Neediness

[Pinkxoxoxo]

Help!

I've been in a LDR for 3 months with someone that lives on the other side of the world. We have plans to see each other soon but I feel like our relationship is becoming more and more strained. We both have seperate lives with lots of friends, work etc. However I feel like I miss him a lot more than he misses me. I would love to talk all the time, even though I know we can't. Although I'm busy I always find time to text him, and when he doesn't reply it makes me so anxious. I know this is stupid and I am being needy but I can't help it. I find myself in tears if I haven't spoken to him because it makes me feel like he's forgetting me or doesn't love me. Even if I know he's busy if he doesn't reply it really gets to me. I know this is so stupid but I can't help it. It's driving me mad!!! I need to break out of this cycle before I drive him away. I love him so much but feel this relationship is leaving me feeling more lonely than loved at the moment.
Any advice?

[R&R]

There are a few important things to remember:

*Just because someone doesn't react, respond, or communicate to the amount you do doesn't mean they don't care or they are wrong. Every person is different and what they feel is adequate is different. Your SO is not you, so don't expect him to act like you.
*He may not realize how much it upsets you. If you bring it up to him, make sure you come with realistic solutions. This doesn't mean "If I text you, I expect a response in 30 minutes or I get anxious." Maybe you can set aside a 20-30 minute time frame a couple of times a week that is dedicated to just each other.
*Sometimes we are our own worst enemy. We also have to take responsibility for our actions and responses. This means you have to work on finding the root of your insecurity and working on getting your confidence built back up.

[TheGirlAlmighty]

I really struggle with this exact same thing too. Everyone in my life tells me about the same thing: find things to do to keep yourself busy when you aren't talking. And even though I want to stick my fingers in my ears and throw a tantrum to keep from listening, or even when I feel like I just can't possibly break the anxious flood, I get through it and the feeling goes away until next time. One of the things that has helped me and my SO the most is just admitting to yourself how much it stinks. Tell yourself it's okay to be sad and allow yourself to feel what is the least desirable situation, but don't let yourself get to the point where you're paralyzed. Forgive yourself for being human and do what you have to to get through it. If I can't go out or get a hold of family or friends, I try to distract myself with TV shows or music to pass the time. I try new recipes, do yoga, clean - I literally try anything I can to distract myself before I feel the anxiety take over. A few days ago, my SO was shipped off to bootcamp, so our available time together has been drastically reduced. Admittedly, I am REALLY struggling with this. But it will be okay. I've found solace in guided meditations that a quick Youtube search can yield. It helps bring me back to the present, where my anxious mind isn't constant pressing me why he isn't responding or who he's with or what he's doing - I just breathe and be in the moment as best I can. And before I know it, my phone is buzzing or ringing with the next message or call.

It's hard, nobody can deny that. But you are not alone in this. <3

[rache82]

Hi. I felt this very much with my first LDR of last year. It is a horrible feeling, just horrible.
Have you spoken to him? told him exactly what you said here? Communication is the key.