Any Scandinavians to help me to decode if this guy likes me or not?

[clytaemnestra]

Hi everyone.
So, two months ago I met one Finnish Couchsurfer who visited my town. We hung out together during the day and he slept at my place (nothing sexually happened). He was a bit shy and non-talkative at the beginning, later a bit more relaxed. He was flirty and he added me on Facebook. He wrote that I'm beautiful, interesting and intelligent (he wrote me that in a reference, so I told him I don't like compliments in the sake of politeness and he told me he really means I am). He initiated conversation when he left and next few days he was initiating first and sending me a lot of pictures. He wished me good night with 'good night beautiful'.

After that period, I was the one initiating the conversation. The conversation is great. Once happened two days I didn't contact him and after that I wrote him I've been thinking about him. He says me he has been thinking about me as well. We started talking about a meet up. He suggested first when we met to meet in Asia if we happened both there in February, but he changed his plans, he's on another continent, so I suggested me visiting him. He makes the world trip. He told me he'll keep me updated where he's gonna be for my holidays. I asked him how long his trip is gonna last, he told me he has no idea at all and maybe few years and then he'll move near mountains and then I told him now I have someone to visit overseas and when I move to the mountains what I plan in October he'll be jealous of me and he told me he's gonna start missing me then and that I have a good plan. He told me to send him more pictures of me after I sent him one and he ends his messages with ":*".

Now, few questions.
1. Is it normal that I'm the only one initiating communication in the recent time? I asked him if I bother him, he wrote me 'you aren't bothering me at all, haha'. I know in Scandinavia comparing to Southern Europe women are in charge, but how to know if I bother him or it's just his normal silence?
2. Is it normal that I'm the only one who suggested flying overseas to visit him? I was beating around the bush how I'd like to visit North America, but he didn't invite me and he was also beating around the bush until I said directly. I also commented how I like his hair and he told me he'll let it grow before we meet. He also didn't offer himself to meet on the half of the way or so. He's very silent comparing to me in general. So, I asked him if he wants us to meet at all and he replies 'yeah, sounds good'. He's outta internet, so I thought instead of waiting for more updates, I could make a plan and suggest him to meet on one place I found a cheap flight to. Should I bring it out to him, would it be too pushy? Is it too much to fly 10 000 kilometers overseas for someone I spent only 12 hours with?
3. I feel like I'm taking all the initiative, is it normal, does this guy like me or he just sees me as an average friend?

[C.C.]

FINLAND IS NOT A SCANDINAVIAN COUNTRY!
Just had to say it I mean the cultures are similar, but it's also so so different and their language is too and they are just different.

As for the actual advice.

1. You are getting into the whole new world. You can't rely on your common sense or views. Learn him genuinely, that's the only way you can decipher whether his silence means something negative. But yeah, most of the time, Finns love silence. And they are also really honest so basically, if he didn't like you as a person at least, he wouldn't talk or get close to you.
2. I don't think it'll be too pushy, really. And if he said it's a good idea, then he most likely will be delighted to hear that. I don't think most of the Finns say stuff just to be nice/polite or to dismiss something. Also, you won't fly there FOR him but for yourself also, right? You'd be enjoying a trip either way.
3. NO ONE here can tell you whether he likes him or not. You can only find it out from and with him. BUT Finns and nordic people are shy and take less initiative in general. They are also honest and mostly mean when they say something. This is not ALL OF THEM of course, but you know how a culture shapes someone and so on? Also, don't worry if he doesn't write you a couple of days, he probably just likes his space.

Best of luck :3

[C.C.]

Oh btw, I remembered this and had to share. A bit stereotypical but funny af

[differentcountries]

yes well, the Nordic countries and Scandinavia always gets confused, even by us If depends on what you look at, of course, how much the countries differ. But it is true that the Finnish language is very different from other Nordic countries, although many Finns speak Swedish as well - which is their second official language.

It seems a bit complicated meeting up if he is on a "forever" journey, but it can be done.

Finns would not bother to keep in touch if not interested. If you are both interested, no problem

If you can make it a fun journey for yourself, and you have the money, go see him

And this one is funny (because it is true) https://finnishnightmares.blogspot.no/

[Bee'sknees]

Well, I'm Finnish so I can try and help, but sometimes it's difficult to decode people even for a Finn. I would say that generally speaking people do not compliment each other unless they mean it, because it's difficult for Finns to receive them. I don't think I know anyone, who compliments just for the sake of it, unless they're drunk.

1. Is it normal that I'm the only one initiating communication in the recent time? I asked him if I bother him, he wrote me 'you aren't bothering me at all, haha'. I know in Scandinavia comparing to Southern Europe women are in charge, but how to know if I bother him or it's just his normal silence?

-Yes it is. Usually it's a man's job to do the wooing so to speak, but it's quite often the woman who keeps the conversation kind of flowing and starts the conversation. Especially with texting, since many men are not that keen on texting anyway. I wrote about our culture and quietness in another thread by AgentB, so you can check that out as well.

2. Is it normal that I'm the only one who suggested flying overseas to visit him? I was beating around the bush how I'd like to visit North America, but he didn't invite me and he was also beating around the bush until I said directly. I also commented how I like his hair and he told me he'll let it grow before we meet. He also didn't offer himself to meet on the half of the way or so. He's very silent comparing to me in general. So, I asked him if he wants us to meet at all and he replies 'yeah, sounds good'. He's outta internet, so I thought instead of waiting for more updates, I could make a plan and suggest him to meet on one place I found a cheap flight to. Should I bring it out to him, would it be too pushy? Is it too much to fly 10 000 kilometers overseas for someone I spent only 12 hours with?

-I would again say yes. I think that in our culture it's difficult to ask other people to do stuff for us and asking someone to travel such a long way to see him might feel a bit rude. I, for example, never ask my BF to travel to Finland and I always let him bring that up. We've been doing this for over two years, but to me it still feels somehow rude and pushy to ask something like that, especially when it involves money. And those "Yeah, sounds good." replies are classic Finnish. Can't show too much emotion. You can always bring it up and only you know if it's too much to fly there.

3. I feel like I'm taking all the initiative, is it normal, does this guy like me or he just sees me as an average friend?

-Keep in mind that it takes a longer time for a Finn to be completely comfortable with someone new. I chatted with my BF for six months and I was very awkward with him over text and Skype. It took a good amount of meetings, thousands of texts and hundreds of minutes of Skype calls before I could be 100% myself around him. I know it's a bit frustrating, but that's how it usually is. We can be extremely reserved, but once that shell is cracked, I think we're quite warm and loyal people. So yeah, he doesn't necessarily take the iniative, because he's reserved.

Hope that helps! And yeah, Finnish Nightmares is spot on.

[clytaemnestra]

Thank you all very much for your replies!
Yes, the nightmare is spot on. He's the weirdest person I've ever met in my life. I feel like jumping off the bridge after trying to decode him.

So, I sent him a long message wishing him good landing, telling him what's going on in my life while he was absent those 3 weeks outta internet, sent some pics of me and I sent all the flights that are close to him and spoke a bit about possibilities for holidays. All of those would include him being mobile as well, since they're not direct to the place he's at the moment, but still if I could fly 10 000 kilometers, he could take a bus and pass 100. I guess. He was online for like 10 minutes, he just read a message and didn't reply anything. I get it that he has a full inbox after 3 weeks of a dangerous adventure and that he should call his family and friends first and tell them that everything is okay, but dude.. We never talked over Skype, just chat and he had some issues now (lost in a race) and I told him if he feels sad or fucked up he can call me and talk with me, but I don't think that's gonna happen. Anyways, I'm pissed off for not replying at least "I'm busy, I'll let you know tomorrow" and I'm waiting for him to appear online and to tell me if he wants me to come and what he thinks about those options. If I'd have been outta internet for 3 weeks I couldn't wait to contact people, but we'll see what he says. I don't know even what to think, I distracted myself by focusing on studies, I really have no idea at all what's going on in his head at the moment.

[clytaemnestra]

Well, I'm Finnish so I can try and help, but sometimes it's difficult to decode people even for a Finn. I would say that generally speaking people do not compliment each other unless they mean it, because it's difficult for Finns to receive them. I don't think I know anyone, who compliments just for the sake of it, unless they're drunk.

1. Is it normal that I'm the only one initiating communication in the recent time? I asked him if I bother him, he wrote me 'you aren't bothering me at all, haha'. I know in Scandinavia comparing to Southern Europe women are in charge, but how to know if I bother him or it's just his normal silence?

-Yes it is. Usually it's a man's job to do the wooing so to speak, but it's quite often the woman who keeps the conversation kind of flowing and starts the conversation. Especially with texting, since many men are not that keen on texting anyway. I wrote about our culture and quietness in another thread by AgentB, so you can check that out as well.

2. Is it normal that I'm the only one who suggested flying overseas to visit him? I was beating around the bush how I'd like to visit North America, but he didn't invite me and he was also beating around the bush until I said directly. I also commented how I like his hair and he told me he'll let it grow before we meet. He also didn't offer himself to meet on the half of the way or so. He's very silent comparing to me in general. So, I asked him if he wants us to meet at all and he replies 'yeah, sounds good'. He's outta internet, so I thought instead of waiting for more updates, I could make a plan and suggest him to meet on one place I found a cheap flight to. Should I bring it out to him, would it be too pushy? Is it too much to fly 10 000 kilometers overseas for someone I spent only 12 hours with?

-I would again say yes. I think that in our culture it's difficult to ask other people to do stuff for us and asking someone to travel such a long way to see him might feel a bit rude. I, for example, never ask my BF to travel to Finland and I always let him bring that up. We've been doing this for over two years, but to me it still feels somehow rude and pushy to ask something like that, especially when it involves money. And those "Yeah, sounds good." replies are classic Finnish. Can't show too much emotion. You can always bring it up and only you know if it's too much to fly there.

3. I feel like I'm taking all the initiative, is it normal, does this guy like me or he just sees me as an average friend?

-Keep in mind that it takes a longer time for a Finn to be completely comfortable with someone new. I chatted with my BF for six months and I was very awkward with him over text and Skype. It took a good amount of meetings, thousands of texts and hundreds of minutes of Skype calls before I could be 100% myself around him. I know it's a bit frustrating, but that's how it usually is. We can be extremely reserved, but once that shell is cracked, I think we're quite warm and loyal people. So yeah, he doesn't necessarily take the iniative, because he's reserved.

Hope that helps! And yeah, Finnish Nightmares is spot on.

Thank you very much! Those posts give me a strength and patience, if I had asked my friends they'd have answered that he obviously gives me hints that he's disinterested, since I'm raised in an open-chatty-friendly culture where people express feelings freely.
So, he replied me, he told me he's gonna work and asked me if I have flights to that place where he got a job. Unfortunately, it's all too expensive. He asked me then when I have my days off and told me he'll keep me updated where he is. So, he's clearly interested into a meet up. When he went he sent me "puss!".

I asked him how was it and he replied 'really cool' and told me he's not good at writing and sent me (guess what!) official report of the race!! (I haven't understood half of the words explaining the rules and parts). I told him I asked him for his experience and he told me everything he can say is 'really cool'. That's that awkwardness, I guess, I had ordinary life and I wrote the wall of text and he described the adventure of his life in two words, literally.
I wanted to ask you, do you think if I ask him to Skype that he'll be more talkative and that'll somehow 'make' him talk and us to communicate better or it'll be more awkward? Without meet up soon, I'm afraid that we're gonna loose the communication, since he's silent and now he starts to work, thus less time.

[Bee'sknees]

Thank you very much! Those posts give me a strength and patience, if I had asked my friends they'd have answered that he obviously gives me hints that he's disinterested, since I'm raised in an open-chatty-friendly culture where people express feelings freely.
So, he replied me, he told me he's gonna work and asked me if I have flights to that place where he got a job. Unfortunately, it's all too expensive. He asked me then when I have my days off and told me he'll keep me updated where he is. So, he's clearly interested into a meet up. When he went he sent me "puss!".

I asked him how was it and he replied 'really cool' and told me he's not good at writing and sent me (guess what!) official report of the race!! (I haven't understood half of the words explaining the rules and parts). I told him I asked him for his experience and he told me everything he can say is 'really cool'. That's that awkwardness, I guess, I had ordinary life and I wrote the wall of text and he described the adventure of his life in two words, literally.
I wanted to ask you, do you think if I ask him to Skype that he'll be more talkative and that'll somehow 'make' him talk and us to communicate better or it'll be more awkward? Without meet up soon, I'm afraid that we're gonna loose the communication, since he's silent and now he starts to work, thus less time.

Haha, I can relate. Whenever someone asks me how my day was or something like that, my answer usually is "good". I guess we're expected to just reply directly to that specific question and not to elaborate on anything unless there are more specific questions, lol. And small talk doesn't even exist here.

Might be different for you, since you've already met, but Skype calls might be awkward at first and you'd again see that reserved nature. I mean, I don't even want to think about our first calls, because I was just so quiet and giving him my one word answers to everything. But again, when you've been doing that for a while, he'd most likely open up more and more. I found that skypeing was helping me to get more comfortable around my BF, and fairly quickly we were having three hour calls and I was able to speak full sentences. Just don't be annoyed if he's quiet at first and if you have to take lead in the conversation, he'll get better, lol.

[hmrambling]

Don't post questions like "Does he/she like me?", "What's going on with him?", etc. We do not know what the person is thinking; we're not psychics!

Please check out the guidelines on the link above. It's hard for strangers on the internet to tell if someone likes you. Our guesses are as good as yours.

[C.C.]

Don't post questions like "Does he/she like me?", "What's going on with him?", etc. We do not know what the person is thinking; we're not psychics!

Please check out the guidelines on the link above. It's hard for strangers on the internet to tell if someone likes you. Our guesses are as good as yours.

Again, rules are useful, but the question wasn't "does he like me?" even though it kinda contained that as well. Question MAINLY was how people from a certain culture act when they like someone and how dating works there in general. Which really is different from many other cultures and I am sure the OP got a lot of help in regards to that.

[Moon]

As someone in a long-term relationship with a Finn, culturally they can be quite different at expressing emotions than what an American is used to. The OP is not violating the rules, she's asking other (wrongly, as finns aren't technically Scandinavian) Scandinavians to help her out, because she's confused about how they express themselves. I wish I could've had other Finns to ask at the beginning of mine! Let's give the newbies a break, huh? You can ignore them if you're tired of the questions, but what you're doing by posting the "rules" everywhere feels really unfriendly. I've been here since the beginning, and when I see questions that I'm tired of, or I can't answer, I just move on to the next post. We try to be generally nice at this forum, and your postings are going to make some people too insecure and feeling unwelcome to continue here.

[clytaemnestra]

I asked specific questions and answers on those questions would help me to see if this guy is only shy or disinterested. I asked Scandinavian because dating culture is kinda the same, I should have asked 'Nordic' to be more accurate. I apologize for that. I'm from Southern Europe where people very easily and openly show emotions and where men chase women, so I was at the beginning in a huge dilemma, because I was suddenly the only one initiating contact and meet up, so I wanted to see what's his perspective on this situation, if we consider that he's raised in a Nordic culture and not used to show emotions openly like my fellow Southerns do.
I got a lot of help, thank you all. I'll update from time to time, so others when google about those things see how things between us ended up.
Keep calm and keep chasing him.

[C.C.]

I'll update from time to time, so others when google about those things see how things between us ended up.

You are most welcome to do so.
By the way, I am from a different culture as well and my ex SO is Finnish, we never met and weren't together THAT long, but I have experienced my share of culture shocks.
Be patient and open-minded and best of luck to you :3

[Rezie]

I was about to post that Finns are not a completely different species. I mean they do tend to be quite direct and not care about meaningless small talk. Guys tend not to be too agressive and it is completely fine for women to pursue men. Sure people are not that expressive and like quiet, but when a finn likes someone they do show it. They do contact people if they want to contact them. They might not be too open about feelings but they do show interest. It might not be too obvious but once they know you are into them they rela. Obviously everyone is an individual blahbla.

I think the OP's case is quite different from "standard" but I think he has a vague interest but because of the traveling and the uncertanty about what is happening he is not actively doing anything. I can easily be very wrong but this was kind of what I got.

[C.C.]

Actually, if I remember correctly, scientific tests showed that Finns contain some unique dna from other Europeans
So not sure about them not being different species
Don't mind me, they are not that bad, I am. At joking.