Tired and Scared. So far away for so long!

[Hedgehog]

Hi everyone, this is my first post. I just really need some advice and help.
My best friend finally admitted he was in love with me only 5 months before he had to leave to move over 9,000 miles away. Awesome timing. Now he's been on the other side of the world for a little over a month and I already am so tired of this whole long distance relationship thing. So much so that I'm almost ready to call it off.

I'm sick of the stale conversations where I have to struggle to think of something for us to talk about.
I'm sick of him having to log off after less than an hour of chatting when chatting is all that we have anymore.
I'm sick of feeling longing and loneliness more than I feel love.

I do kind of know that it's only been a month, but I don't have a lot of other friends, and my social life is basically zero, so I don't really know what to do without him.

Also, there's no possible way for us to meet in person for the next two years, so I know the next time I'm able to communicate with him without a stupid computer won't be for a practical eternity. Things are too uncertain for him to even determine when he'll come back, and he's admitted himself that maybe he won't come back.

I love him so much, but this whole thing is getting old really fast, and I can't imagine not even being able to talk to him in person, much less kiss him, for 2 whole years.

Does anyone have any encouragement or advice for me?

[differentcountries]

Hi,

I have dated my boyfriend long distance for more than 3 years. Granted, we have had visits during this time, but we have also gone 4 months or more without seeing each other. Our relationship started off as as long distance (I met him during a one week holiday) - and we have never spent more than a month together.

Like you, I found this site after about 1 month of long distance when I was at my wit's end. I had no idea how to be able to visit him or even stay in tough until we did. I had no money (I had actually been gifted the trip where I met him). This site is a really good place to get advice on how to do things in order to keep your sanity.

First, I want to say: You not having friends is, as I am sure you know, a problem on its own. It is not neccesarily alarming - I had very few friends at 16 and not I have more friends than most I know - but it adds to your stress right now. If you dont want to or are not able to get any new friends, at least find a place where you meet people who are ok to hang around for a bit, or engage in a hobby that will keep you occupied. You will be without him most of the time, and you have a life to live. You are young and have a lot of things to figure out, that can be an exiting time to share with things happening for the both of you.

Secondly, there are many ways to keep in touch. We dont neccesarily have very long chats - but we keep in touch through small interludes during the day (if we can) and by sending pictures. We are very silly, we even send each other pics of animals we meet... (we both love animals and especially cats). Today was Christmas eve, which is the BIG DAY in my country. I celebrated with 10 members of my family. He could not come, and he was working so we could not Skype, but we used the Viber app and I told him what I would be doing that day (making dessert for 11 people and helping my aunt, who is the boss of Christmas) and I sent him pics of myself, and the dessert. So, he said that I looked lovely and the dessert delicious. yesterday, he recorded a video that he sent me where he said Merry Christmas in my language (which he is learning somewhat). They are small things, but they mean so much.

Last but not least, I understand that you may not afford to visit, but if he is working or in an exchange program, is he not able to visit his home country? It sounds that a month in, there are lots of things he does not know yet, and so you don't know - and dont have to worry just yet. While uncertainty means you cant get answeres right away, it also means possabilities and chances you may not be aware of.

[sasad]

Some people cannnot handle long distance and that is ok. It really is.
You need to decide if this is something you can deal with or not. I see you are 16, so you most likely have money, time and parental constraints, and those do not make things easier.
There are people here that have not met their SO ever..talk to Honour ..she has done this for over a year.

You have to communicate, and you both need to find what is acceptable for both of you. You mention struggling to find things to talk about, yet being upset you can't chat long. There are sections here that have suggestions on what to discuss etc. talk about issues and stuff to help you learn about each other. I know there is only so much, "I miss you sooo much" you can say.

Also, please make friends and find hobbies etc, Go out and find things you like to share, as well as to help YOU grow. R&R will tell you over and over...don't make your life all about your SO..he/she should enhance your life, not be your life.

A lot of us here have good advice and information to share, and we will, but it is up to you to make decisions on where and how you want to move on.

Best of lu k to you no matter what road you choose!

[C.C.]

I know a couple who did it for 4 years. They hadn't been physically together before starting a relationship, though.
LDRs really are hard, they take a lot of patience and commitment. More than the ordinary ones do, imho, in the beginning at least. And especially hard at your age/stage of life.

And it's up to an individual to decide whether they can and mainly whether they WANT to do one.

Don't make a hasty decision, think about it carefully, and be open to both of the outcomes, it won't mean you loving him any less either if you call it off.
And if you decide to try, remember AT ALL TIMES, in any relationship. Never ever let your relationship to fill most of "you". You need to be full person yourselves and share it with each other. You should be each others' pleasant addition rather than a filling thing.
You can't say "I don't have friends, etc" as an excuse. I understand how super hard it is to get friends and socialise for many. But, getting hobbies and exploring what you like isn't. Making some me-time and focusing on your irl life isn't, which has more aspects then social one (try to improve on that front as well tho).
Trust me, if you do it this way, time will pass, you'll leave the honeymoon phase and you'll have some resentment and lack of satisfaction by how much time and energy you spent on him and you'll realise that you are burning out from it and need your own time and space as well. Which might already be too hard to regain. It should be number one relationship rule or something.

You are young, you have a lot of growing and exploring to do. Live life, form your views, learn, try to find enjoyable things in it. Relationship isn't the main driving point/priority of life, and if you are patient and focus on yourself as well, the ldr might just stay there all along (just not consuming your whole life) and come at its finest shape and strength when you finally get to meet each other :3
Best of luck!