LDR Breakup with Fiance

[judge07]

Hi, my LDR has recently ended 2 weeks ago. My fiance who is attending school internationally told me that she wanted to be alone. She feels lost. She's confused about what she wants from her life, marriage, and her career. Her program is only a year, but we couldn't make it. We've been together for 3.5 years and now she ended it. I'm crushed. I don't know what to do. I love her dearly, and I know she loves me. Does anyone have any pointers?

Thanks.

[Redheart14]

She's obviously overwhelmed, I know it's hard but try give her some space to sort things out.

[hmrambling]

Welcome to LFAD!

If she broke up with you, and she said she wants to be alone, I would believe her if I were you. Leave her alone.

[R&R]

Hi, my LDR has recently ended 2 weeks ago. My fiance who is attending school internationally told me that she wanted to be alone. She feels lost. She's confused about what she wants from her life, marriage, and her career. Her program is only a year, but we couldn't make it. We've been together for 3.5 years and now she ended it. I'm crushed. I don't know what to do. I love her dearly, and I know she loves me. Does anyone have any pointers?

Thanks.

Unfortunately, there are some people who just can't handle distance. Being away from their SO, new experiences and focusing on their new school/job/etc can be overwhelming. Sometimes, they will remove what they may consider being the easiest off their plate. That doesn't mean breaking up with you was an easy decision, but right now it will have the least impact since you are not right there.

Respect her wishes and don't contact her. Take this time to focus on you. Don't sit and do the "what if" or "why" game. It's over and torturing yourself over it isn't going to help you. Write it out in a personal journal if that will make it easier. Make sure you don't seclude yourself. Go out and spend time with friends. Do things that maybe you wanted to do but didn't because of circumstances. Understand it's okay to be upset and unhappy for awhile but don't allows yourself to wallow in it. You will get through this. We all have at one point or another had to deal with a breakup and we're all here to support you.

[judge07]

I just can't accept that it's over without being able to discuss things with her. If she's the person I know, she will have enough respect for me to discuss things.

[R&R]

Then let her come to you when she is ready to talk about it. You can accept it - you are choosing not to. By contacting her, you will be disrespecting her request and give her another reason to validate she made the correct decision.

[differentcountries]

I just can't accept that it's over without being able to discuss things with her. If she's the person I know, she will have enough respect for me to discuss things.

Perhaps it is because she has this "respect" for you that she does not want to talk things over right now. She knows that you want answers that she can't or are not willing to give.

Her life feels as it is at crossroads. If you are a decent person who has life figured out, she may think (rightly or not so) that you are not able to understand what a mess she feels.

She may love you, but that does not mean she may not also break up with you, if you represent something that she feels unable to deal with. Even herself, the way she used to be with you.

Best way forwards is sometimes a step to the side. We dont know what the future might bring.

[judge07]

Perhaps you are correct. I know she doesn't have the answers I seek yet. I'm going to try no contact for awhile and see if she messages me. Maybe she just needs time to think about things.

[mseo7]

Hi,
I came across this thread and I wanted to let you know I'm on the same boat as you..
LDR for 2.5 years. A few days ago he told me he needs to be alone. I was devastated but I knew I had to respect his wishes. I feel at this point nothing o say will change how he thinks. Like you, I've decided to do no contact and that's probably best. It's not easy because I know you just want to disuss it and figure things out.. having no control over the distance is so frustrating.
Try to stay strong.. find ways to keep yourself occupied and talk to family and friends so you have support.. and I know you'll have days you feel okay and other days it may be very difficult.. allow yourself to feel what you have to. I really agree with the suggestion above. Write down your feelings in a journal, it actually helps and is therapeutic.
My heart goes to you.

[judge07]

mseo7,

Thanks for your message. I've been writing my thoughts and feelings since she ended our relationship. I sent her a letter 3 days after with all of my feelings; probably wasn't the best idea in hindsight. I know she has received it, but we haven't discussed anything.

[judge07]

Update:

My SO reached out to me via text and we spoke for a little bit. I didn't bring anything up, just casual conversation. She keeps posting online about going out with a guy friend of hers from the university. My insecurities are going crazy with everything. They went on a trip together recently that she felt the need to tell me about. Any suggestions on what to do? I don't want to mention anything about them because I don't want to upset her.

[Honour]

Now might be a good time to block out her posts on whatever social media platform she's using.