Not tgether anymore, but she's home now

[zallen239]

Hi all,

I'll try and keep this brief, long story short she left 3 months ago but we broke up less than a month whilst she was away. I was no contact for a long time and it was helping me (I think). I started talking to her again before she returned and she was very apologetic about everything and would always cry on the phone and tell me she missed me and she wanted to see me. Now I'm feeling that there is a chance we could get back together, however, since she got back only a couple of days ago she won't return any of my messages and this seems very odd to me. I accept the fact that we may not get back together again but i'm confused as to why she suddenly isn't replying? It's really hard for me at the moment, I thought I was over her but I guess I'm totally not. Ideally she'd reply and we'd go from there but having her just ignore me is just adding to my pain. I'm tempted to just bite the bullet and call her in a couple of days if she doesn't return my most recent message and just lay everything down. I'm just after a response to be honest. I know she will be busy catching up with people having just returned but this feeling of doubt is honestly worse than when we broke up in the first place. I'm not one to play games and wait around and I don't think waiting for her response (if it even comes) will do me any good so am I right to be calling her and getting everything off my chest? We don't live particularly close to each other so arranging to see her would take a little planning. I just want some ideas of where she might stand or if she's playing games now? I've been trying to keep busy recently but not much is helping me at all at the moment, it seems like I've made my mind up already to just call her and take it from there. I've always been a little bit needy and for those saying that I should give it some time it's just not really in my character and I accept the fact that this isn't really going to change.

Any ideas or support would be immensely appreciated at this time as it has me feeling pretty shit nearly all of the time.

Thanks!

[sasad]

As hard as it is, let it go. You are not a couple and you have left the door open. She hasn't decided to come in.
You need to stop being need (again) as you are not together at all. Yes, maybe her phone broke, maybe she is busy, but if you were a priority, she would have contacted you.
Please pull back, because YOU will get hurt again.

[MissingMyDutchLove]

I don't remember the circumstances of your breakup and I'm too lazy to go back and look, but based off of what you said here, I can tell you for sure that no contact is the best thing. I completely understand your POV because I'm going through it myself. You still love her and (whether you admit it or not) you want to be with her still. Whatever it was that made you break up was obviously her doing and she obviously still is not making you a priority. Believe me when I say I am not a game player. I have never been even in the beginning of my relationship, but that's what I'm doing now because it's the only shot at getting back with my ex, which I still desperately want. For me, playing the game is forgetting about him, moving on, absolutely no contact, and making a better life for myself than I could ever imagine. I believe that eventually, he will miss me and reach out. Until then (or if it never happens), I have to just keep doing my own thing and knowing that life will go on no matter what. Yes, you're needy. But showing that neediness can be a total turn-off. She has to be the one to want you. She has to be the one to reach out. You have been readily available this whole time and you have to stop it! Sure, be needy because that's a part of you, but when you're feeling needy send a message to a friend instead of her. Write in a journal when you feel the need to talk. Find a way to express yourself without continuing to bombard someone who clearly isn't ready to make you a priority again.

[sasad]

I did the lazy work
OP was with gf, she left, then cheated on him. He cheated back. Then asked about dating his ex.

So...why the hell are you even trying to get back with her when you BOTH exhibit destructive behaviors towards each other? Your relationship is based on lies and neediness...

[MissingMyDutchLove]

I did the lazy work
OP was with gf, she left, then cheated on him. He cheated back. Then asked about dating his ex.

So...why the hell are you even trying to get back with her when you BOTH exhibit destructive behaviors towards each other? Your relationship is based on lies and neediness...

Thanks for the help!

I have to revise my answer now. Write her a letter and send it. Or facebook it, email it, whatever. Write every single possible thing that you could want to say. Once it's sent, you're done. I promise it's a weight lifted off of your shoulders! Don't wait for her to decide to talk to you, get your own closure. You have to ability to end this now and stop feeling like shit. I know all about feeling like shit because of a SO and while it doesn't erase the pain, there is something really awesome about getting everything out there that lets you finally start to let go. I highly, highly recommend you try it and then from there, no contact is the absolute only way to go.