This post will be rambly, I'm a rambler, sorry 
Just need a place to vent. If you do read, my SO and I would both appreciate any advice 
For the longest time, my SO has had trouble sleeping. I guess it's sort of always been there in the background even before we started dating, but I feel like it's getting worse and it puts a stress on our relationship. I've never had trouble sleeping and can literally fall asleep within sixty seconds of my head hitting the pillow, and so I find it really hard to relate to him and I feel like I've given all the advice I can, but maybe it's going to be one of those things where he won't listen unless he hears it from someone else. Problem is, it fustrates me so much and often puts me in moods, even though I know it's not his fault and I've been trying hard to be more understanding and not let my emotions get the better of me. I guess I'm just worried about how it will be in the future when we're living together.
Point is, lately he's been in bed for 14 hours on his days off, maybe not sleeping for the whole of that time, as he will often wake up and have trouble getting back to sleep... but still, 14 hours. When we have an 8 hour time difference, this obviously cuts into the time we get with one another. For months, I haven't been able to look forward to his days off because it usually involves him waking up past his lunchtime, right on my own bedtime. And I get that different people need different hours of sleep, 7-10 hours or whatever. But 14 just seems over the top. And it's not that he's tired throughout the day, because when he wakes up, he's awake; he only gets tired during the day if he's had a bad nights sleep, usually under 7 hours which is fair enough, but even then he starts falling asleep at the computer when we're on a call. It used to annoy me when I was at work, and I was surviving on 5-6 hours sleep most nights and I could still manage a full 8 hour work day without any impact on my work, which was probably not good for me either, but maybe that's where part of the nuisance stems from.
Anyway, if I could guess, I don't think it's the problem with the amount of sleep he's getting - because he'll get 8 hours a sleep during a school night, and he's just fine with that. I think the biggest problem lies in actually waking up. He has this ridiculous routine of setting alarms an hour or an hour and a half before he has to get up, and slowly shortens the amount of space between each alarm until they're one minute apart. Which I've tried to tell him is stupid, because that's not the purpose of an alarm and he's now in this mindset that 'oh there's another alarm, it's fine, i've still got time for more sleep' where as I used to have 3 alarms 5 minutes apart and I had to be out of bed on the 3rd alarm. He's trialed it my way, but it didn't work for him, but this was months ago and I don't think he tried it for long, so probably might be an idea to have him change up his alarms again... Because currently, his alarm clock is me, ten or fifteen minutes before he has to get out the door :\ I've tried to wake him up earlier so we can have time to talk and he can have breakfast, but half the time he'll just stay moaning in bed so I've given up waking him up until I have to - and then I usually end up in panic mode asking him to send me a message so I know that he's up and heading to school. I've gotten to the point where I've said "don't start a skype call until you're up" because I get sick of telling him to get up and it frustrates me to see him lazing around in bed while I'm trying to do work, and I thought that might give him more incentive to get up to see me before school, but no. I used to do the same thing on weekends, allow him a bit more of a sleep in before waking him up, but I've given that up now too because it'll easily take an hour for me to try and talk him out of bed. The result being that this 14 hours of sleep thing now happens.
I guess I just fear we're going to have the same problem when we're sleeping together. It wasn't a problem getting him out of bed on our last visit, but that's because we had a busy sight-seeing schedule and places we had to be. But I remember a few times on our lazy first visit trying to drag him out of bed with anything from kisses and sex to forcefully trying to pull on his hand and pull off the sheets - can't have been the nicest way to do it, but it's become such a nuisance for me
It's like, he's an adult, he should be able to get himself out of bed without me and I shouldn't have to worry and keep an eye on the time to see whether he's going to wake up in time to get to school. I'm hoping things will be better when we're together, because I can imagine my moods increasing if I'm waiting 3+ hours for him to wake up after I'm already out of bed, but at the same time, I think something needs to change now. He's been going to sleep earlier to try and help it, meaning I don't get to see him in the mornings, but at the same time he can sometimes stay up past 3am on a weekend. I can see he's been trying to combat that, but it doesn't make a difference, because he doesn't wake up any earlier than he used to :\
Anyone had similar problems? Is it just that he needs a better alarm system; or try and stick with his habits longer? Because he has trouble sticking to a regular bedtime/wake up pattern. Or maybe it's simply a matter of him needing to eat better and drink more water, which I'm constantly trying to tell him--and I'm no health lover myself, but he avoids his greens as much as he can. Or does his body simply need over half a day of sleep--though technically it's not when he wakes up in the middle of the night and can't get back to sleep, but it's still lying about in bed that long. And how can I become more understanding instead of snappy all the time? We've discussed it with ourselves so often, and he knows I'm posting this, because it's one of the biggest conflicts we have and we could really just do with another take on it. Maybe it's simply because we're both just so different, but I think he's relying on me but then he thinks he's not. But then the alternative is not waking him up in time for school, and I know he'll sleep through because he's done it before. The alternative is not seeing or chatting with him on a weekend, when he's actually available. :\ If you've got this far, you're amazing!!
Just need a place to vent. If you do read, my SO and I would both appreciate any advice For the longest time, my SO has had trouble sleeping. I guess it's sort of always been there in the background even before we started dating, but I feel like it's getting worse and it puts a stress on our relationship. I've never had trouble sleeping and can literally fall asleep within sixty seconds of my head hitting the pillow, and so I find it really hard to relate to him and I feel like I've given all the advice I can, but maybe it's going to be one of those things where he won't listen unless he hears it from someone else. Problem is, it fustrates me so much and often puts me in moods, even though I know it's not his fault and I've been trying hard to be more understanding and not let my emotions get the better of me. I guess I'm just worried about how it will be in the future when we're living together.
Point is, lately he's been in bed for 14 hours on his days off, maybe not sleeping for the whole of that time, as he will often wake up and have trouble getting back to sleep... but still, 14 hours. When we have an 8 hour time difference, this obviously cuts into the time we get with one another. For months, I haven't been able to look forward to his days off because it usually involves him waking up past his lunchtime, right on my own bedtime. And I get that different people need different hours of sleep, 7-10 hours or whatever. But 14 just seems over the top. And it's not that he's tired throughout the day, because when he wakes up, he's awake; he only gets tired during the day if he's had a bad nights sleep, usually under 7 hours which is fair enough, but even then he starts falling asleep at the computer when we're on a call. It used to annoy me when I was at work, and I was surviving on 5-6 hours sleep most nights and I could still manage a full 8 hour work day without any impact on my work, which was probably not good for me either, but maybe that's where part of the nuisance stems from.
Anyway, if I could guess, I don't think it's the problem with the amount of sleep he's getting - because he'll get 8 hours a sleep during a school night, and he's just fine with that. I think the biggest problem lies in actually waking up. He has this ridiculous routine of setting alarms an hour or an hour and a half before he has to get up, and slowly shortens the amount of space between each alarm until they're one minute apart. Which I've tried to tell him is stupid, because that's not the purpose of an alarm and he's now in this mindset that 'oh there's another alarm, it's fine, i've still got time for more sleep' where as I used to have 3 alarms 5 minutes apart and I had to be out of bed on the 3rd alarm. He's trialed it my way, but it didn't work for him, but this was months ago and I don't think he tried it for long, so probably might be an idea to have him change up his alarms again... Because currently, his alarm clock is me, ten or fifteen minutes before he has to get out the door :\ I've tried to wake him up earlier so we can have time to talk and he can have breakfast, but half the time he'll just stay moaning in bed so I've given up waking him up until I have to - and then I usually end up in panic mode asking him to send me a message so I know that he's up and heading to school. I've gotten to the point where I've said "don't start a skype call until you're up" because I get sick of telling him to get up and it frustrates me to see him lazing around in bed while I'm trying to do work, and I thought that might give him more incentive to get up to see me before school, but no. I used to do the same thing on weekends, allow him a bit more of a sleep in before waking him up, but I've given that up now too because it'll easily take an hour for me to try and talk him out of bed. The result being that this 14 hours of sleep thing now happens.
I guess I just fear we're going to have the same problem when we're sleeping together. It wasn't a problem getting him out of bed on our last visit, but that's because we had a busy sight-seeing schedule and places we had to be. But I remember a few times on our lazy first visit trying to drag him out of bed with anything from kisses and sex to forcefully trying to pull on his hand and pull off the sheets - can't have been the nicest way to do it, but it's become such a nuisance for me
It's like, he's an adult, he should be able to get himself out of bed without me and I shouldn't have to worry and keep an eye on the time to see whether he's going to wake up in time to get to school. I'm hoping things will be better when we're together, because I can imagine my moods increasing if I'm waiting 3+ hours for him to wake up after I'm already out of bed, but at the same time, I think something needs to change now. He's been going to sleep earlier to try and help it, meaning I don't get to see him in the mornings, but at the same time he can sometimes stay up past 3am on a weekend. I can see he's been trying to combat that, but it doesn't make a difference, because he doesn't wake up any earlier than he used to :\ Anyone had similar problems? Is it just that he needs a better alarm system; or try and stick with his habits longer? Because he has trouble sticking to a regular bedtime/wake up pattern. Or maybe it's simply a matter of him needing to eat better and drink more water, which I'm constantly trying to tell him--and I'm no health lover myself, but he avoids his greens as much as he can. Or does his body simply need over half a day of sleep--though technically it's not when he wakes up in the middle of the night and can't get back to sleep, but it's still lying about in bed that long. And how can I become more understanding instead of snappy all the time? We've discussed it with ourselves so often, and he knows I'm posting this, because it's one of the biggest conflicts we have and we could really just do with another take on it.
Maybe it's simply because we're both just so different, but I think he's relying on me but then he thinks he's not. But then the alternative is not waking him up in time for school, and I know he'll sleep through because he's done it before. The alternative is not seeing or chatting with him on a weekend, when he's actually available. :\ If you've got this far, you're amazing!!
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