NEED ADVICE

[Pg3233]

I met an incredible man studying abroad and we fell in love. We were together for four months, and now have to wait three more until we can see each other again. The distance hurts. I just feel emotionally unstable, and I have never been like that at all. I know it's because I care so much, but I feel like there has to be a solution.

I just want us to be together but I can't stand the loneliness, which is even worse with the time difference. I want to suggest an open relationship because I feel like we're too attached, but at the same time I dont want to ruin anything because I love him. I just can't figure out if it would be worse with him but not being able to be with him or to risk losing him. Thoughts??!

[Harlequin]

Many people consider an open relationship in order to soothe the loneliness of an LDR, so rest assured that your problem is very common. The problem with trying an open relationship to take care of loneliness, is that an open relationship is not a band-aid. An open relationship is much, much different than a monogamous one, and using it to solve a problem will only create more. That's a totally different dynamic you would be looking at, and if you're simply not the open relationship type, then you're going to end up getting hurt or hurting the person you care about. Most likely both.

What you need to do is throw yourself into your daily life. Find motivators to keep you going through the day--your s/o can even be one of your motivators. For instance, I won't see my fiancé for another 4.5 months, and that's going to be when we get married. I'm lonely, and I miss him like crazy. Some days the distance really gets to me, and I just wanna cry it out. I'm also doing online classes and freelance artwork, so I throw myself into those things. I remind myself that I'm doing these things not just to keep me occupied, but also to make my s/o proud. I want to make sure I'm doing my best for myself, for him, and for our future. It motivates me and helps me push through things even when I'm feeling sad.

Also, go out with friends whenever you can. Indulge in your hobbies and maybe find new ones. Take pictures throughout the day to send to your s/o, and have him do the same. Schedule skype dates, movie dates, game dates. See if you can schedule a skype date where you sit down and eat a meal together. If it comes down to you missing the intimacy, then buy yourself a toy and have fun. You can even do little skype shows with each other. It's not the same, but it helps.

Three months seems like a long time, but it's going to fly by--especially so if you keep yourself busy. There are countdown apps available that you can download onto your phone, so you can actually watch as your reunion grows closer and closer. Remember: distance is only temporary.