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My boyfriend does not love me as much anymore what should i do

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    My boyfriend does not love me as much anymore what should i do

    Hi all ,

    i am a new poster here and i am seeking advice about my relationship.

    Just a background about my relationship. I met my boyfriend on a facebook page ( he lives in Louisiana and i live in Toronto ) we have been together about a year and a half and have met twice already with him being the one that visited me. One thing to mention is that i come from a middle eastern background so dating for us ( well my father ) is a bit different which is why he does not know of my boyfriend yet. However , the second time he visited me my dad knew that a guy was coming to see me and i felt telling him about my significant other slowly is a better way to do it.

    Another important factor to add is that he is younger than me by 4 years... im 25

    The second time he came to see me was late July so not too long ago however a bit before that we started having a bit of issues one being he said he started thinking about his ex whom he was with for a long time before me but when we met everything became normal again between us we just needed to be around each other. He was back home with his parents for the summer and after he came back from seeing me his parents started putting negative thoughts about our relationship which led to to avoid me and act differently towards me ( how i came to know this is because he told me what was going on) he said he just needs to be back at school away from the negative talks around him

    Today he showed me a couple of screen shots of a conversation with his mother asking her what real love feels like and how you know when someone is the one. Him and i used to talk about our future a lot before that the past few months we havent... at least he hasnt.

    Being the other thinker that i am i skyped him a while after he showed me the conversation and he admitted that he doesnt love me as much anymore but doesnt want to lose me. He knows that if we break up i wont keep in touch with him... he started crying and at one point i asked him again if he thinks we should break up he said yes i dont want to be selfish and i want to do what it think is best for you.

    He said he cant just erase me from his life because he wont have a second chance with me if we were to break up i said if you want to be with me a year from now why cant you be with me now?

    I forgot to mention that the reason he started feeling like this is because he is afraid our relationship will go to waste especially with the fact that he wont be able to see me until two years from now which is when we plan to move in together after we are both done with school. My father not knowing about us makes it a bit hard for me to visit

    He also said he is finding out things about me that he didnt know before

    I feel very lost and i do not know what to do.... how can he not love me as much anymore but want to stay with me and cries about the fact that he doesn't want to lose me ?

    #2
    Age really shouldn't make a difference... I am 5 years older than my SO...
    He seems to be looking for reasons to break up. I really dislike when he says "he is finding out things about me he didn't know before". Like hello, that part of a damn relationship. Learning about the other person. Unless it's something really bad and negative that you have kept a secret.
    He says he wants to break up, but doesn't want you to not contact him. Homey, he can't have it both ways. He can't leave you hanging. You also cannot make him love you.

    You need to stop and think what it is YOU need and want.. Then discuss it with him and see if you are on the same page. If not, you have a choice to make about contact with him. Please don't waste your life waiting for someone to decide what they want. And he talked about a second chance already..

    I don't know. If he said that to me, and we had a serious talk about stuff, and he still wanted to leave, I would let him go. See what happens in a couple years, but don't wait just for him.

    Comment


      #3
      I know age isnt an issue at all

      However for the past month or so his parents have been influencing him a lot about our relationship and in turn it affects how he thinks about us. What he "learned" about me isnt anything ive hidden yet its my personality traits that he picked up which he doesnt like. Personally , i havent been myself for a while now as i was and still am going through some personal issues

      He sent me a message after our skype call today saying that we are too good to just throw away. I honestly dont know if its just the negativity that he has around him that is making him think this way.

      I love him too much to think properly with my mind and not my heart

      Comment


        #4
        People can tell a person what they think about anothers relationship or try to influence them, but it ultimately comes down to that person to form their own opinion and make a decision. If they can't make decisions on their own, well is that someone you really want to be with?

        "I love him too much to think properly with my mind and not my heart." - I can understand what you mean when you say this, but it's time to be a mature adult about things. You're not a young teenager, you're 25 and though you obviously still feel with your heart, it is important to use your mind and take everything into consideration.
        To those who dream, nothing is ever far away.

        ​Distance is to love as wind is to fire. It blows out the little ones and fans the big ones.

        Comment


          #5
          He there! I don't normally post on here or reply to posts.. But when I read your post I could relate. I was with my Ex for almost 5 years (LDR) He was the one the broke up with me, At first he said that "the spark is gone" so I kept asking him what he meant by it, if the love has faded, or if he loves no more? and He said that he STILL loves me but the spark is gone.
          He also cried when we Skype when I kind of initiated to end it. I did not want to because I did not want to waste our time and everything that we both invested, He said He still loves me. Later on I found out, well he confessed that he has found a new love, he name her "my girlfriend" Gosh I cried and I did not know what to do when he said it, he told me he still loves me and want me to stay in his life (which is so selfish- what am I? a back up, in case they two would break up?)
          Anyway, I am not saying your SO has someone else, NO- but I'm pretty sure there is a REASON/s why he doesn't love you as much anymore. It's all a matter of choice, falling in love, staying in love is a choice.. he knows for a fact that this, him wanting a break would hurt you.. well, that's his CHOICE.
          my advice to you is to start moving on. it's not the end of the world for you. It will all get better in time, as per se time heals..
          God luck to you!

          Comment


            #6
            I totally agree with liverrose , its very difficult to think on real terms but after all reality should be owned asap, they should be the one to suffer not you

            Comment


              #7
              Originally posted by Lost soul View Post
              I totally agree with liverrose , its very difficult to think on real terms but after all reality should be owned asap, they should be the one to suffer not you
              I don't think anyone should have to "suffer" for admitting that the spark is gone... Actually I would prefer that over being strung along or even married and have that happen.

              Sorry if I misunderstood your comment...

              Comment


                #8
                Yeah , you are right . Thanks for making me think positively

                Comment

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