It's so hard.

[Louna12]

So I was willing to post this yesterday and I'm kinda gonna make it into 2 parts.

Last weekend my dad saw a post on facebook about my current relationship. I didn't tell my parents I was dating someone actually. It has been two months and I honestly didn't tell them about my previous relationship as well.
It was for a couple of reasons : the fact that it's long-distance, I didn't know how they'd respond. The fact that they want me to be 100% focused on studying, so I imagined they wouldn't approve it ; and because I was still scared that we'd end up breaking up sooner than we think (I know... Not that positive...)
Anyways I ended up telling everything to mom and she got really upset and is forcing me to breakup. It was so stressful at home all week long and I didn't hear from my boyfriend since Saturday (we only talked for a bit I told him what's going on).


On Tuesday I got a text (after a few long ones of mine cause I started to freak out over time) and it was his younger brother saying that my SO got an accident.
He said he told him to text me and said he had some broken bones but he's not in danger?!?!?
I honestly still can't believe it! I even messaged him a few hours later saying that if it was some kind of joke it wasn't funny but...
It was just a really hard week. I guess I needed to talk it out, I'd appreciate your thoughts and/or advices.

[gamer_gurl]

Oh, not an easy situation.. How far do you live from each other? Do you have ways of contacting his family and friends to check up on him? As to your mom, I read somewhere on here one girl invited her mom to part-take in a video chat with her long distance boyfriend, just so mom gets to know the boy. Do you have an aunt or an uncle, or an older sibling that could talk to your mom about the situation? It would be better if she gets on board with this stuff and accepts her daughter will date boys. Rejection of all potential boyfriends by her is a risky business and can lead to rifts in mother-daughter relationship. Try to be understanding of her and lovingly explain? x

[Louna12]

Oh, not an easy situation.. How far do you live from each other? Do you have ways of contacting his family and friends to check up on him? As to your mom, I read somewhere on here one girl invited her mom to part-take in a video chat with her long distance boyfriend, just so mom gets to know the boy. Do you have an aunt or an uncle, or an older sibling that could talk to your mom about the situation? It would be better if she gets on board with this stuff and accepts her daughter will date boys. Rejection of all potential boyfriends by her is a risky business and can lead to rifts in mother-daughter relationship. Try to be understanding of her and lovingly explain? x

I asked his brother to keep me informed in any possible way but he didn't see my last text and for now I have no other way to contact his family. My SO lost his phone a few days ago so not even that is possible.
For mom (and dad actually) I'm trying to go smoothly about it but I'm not sure how to make them change their minds and if that's even possible cause they taking it too seriously it's kinda tiring honestly.
I know I should sit down and talk to them about it but maybe I should give it a bit more than a week to cool down?
I know I won't be able to facetime him for a couple of days anyways and...
I just need advice on how to make them listen to me when I actually talk about HIM as a person. Cause right now it's not against him but they just don't accept the whole idea...

So more time is a good start?

[gamer_gurl]

I know I should sit down and talk to them about it but maybe I should give it a bit more than a week to cool down?

Yes, I suppose so. It really depends how your parents are, and you know them best ;-)

I just need advice on how to make them listen to me when I actually talk about HIM as a person. Cause right now it's not against him but they just don't accept the whole idea...

They don't accept the idea of you dating him long distance or the idea of you dating in general? What do they say are their main concerns?

[Louna12]

They don't accept the idea of you dating him long distance or the idea of you dating in general? What do they say are their main concerns?

Mom said that she doesn't care about the distance and that she's and I quote "disappointed" in me cause she thought I wouldn't date before majoring. So I guess it's pretty much the whole idea of dating that's making them upset.
She's saying it's the fact that I didn't tell her about it from the beginning but does anyone here tell their parents from day 1?? I'm not even sure how long it'll last so how can I just tell them when they are so nervous and upset about everything??

[hmrambling]

Perhaps your mother wanted to be kept in the loop and is more upset about the dishonesty than the dating. It's possible to date a person without serious commitment. Dating by definition is meant to get to know someone. It is possible to get to know someone without serious commitment.

For instance, if I have a date with Sally, the purpose of the date would be to introduce myself and learn a little bit about Sally. I can't think of a good reason why I wouldn't tell my mom that I had a date with Sally. However, if I didn't tell my mother, she might think I have something to hide.

Having established that, how does your mother get to force you to break up? Are you living on your own? Are you paying your way through school? Do you have a job and steady income? Or are your parents providing all of that?

A lot of people never learn how to establish boundaries. Honesty is a good start.

[Louna12]

Perhaps your mother wanted to be kept in the loop and is more upset about the dishonesty than the dating. It's possible to date a person without serious commitment. Dating by definition is meant to get to know someone. It is possible to get to know someone without serious commitment.

For instance, if I have a date with Sally, the purpose of the date would be to introduce myself and learn a little bit about Sally. I can't think of a good reason why I wouldn't tell my mom that I had a date with Sally. However, if I didn't tell my mother, she might think I have something to hide.

Having established that, how does your mother get to force you to break up? Are you living on your own? Are you paying your way through school? Do you have a job and steady income? Or are your parents providing all of that?

A lot of people never learn how to establish boundaries. Honesty is a good start.

Yes, your comment pretty much makes so much sense to me.
For your question, no I don't work yet. I'm studying full time and still living with my parents.
And yeah she's trying to force me to breakup but I'm honestly not willing to do that yet.
I still want to talk to her more and try everything to make her change her mind, and talk with my boyfriend and see what he thinks about all of this.
So the whole process will take a few weeks probably.

I know that now, whatever decision I'm gonna make, I won't be keeping it to myself. Even if she'll get upset I'll be as honest as I can about it.