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Confused- is it worth asking him to pursue a LDR?

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    Confused- is it worth asking him to pursue a LDR?

    Hi guys, a confused girl in need of some advice here. I'll try and keep it short.

    I met a guy in university a year ago and soon we became best friends. Without going into details, this guy has been my support and has always been there for me, he has helped me in every which way- he's the bestest friend I could ever ask for. Anyway, few months into the friendship, I developed feelings for him but never told him because I was afraid and also because he was moving back to his home country in a few months so I didn't see the point. I didn't say anything, and he didn't either but we got closer and closer (we were just always together, always). Finally, a week or 2 before he was supposed to leave, we were probably too upset and high on emotions but he confessed that he likes me as more than a friend, that I am the only reason he's upset about leaving the country and he wishes he could take me with him. We both wished we had more time together, but regardless, we spent a lovely last few days together and the night before he was supposed to leave, we also ended up kissing a few times. It was a very emotional night for the two of us. And then he left.

    We did make plans about visiting each other, seeing each other soon, keeping in contact etc. And we're in contact, we text, he has asked me to talk or skype soon a few times, we still miss each other. I am honestly so heart-broken that we never got to give "us" a chance. I felt such a connection with him, we just fit together so easily, I have never been able to be so comfortable and myself with anyone. I miss him dearly, I have had a hard summer because of this. I thought I could deal with being "just friends" but no, my feelings are too strong. I know if not LDR, I'd probably have to cut contact because otherwise my feelings will make me miserable but I can't get myself to do that either. But is LDR worth it? We haven't ever discussed it but from random conversations here and there, he doesn't seem to think they work. He's also a bit older than me (he's 27) and maybe he would want something more "real" and stable? I'm not sure....

    So, what do you think? Is it worth discussing pursuing a LDR with him? Have you ever been in this situation? Can we actually make it work? Should I be honest with him anyway, regardless of his answer?
    Last edited by restlessmind; August 23, 2016, 05:34 AM.

    #2
    You sound like I did when I met my SO. I was 22 but he was 29. I was afraid to make any commitment because of the way I've been treated in the past, but I knew I couldn't bear the thought of being with anyone else, when it came to me or him.

    You don't know what he's thinking. Don't assume. Ask or you'll never know.

    Take a leap of faith and listen to your heart in this case, not your head. After all, it seems the right signs are all there.
    Last edited by Honour; August 23, 2016, 05:32 AM.

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      #3
      Originally posted by Honour View Post
      You sound like I did when I met my SO. I was 22 but he was 29. I was afraid to make any commitment because of the way I've been treated in the past, but I knew I couldn't bear the thought of being with anyone else, when it came to me or him.

      You don't know what he's thinking. Don't assume. Ask or you'll never know.

      Take a leap of faith and listen to your heart in this case, not your head. After all, it seems the right signs are all there.
      The bold bit- that's exactly how I feel! I can't see myself being with anyone else right now, and just the thought of seeing or even hearing about him being with someone else breaks my heart.

      Yeah, asking him seems to be the best option, otherwise I will constantly live with the "what if" all my life. At least then, I'll have some clear answer and be able to focus on other things in life too. Thanks!
      Last edited by restlessmind; August 23, 2016, 10:18 AM. Reason: spelling

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