More confused than ever

[Two Pieced Heart]

So, my SO and I have been together for almost two years. We met when we were both abroad and our relationship developed quite fast. Two months after we first dated we were already living together (abroad). After 6 months we decided to try long distance since we had to go back to our countries. He's from the US and I'm from Mexico.

Everything had been great until now that I'm starting to feel unsure about our future. I'm 25 and about to graduate from the University and he is 21 and still has 1 and a half years to go. I feel like the stress about looking for a job and graduating is making me over-think everything and that is straining our relationship. I don't feel like I can stand more years apart since every time we have to say goodbye a piece of me dies inside. But I'm sure as hell that braking up would be much worse.

We've also talked about the future, getting married and having children, although last time we talked about children he said he doesn't think about it since "he's ONLY 21". What if I'm ready to have children soon and he just won't be? Is the age difference gonna tear us apart? I'm in a roller-coaster of feelings and I'm tired of crying my eyes out one day and be ecstatic the next. Am I just over thinking?

[Honour]

Well, I'm only 2-3 years older than your SO, and I don't really think about having children either. I don't even know if I want them, I'm just not ready yet. I want to live some of my life before I settle down like that. My SO is 31 this year, and he's ready right now, but he said he won't push me to have children if I don't want. We've talked extensively about what we both want. So, yes I think you're completely overthinking things, overreacting to the extreme and you need to be calm about this. Of course, I know if my SO didn't want to have children yet I wouldn't be able to stay with him, because I'm not 100% saying no... just no to right now, and not in the future. For some, it can be a relationship make-or-breaker, which I get. But don't stress too much - focus on the more immediate, important things like graduation.

[R&R]

It's honestly not surprising that at 21 he's not even thinking about children yet. My daughters are almost 21 & 22 and very few of their friends are married or even contemplating children yet. Some are starting to get engaged. A study of the ages of people in the US getting married for the first time tends to be 24-28. I'm 46 and a lot of my friends have kids who are late teens to young adults, while still having friends who have kids in grade school. One guy I went to school with just announced that he and his wife are having their first child this year and he's 46!

You need to look at your life and what the timeline you have for the goals you want to reach in life. This should just be a guideline, as we all know life has lots of ways of changing our plans. Have him create one too. Then have a conversation of what you each decided and see how close they are and what things you each may be willing to compromise on. Again, these aren't set in stone, but it will help you each see how the other is looking at their timeline for the future.

[Two Pieced Heart]

I think timeline is a great idea! I'll ask him to do and I'll see how it goes. Thank you!

[Chris516]

OP, No surprise on having children. Also, the four-year age difference is not big either. But, You sound more mature than him. As he said that he is only 21. He may not be 100% ready in the 'family way'.