Why am I like this????

[Louna12]

Hello everyone! So first things first, it hasn't been that long since I started this LDR but I'm not new to LDRs nor is my SO. I've been with someone before him for almost 6 months and I met him two months after I broke up. I wasn't so sure about starting something with someone again and I honestly thought he was just like everyone but the feelings I started to have for him are quite special.

I broke up with my ex because of the distance and because I was more committed than him to this relationship. I don't hate him or anything like that but it just didn't work that way (I think we all agree it wouldn't work with the efforts of just one person) ; but the one I'm with right now and whom I'm discovering and loving a bit more everyday is different. We already could discuss lots of things, from "How long we'll be apart" till actually "Do you think your parents will accept us getting married" and... I know it's quite a lot for just a bit over a month but it just turned out that way.



So my question isn't directly related to him and I in my opinion but I really need help.
I think I'm too clingy or too needy. I mean in the way that I honestly can't get enough of talking with him. When we first met we actually talked non-stop for more than 3 weeks and now that he's got a new job (the last two weeks he was having orientations and stuff...) we stopped talking that much and I don't want the same thing that happened to me before to happen again.
Even if I'm with friends or family I just keep feeling so down cause the only thing I want is to talk with him. And yesterday I kept waiting for him to get online and he just got around 7pm his time for like 15 mins, he said he got the job and then said that he has to go back cause they want him to do some paper work?!?! At 7pm??

Anyways, I'm just really not feeling good right now I keep getting the feeling that he will leave me or something like that... and I don't want to keep thinking that way nor to bring it up again with him.
So please help me if you've been through the same ideas or fears, or if you know how to get rid of this feeling?!?! I don't want to keep thinking about him 24/7 and to keep worrying on days like that that he's actually lying to me or anything

For now, what I decided to do today was just to get offline all day (maybe for more than just today) and think about this. I didn't want to wait and I just had to think of a way to make this disappear but... what should I do?

[sasad]

If you think you are, then you probably are. And you have been together for 1 month only..
You need to relax. You know the behavior is not acceptable, so you need to change it.
I'm not sure what his job is, so I cant say anything about the timing of going back. So why don't you trust him?
Its not uncommon for people to slow down with communications after a while. Some people don't have the time or energy to keep that up all day all the time/ We all have our own lives that we have to live.
What do you do for fun? Stop obsessing, or you may push him way by being needy and pushy. Do Not Play games with him and your relationship....Go out with your friends, go to movies. Live YOUR life.

[Louna12]

If you think you are, then you probably are. And you have been together for 1 month only..
You need to relax. You know the behavior is not acceptable, so you need to change it.
I'm not sure what his job is, so I cant say anything about the timing of going back. So why don't you trust him?
Its not uncommon for people to slow down with communications after a while. Some people don't have the time or energy to keep that up all day all the time/ We all have our own lives that we have to live.
What do you do for fun? Stop obsessing, or you may push him way by being needy and pushy. Do Not Play games with him and your relationship....Go out with your friends, go to movies. Live YOUR life.

Thank you I think that's what I needed to be reminded of. I know that being like this isn't going to help us and I'm really terrified at the idea of losing him so yes I'm trying my best to get a hold of myself and I have to be clear about the fact that I'm making sure I didn't do anything that pushy. These are just feelings I noticed and I'm trying to get rid of the ASAP that's why I posted here.

I tried getting busy calling friends and everything (my bestie is away for vacation so I didn't hang out with her) and I'm spending time with my brother, but like I said before I keep thinking about him. I never been like this about someone before. Most of the time I manage to get rid of this feeling in a very short period of time but...

Another thing would be that we'll be back to school in 2 weeks. I'm a 2nd year college student and I know I will be very busy so this might work to some point?!?!

I just want to stop feeling like this.

PS : Thank you again especially about the job part. I really appreciate that.

[Shirona]

You might have an unhealthy attachment style, it mostly sounds like anxious/preoccupied attachment. I might be completely wrong, but you don't lose anything to check it out. I think to properly overcome it you need to first understand why you feel that way, and don't be too harsh on yourself, that won't help. And you need to be patient and willing to put a lot of effort into it, it won't change overnight, whatever the reason behind it is.
I mentioned attachment style only because I have similar experiences, and learning about it has helped a lot. It also has made it easier for my partner to understand. I don't know, I hope the information was a bit helpful at least.

[Louna12]

You might have an unhealthy attachment style, it mostly sounds like anxious/preoccupied attachment. I might be completely wrong, but you don't lose anything to check it out. I think to properly overcome it you need to first understand why you feel that way, and don't be too harsh on yourself, that won't help. And you need to be patient and willing to put a lot of effort into it, it won't change overnight, whatever the reason behind it is.
I mentioned attachment style only because I have similar experiences, and learning about it has helped a lot. It also has made it easier for my partner to understand. I don't know, I hope the information was a bit helpful at least.

Oh! Thank you!
Well... I'm looking at this behavior as something abnormal since I noticed it as well. Hopefully my partner still didn't mention anything about me acting weird or anything but I'd say a month is pretty short to be able to noticed that this might be a problem.
I'm willing to try to solve this without telling him at first (I know some of you will say it's a bad idea) but I think I will eventually tell him everything if it's that serious and I can't handle it.
However I'm gonna check it out and ask my friend or my brother for help.
I'm not like this usually and it might not be as serious as I think but I'm not gonna risk making both of us unhappy because of this and I don't want to be acting like that whatever the reason is.

Thank you again and wish me good luck! :3

[Ejoriah]

I know you don't want to talk to him about it, but maybe you should try and figure out a schedule for talking to him so that you're not just waiting around and worrying? Now that he's got the job hopefully he'll be able to tell you his hours and when you can expect him online.

[Louna12]

I know you don't want to talk to him about it, but maybe you should try and figure out a schedule for talking to him so that you're not just waiting around and worrying? Now that he's got the job hopefully he'll be able to tell you his hours and when you can expect him online.

I actually talked with him about it a few hours ago. I told him I was worried and that I think I got too attached to him and it's probably why I'm so worried cause we've known each other for such a short time and I'm not used to this kind of feeling for someone I didn't know that much.
He said that I shouldn't worry cause he's not even imagining leaving and that he wants a real future with me.
So I gotta admit this kinda calmed me down.

I also did talk about a schedule after asking him when he'll start his work and everything, he said they confirmed he has the job but he still needs to wait till Monday for more information on when he'll start.
I asked him if we ever wouldn't be able to talk real time a couple of days, would he be ok if we just left messages? and he said that's what he was thinking about too in case that happens.

I still need to block the negative thoughts out and like I said before I'm gonna ask my brother for help but I'm really happy you all replied to this I really was so confused and was hating myself for this.
Thank you so much! I hope I can figure this out!!

[Nisha]

It's not a long time since you started communicating and you probably mistake good friendship thinking it to be something more. But it's not. Looks like it's not bad if you continue communicating with him, but you shouldn't concentrate on this relationships as if he's the last guy on earth. Well, he turned out to be quite frank - it's better if you know about cheating from him, than from anyone else. Get a boyfriend, ask him whether you can simply stay penfriends and that's all. It was a nice experience, but don't make yourself feel nervous with this waiting.

[Louna12]

It's not a long time since you started communicating and you probably mistake good friendship thinking it to be something more. But it's not. Looks like it's not bad if you continue communicating with him, but you shouldn't concentrate on this relationships as if he's the last guy on earth. Well, he turned out to be quite frank - it's better if you know about cheating from him, than from anyone else. Get a boyfriend, ask him whether you can simply stay penfriends and that's all. It was a nice experience, but don't make yourself feel nervous with this waiting.

Hi there! Sorry for the late reply I wasn't as active here lately. I think you've mistaken the post tho, I've never said that he cheated on me and he never gave me a reason to believe he would. Maybe I expressed it the wrong way when I said "afraid he'll leave me" it has nothing to do with cheating.
What I meant was barely "he'll be too busy he'll get bored of this relationship" kind of feeling at that time.

I know we didn't know each other for that long but I have other penpals and I know that the feelings I have towards him are different.
I'm still gonna invest time and feelings on him. Cause he's doing the same and he's so loving and surprising.

PS : idk why but it felt like you were talking about someone I used to be with rather than a current boyfriend lol. Am I wrong? 😂

[jennefer]

I think that this is a thing about time and attitude! You have to trust more in you to then trust in him! Is so soon to have this kind of feelings and is dangerous with time and more if you dont be honest with him! With my boyfriend i had those kind of feelings when he moves to his parents house for summer and we talk like one time per day so after 3 weeks i start to feel bad and i be honest with him i told him i understand that you are with family friends and you need your time but hey you can organize your time like I do! I work I am at university I go out with friends with my family and I have the time for you! In a good sweet way i explain him my stupids fears and he told me its true and things change for good day by day! So dont create movies on your head only be honest and more relaxed as I told you is so soon! Been patient is one of the most difficult but at the same one of the most important part for a great ldr! There you could see the mature of your relationship!

[Louna12]

I think that this is a thing about time and attitude! You have to trust more in you to then trust in him! Is so soon to have this kind of feelings and is dangerous with time and more if you dont be honest with him! With my boyfriend i had those kind of feelings when he moves to his parents house for summer and we talk like one time per day so after 3 weeks i start to feel bad and i be honest with him i told him i understand that you are with family friends and you need your time but hey you can organize your time like I do! I work I am at university I go out with friends with my family and I have the time for you! In a good sweet way i explain him my stupids fears and he told me its true and things change for good day by day! So dont create movies on your head only be honest and more relaxed as I told you is so soon! Been patient is one of the most difficult but at the same one of the most important part for a great ldr! There you could see the mature of your relationship!

You're right. It definitely helped a lot that I told him about all of that. I don't remember if I mentioned it here but I did tell him I was pretty worried about that situation and he promised he just needed a few days (it was honestly shorter than I thought and I was pretty happy he put that much effort). Of course in my end, I'm being more relaxed about it now and it actually made me trust him so much more... I don't know if that makes sense.
But yeah I'm feeling like this experience helped me see us (and especially him) under a whole different light.