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    #1

    boyfriend has a female housemate

    Hi all, The subject line says it all. I'm from Australia and My new partner (from CA America) has recently got a housemate to help him with rent. They had been friends for about a year and he told me that there's definitely no romantic attachment, and later, he told me there's a long list of reasons why.
    He has made it known that he completely understands my feeling a little uncomfortable about it and asked me what he could do to reassure me. That in itself spoke volumes to me. I've heard of so many stories where the guy can flip his lid because, "how dare the girl get jealous etc".
    It's not like I'm an overly jealous person anyway, so I just needed that reassurance and it sounds like he'd be fine whenever I needed it again.
    But the thing that I'm trying to deal with is that she's with him all the time, and though we do voice chat and text a lot, it still seems weird to think about, you know.
    I just wanted to ask here if anyone else is dealing with this situation, and how do you think about it?
    Thanks all.
    Last edited by rache82; January 13, 2017, 05:22 AM.
    Met Online: 1998
    Relationship began: January 2017

    FIRST MEETING: June 2017
    SECOND MEETING: October 2017
    Tags: None
    #2
    My OH lives with another guy and 2 women - one older and one younger. It has never crossed my mind that he would be interested in either of them to be honest. I think that its great that he has asked what he can do to reassure you


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      #3
      My SO let his ex and their 2 sons move in when they were going to be homeless. She's not there any longer, but it lasted over 2 years. I trusted him completely and nothing happened between them.

      It's not uncommon for people to have roommates of the opposite sex. What if your SO was bi-sexual? Then you wouldn't be comfortable with any roommate. You have to trust your partner. All of us in LDR's understand the fact that there are other people who are going to spend more time with our SO's. It's part of the deal.
      To those who dream, nothing is ever far away.

      ​Distance is to love as wind is to fire. It blows out the little ones and fans the big ones.

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        #4
        I definitely believe that part of the deal we signed up for in LDR is that our SOs are going to spend the majority of their time with other people. Even closed distance relationships, SOs spend the majority of the time with other people.

        Trust is established over time. It's really up to you to manage your insecurities, not only in this relationship, but in any relationship.

        Comment

          #5
          I think it might bother me at first as well... that's kinda normal. But I'm sure she is completely aware of you. Having opposite sex roommates is becoming more and more common these days. Maybe when he is on a video call with you, and she's at home, he can virtually introduce the 2 of you. It would be the polite thing to do, really. I bet that would make you feel much more at ease.
          Sparkling72

          "Strength in Us!"


          "exclusive" since May 13, 2016
          ** Shortened the distance!! December 2016 **
          closing the distance in ~ Oct. 2018

          Comment

            #6
            It's not uncommon for people to have roommates of the opposite sex. What if your SO was bi
            Um, thanks for the lecture, but I simply asked who was in the same situation. I didn't say I didn't trust him but these types of forums are here to also remind us we're not the only ones, and that is all I was gaging. But I appreciate the first paragraph of your comment. Thanks.
            Met Online: 1998
            Relationship began: January 2017

            FIRST MEETING: June 2017
            SECOND MEETING: October 2017

            Comment

              #7
              It wasn't a lecture - it was giving perspective. Sometimes it's hard to gain perspective when we are in the middle of a situation and that's why we ask for information from outside sources.
              To those who dream, nothing is ever far away.

              ​Distance is to love as wind is to fire. It blows out the little ones and fans the big ones.

              Comment

                #8
                OK I'm sorry. You're definitely right though.
                Met Online: 1998
                Relationship began: January 2017

                FIRST MEETING: June 2017
                SECOND MEETING: October 2017

                Comment

                  #9
                  My boyfriend lives with this one girl that has been a friend of his and his family's for years and years,I know that they are nothing but friends and I trust him completley,he is a lot older then her so I'm cool with it.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    My SO has a male apartmentmate. I know there is no romantic interest between them. He has a girlfriend. Also, I have heard the way the talk to each other at times. So I don't have to worry about anything happening.

                    First Visit: September 2016
                    Second Visit: January 2017 (Her birthday)
                    Third Visit: June 2018 (medical conference near her home)

                    John 3:16
                    For God so loved the world. That he gave his only begotten son. For whosoever believeth in him. Shall not perish but have eternal life
                    John 4:12
                    I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      I understand your concern but like other people have said, when we get ourselves into a LDR we are aware of the things that will come with it and the trust we have placed in the other person is of utmost importance. My SO has run into some problems with his ex and for personal reasons, his ex is now sleeping in his house, along with his family, but because he knows she's using him and his good heart, he has given her until March to find her own place to stay and that he plans to tell his family about his relationship with me by then too so that she can't do anything to try and stay longer or trick other people when they have broken up 2 months ago. It sucks to hear that his ex is sleeping in his bed and walking around the house like she owns the place, but I trust my SO. Without me asking for anything, he decided to sleep on the sofa and a different floor as his ex and spends most of his day talking to me on a call. If you try hard and put the trust in your SO, you will see that your worries and thoughts will disappear and you will only look forward to close the distance between you (and this is coming from someone who gets jealous).

                      Looking for the future...


                      First Meeting: March 20 2016
                      Got separated: August 2016
                      Reunion: July 2017
                      Officially together: January 2018
                      ... And many meetings later ...

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Originally posted by Karura View Post
                        I understand your concern but like other people have said, when we get ourselves into a LDR we are aware of the things that will come with it and the trust we have placed in the other person is of utmost importance. My SO has run into some problems with his ex and for personal reasons, his ex is now sleeping in his house, along with his family, but because he knows she's using him and his good heart, he has given her until March to find her own place to stay and that he plans to tell his family about his relationship with me by then too so that she can't do anything to try and stay longer or trick other people when they have broken up 2 months ago. It sucks to hear that his ex is sleeping in his bed and walking around the house like she owns the place, but I trust my SO. Without me asking for anything, he decided to sleep on the sofa and a different floor as his ex and spends most of his day talking to me on a call. If you try hard and put the trust in your SO, you will see that your worries and thoughts will disappear and you will only look forward to close the distance between you (and this is coming from someone who gets jealous).
                        It's his house and she sleeps in his bed??

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Originally posted by sasad View Post
                          It's his house and she sleeps in his bed??
                          Yeah, although technocally the house belongs to my SO's family. He can't bring himself to make her sleep on the sofa or floor and it seems like his ex hasn't told other people that they've broken up but at least his family knows what's up.

                          Looking for the future...


                          First Meeting: March 20 2016
                          Got separated: August 2016
                          Reunion: July 2017
                          Officially together: January 2018
                          ... And many meetings later ...

                          Comment

                            #14
                            About three years ago my SO had a woman for a housemate to offset the mortgage. She insisted she wouldn't move in unless I was ok with it, which I was. Actually, on all of the occasions that I was at his house for the weekend, I only met her once. She was never home. I was never jealous. It was hard on him, getting used to having someone in his house (and sharing a bathroom), but I was fine.
                            Last edited by TaraMarie; January 30, 2017, 06:22 PM.
                            sigpic

                            I love him. Forever. And every day after that.

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                              #15
                              Thanks all for your responses.
                              So a combination of what he's said and what you all said, I'm pretty OK now; occasionally I still feel twinges of uneasiness, but mostly I feel in control with it all.
                              I felt better when he told her actually about us and she offered to go somewhere to give us time on our own when I get there in June.
                              I'm blind so we don't do camera, but I use to speak to her online years ago.
                              Met Online: 1998
                              Relationship began: January 2017

                              FIRST MEETING: June 2017
                              SECOND MEETING: October 2017

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