French and US College Students

[Pg3233]

We met studying abroad, and it is the first serious relationship for both of us. I never planned to have anything serious, while he wanted a relationship. We kept seeing each other, and with one month left together I realized I was crazy about him. Our last month especially, but many times before were so great. Being from different places made everything so interesting, yet we were so similar and perfectly matched intellectually and physically. It was sad to split at the end, and once we returned to our homes we spoke every day. I went to France for five insanely amazing days to visit him after Christmas, and then we said more sad goodbyes with an intention to see each other in may when he would live here for a month or so. I'm not sure if I will be able to take off of work for very long as I'm a college student, and the distance is killing me. I miss him so much and he's all I think about. I'm asking for advice on what to do. I feel like if we ended it I could focus on school better and not be so sad, it would be miserable at first. Also I don't think I'm going to be interested in anyone else, as it's hard to go down after you've had something perfect. And now I'm not sure if I will be able to host him for a long time this summer. He's totally confident he can wait, and I feel shitty knowing I'm the only one who is doubtful. What do I do?

[Chris516]

Do you have to be able to take off every minute? What about enjoying the moments you would walk in the door when returning from work, and seeing his face. Then running at him and jumping in his arms?

[R&R]

We met studying abroad, and it is the first serious relationship for both of us. I never planned to have anything serious, while he wanted a relationship. We kept seeing each other, and with one month left together I realized I was crazy about him. Our last month especially, but many times before were so great. Being from different places made everything so interesting, yet we were so similar and perfectly matched intellectually and physically. It was sad to split at the end, and once we returned to our homes we spoke every day. I went to France for five insanely amazing days to visit him after Christmas, and then we said more sad goodbyes with an intention to see each other in may when he would live here for a month or so. I'm not sure if I will be able to take off of work for very long as I'm a college student, and the distance is killing me. I miss him so much and he's all I think about. I'm asking for advice on what to do. I feel like if we ended it I could focus on school better and not be so sad, it would be miserable at first. Also I don't think I'm going to be interested in anyone else, as it's hard to go down after you've had something perfect. And now I'm not sure if I will be able to host him for a long time this summer. He's totally confident he can wait, and I feel shitty knowing I'm the only one who is doubtful. What do I do?

Not everyone is made to be in an LDR and that's ok. Some people can handle the distance (some even prefer it) and some need to be able to have their SO near them all the time. Some couples really struggle and others thrive. There are couples here who have closed the distance in less than a year and others who it took over five years. Myself, we're going on three years together, and married now, but still living 1,000 miles apart.

If you decide you want to continue to try, you are going to have to start to change your perspective and your focus. You are in control of your attitude and your emotions. I'm not saying you can't or won't miss your SO, but you can control how much of that runs your life and your emotions. You are in college. You have studying, friends, possible clubs and organizations to join. When you talk, you'll have lots of experiences to share with him. When you visit, you'll really appreciate your time together. Your relationship and SO should be only one part of your entire life. You may be part of a relationship, but you are also an individual person. Don't lose that individuality by only defining who you are and what makes you happy by your relationship.