Help! SO is still married

[LunaMarie29]

Estranged ≠ divorced.

As I stated before, I would take issue with someone who misrepresented themselves to me. Either you have gone through the divorce proceedings or you have not. I made it clear to my partner that if she wasn't available to me, then I was not going to pursue the relationship.

I also looked at her motives for delaying the divorce. She had not even began the proceedings. That spoke volumes to me. Because she delayed the divorce, again, she was not available to me. I do not like being strung along, therefore I left that relationship. I later found someone who was and is available to me.

It perplexes me that people get into new relationships without resolving the past. It's like jumping into a relationship while you're still in an old relationship. No dice for me.

I have to agree with you. When we met and i asked him why they got divorced, he said that his EW doesn't like the group of people he's with/friends. I thought all this time that it's his EW that has a problem. But last week, when he told me that they will talk again, that's when he told me that they are not legally separated and that the cause of their falling apart is because he cheated. His EW threw him out of the house and no contact since then.

He is still not telling me anything about what happened during their talk. And when he messages me on Skype, he always says he's busy and that we'll talk later. Which made me feel like he's avoiding our talk (or I'm just being paranoid). When he told me that they will meet again, I already decided that I won't ask him what they've talked about and let him tell me what happened on his own accord.

I'm just really disappointed that it took almost 2 years before I found out everything.

[R&R]

So let me get this straight:
*He led you to believe he was divorced and then it came out he is married after 2 years
*His wife (no EW, they are married) kicked him out for cheating
*He avoids real conversations with you
*You are afraid to bring things up - so no real communication
*You don't trust him

Now tell me again why you are with him? Oh and "I love him" is not a valid answer.

[LunaMarie29]

So let me get this straight:
*He led you to believe he was divorced and then it came out he is married after 2 years
*His wife (no EW, they are married) kicked him out for cheating
*He avoids real conversations with you
*You are afraid to bring things up - so no real communication
*You don't trust him

Now tell me again why you are with him? Oh and "I love him" is not a valid answer.

Ouch, truth hurts. But thanks for being honest and frank. Of course I love him is one of the reasons and honestly, I'm still waiting on what he will tell me. I know there are so many factors/reasons telling me that I should not push through with this relationship but I'm still hoping that he will initiate for the filing of divorce or cooperate with his wife in case it's the wife who filed for it.

I'm silly I know

[Moon]

Ouch, truth hurts. But thanks for being honest and frank. Of course I love him is one of the reasons and honestly, I'm still waiting on what he will tell me. I know there are so many factors/reasons telling me that I should not push through with this relationship but I'm still hoping that he will initiate for the filing of divorce or cooperate with his wife in case it's the wife who filed for it.

I'm silly I know

I'm curious, how long are you willing to wait for this to happen? How long can he be married, and you'll still stay with him? What if neither he, nor his wife, initiate a divorce?

[differentcountries]

You have every reason not to trust him. He withheld the truth to you for two years, saying he was legally divorced. Even when the truth comes it, he handles it in a way that makes YOU feel ashamed of yourself and shy to ask him. It is revealed that his marriage ended because he cheated, it is quite possable that is not the only reason, but how would you know if he does not want to talk about it?

I dont care that he lied to you, cheated on his ex and are not divorced. Those are bad things, but not unforgivable things on their own. But unless he finds it in himself to fix this mess NOW, and have a real heart to heart convo with you, I dont see any future in your relationship with this man. Because then, even after everything is out in the open, he is not taking responsability for anything. This lack of responsability is a HUGE personality flaw. And then you know what the rest of your life with this man will be like.

[LunaMarie29]

I'm curious, how long are you willing to wait for this to happen? How long can he be married, and you'll still stay with him? What if neither he, nor his wife, initiate a divorce?

I know what the right thing to do. I just want to know what did they talked about and what's on his mind. Or should I just let go without knowing?

[sasad]

That's your choice. Are you ok with walking away or do you want/need to know? I myself would ask, then tell him to call me when it's final...