, make sure we get to Skype (every day, if possible) and remind myself that this situation is temporary