Work begging me not to leave yet. What do I do?

[moondance]

So, I told work that I would be leaving the beginning of March. They took it ok...I thought.

Then that night I get into a fight with family and my mom tells me I'm "not going to make it, will get knocked up and trapped there just like [she] did" and a bunch of other really uplifting, encouraging things. I'm 27 and know how to work a goddamn condom. But it shook mr a bit. Not having the person who knows you best believe in you is a bit rattling. It broke me down.

I get home super late, don't sleep, go into work, and work is now offering to pay for my flight if I wait until May.

I cave and say I'll talk to my SO.

SO is upset, but "supportive of whatever I decide", but also crying and saying it will damage us to wait longer. We've been doing this a year.

I don't want to wait until May. Maybe April but even then, I miss my birthday in Australia with him and we had a trip loosely planned. We've had to push it already and he doesn't believe me that I'm really going to come now. I was waiting on my passport to arrive (this week!) to book the ticket. I have a different passport but the visa isn't as long on that one.
I don't want to screw my coworkers over. I don't want to disappoint my mom but she keeps projecting her life mistakes into our arguments so I'm letting go of needing her approval.

I don't want to ruin my relationship. I feel insanely guilty over all of it and paralyzed at this point. I have so much to do and it's overwhelming.

I am too drained and exhausted to make a solid choice at the moment, I need to sleep on it, but I figured some input from unbiased sources might help too.

Has anyone else had work beg them to stay longer, how did you handle the guilt? Did you stay or go?

[Redheart14]

You had a plan to go, stick to it. Who is to say that your work might ask you to stay longer than May? If they pay your flight you're in a rough spot. I would just go as originally planned. But that's just me.

[hmrambling]

My mom and I got into a huge fight because she thinks I'm throwing my life away for a guy and running away from my problems. I don't have many friends here and am not enjoying my job, and was planning to move to a more major US city before I met him. I understand that I'm making it a lot harder on myself to advance my career by starting over abroad, but I'm ready for the adventure, especially with someone as wonderful as him. However, she got under my skin, and I feel like something shifted in my subconscious after that fight.

If you don't enjoy your job, then it really doesn't matter if they beg you to stay. Why would you stay if you don't enjoy your job?

I encourage you to find friends where ever you go. It's not healthy or wise to only keep your partner as your only friend. Everyone needs a support network and people they can confide in.

[moondance]

This is a response to a different post, but I'll respond here.

My job has grown on me, and regardless I do care about the people who would be left picking up after me.

I wholeheartedly agree about the friends thing. Most of the people I was close to moved away and we fell out of touch. It was one reason I was travelling when I met my SO. I look forward to building a new circle when I move

[snow]

Without a solid written contract from work saying they will pay your flight in May, I would not even consider anything like that.

[moondance]

Without a solid written contract from work saying they will pay your flight in May, I would not even consider anything like that.

I agree with you after a decent nights sleep. I'm not accepting the ticket- it puts me in a weird position. However I am trying to decide what is best to do timeline wise. I know I'm the only one who can make the decision. I hope I pick the right one.

[differentcountries]

This depends on several things:
- What does your contract say? Do you have to give a month's notice? 3? Do you have a set contract?
- Did you get a good reccomendation from work?
- Do you have lots of money saved up?
- Do you have a contract on your flat, and if so when can you get release from or transfer it?
- What will happen after you go on the visit? Are you planning to get another job back home, stay with him to look for jobs there etc?

[Rezie]

I guess the question is do you want to stay till May or leave when planned? If you take your mum and boss from equation what would you want to do?

What your mum did was shitty but you shouldn't let that get to you. Not easy but the person who is up pose to love you unconditionally through life shuldnt say stuff like that. I mean maybe express concern but not like that. She will come around if you want her to.

This following won't be too helpful but my boyfriend has postboned our closing the distance a few times. October 2015 should have been the last contract that would end in January 2016. He still hasn't relocated. There was always a reason why he should stay a bit longer to get savings, to make it look good on CV, to pay off student loans, to get different type off work experience. All great reasons which I do understand. Unfortunately it caused me not to trust him anymore. I don't believe he is coming for a visit until he tells me the flight time that he booked. I doubt his word and even if he wants a future with me or relocate. And it's has caused me to question the entire relationship and if I want to be in it. Not of course the only reason but still.

But I wish you all the best and hope you can work it out.

[Redheart14]

I agree with you after a decent nights sleep. I'm not accepting the ticket- it puts me in a weird position. However I am trying to decide what is best to do timeline wise. I know I'm the only one who can make the decision. I hope I pick the right one.

I think you made the right choice

[moondance]

I'm not under a contract with work and generally we're only supposed to give 2 weeks notice. I thought I was helping by giving extra!

I am thinking of asking if I could work remotely, but think it would be best to have a clean break due to the time difference (+14 hrs)and nature of the job.

I am planning to look for jobs when I get there as the visa allows me to work, which leads me to my next point:

I am worried now that I won't get a good reference if I do leave on these terms, and I do need them to give me a good one. I don't know if they'd be bitter enough to give a bad one based on me not giving them more time.

[moondance]

I guess the question is do you want to stay till May or leave when planned? If you take your mum and boss from equation what would you want to do?

What your mum did was shitty but you shouldn't let that get to you. Not easy but the person who is up pose to love you unconditionally through life shuldnt say stuff like that. I mean maybe express concern but not like that. She will come around if you want her to.

This following won't be too helpful but my boyfriend has postboned our closing the distance a few times. October 2015 should have been the last contract that would end in January 2016. He still hasn't relocated. There was always a reason why he should stay a bit longer to get savings, to make it look good on CV, to pay off student loans, to get different type off work experience. All great reasons which I do understand. Unfortunately it caused me not to trust him anymore. I don't believe he is coming for a visit until he tells me the flight time that he booked. I doubt his word and even if he wants a future with me or relocate. And it's has caused me to question the entire relationship and if I want to be in it. Not of course the only reason but still.

But I wish you all the best and hope you can work it out.

Ugh I think my boyfriend would commmiserate with you. I know he's fed up with waiting. I had to push the move a few times as well due to passport issues, and now this. I can tell he's just kind of resigning himself until I have a ticket to show him.

I want to move sooner rather than later. I feel like our lives are stuck in limbo until I move. I'm worried now that leaving sooner will get me a poor reference now :/

[Rezie]

Ugh I think my boyfriend would commmiserate with you. I know he's fed up with waiting. I had to push the move a few times as well due to passport issues, and now this. I can tell he's just kind of resigning himself until I have a ticket to show him.

I want to move sooner rather than later. I feel like our lives are stuck in limbo until I move. I'm worried now that leaving sooner will get me a poor reference now :/

We bascally have the same relationship! My boyfriends latest move date was this January but due to not looking good on CV if he hasnt gotten a full financial quater he changed it to April. Previously it was a reference if he quits while on contract. Well we have been doing this for almost 5 years so it's getting to the now or never point.

If you really do want to move then just do it. They still might not give you a reference in may and want you to continue. The timing will never be perfect and there will always be a reason to postbone. So are you sure you are ready to move? Or want to? Is there another underlying reason other than work that is keeping you? It is Ok to feel that you do. You just need to be honest with yourself.

Obviously I can't speak for your boyfriend but for me the situation caused the trust issues. And if the trust is missing from relationship that causes a lot of other doubts and problems in the relationship even after the move.

[moondance]

We bascally have the same relationship! My boyfriends latest move date was this January but due to not looking good on CV if he hasnt gotten a full financial quater he changed it to April. Previously it was a reference if he quits while on contract. Well we have been doing this for almost 5 years so it's getting to the now or never point.

If you really do want to move then just do it. They still might not give you a reference in may and want you to continue. The timing will never be perfect and there will always be a reason to postbone. So are you sure you are ready to move? Or want to? Is there another underlying reason other than work that is keeping you? It is Ok to feel that you do. You just need to be honest with yourself.

Obviously I can't speak for your boyfriend but for me the situation caused the trust issues. And if the trust is missing from relationship that causes a lot of other doubts and problems in the relationship even after the move.

Honestly, I think I'm also just really nervous to move across the world from family, about finding a job, actually living with him in a relationship. I've gotten so used to the distance that I guess it's become my comfort zone, so leaving that is causing fear. Actually taking the leap is the end to a whole life chapter, it feels like. I wonder if that is how your boyfriend feels?
I think there is also the fear that it's all a huge mistake and I get there and we fall apart. I'm afraid that our relationship might not work out once we move in- but I guess that is always a risk in any relationship and I can't just maintain an ldr out of that fear.

My answer to that, for now, is to just go. If worst comes to worst I can move back and start over somewhere else.I think I'm just gonna tell work sorry, plans have already been set in place. And I'll finally book my ticket.

Thank you for the advice. I hope your guy comes around.

[Rezie]

Honestly, I think I'm also just really nervous to move across the world from family, about finding a job, actually living with him in a relationship. I've gotten so used to the distance that I guess it's become my comfort zone, so leaving that is causing fear. Actually taking the leap is the end to a whole life chapter, it feels like. I wonder if that is how your boyfriend feels?
I think there is also the fear that it's all a huge mistake and I get there and we fall apart. I'm afraid that our relationship might not work out once we move in- but I guess that is always a risk in any relationship and I can't just maintain an ldr out of that fear.

My answer to that, for now, is to just go. If worst comes to worst I can move back and start over somewhere else.I think I'm just gonna tell work sorry, plans have already been set in place. And I'll finally book my ticket.

Thank you for the advice. I hope your guy comes around.

I can believe that is how he feels and I can understand that it is not easy to the mover. And it shouldn't be taken as an easy step.

That is actually how I feel. I mean that I am reaponsible for someone having to change their lives which they wouldn't do otherwise. Do i have the right to do that? It is a lot of pressure for the one staying in their home country aswell. So Im on the other side and share the same uncertainty and anxiety as you do.

Anyways, this is blind leading the blind since I struggle with the anxiety about this relationship. So do what you think is best for you. If moving and giving it a try suits you and your partner then do it. But I would say thar make sure you give it 100% cause halfassed try will serve no-one.

Hope I'm not discouraging in anyway. I wish you two all the best!