Hi guys sorry for the long post.
My last post have been a while. I am seriously struggling atm. The stress of the relationship on top of the stress I already have about job seeking are enormous. It affects my well-being as I have regular insomnia.
So just a short summary of me and my SO again. Im 28 y/o, living in Australia and he is 37 and living in Dubai for almost 4, 5 months now. We have been dating for over two years now.Thing really started to get downhill after his visit in December/2016.During the trip, we were looking at pics together and i found a pic of a pic of his ex gf just wearing very little clothes. I questioned him about it but he told me that he just found the old pic when he went back home in Ireland and took a pic of it. It was nothing that I should worry about. Since he got back to the UAE, his job as an English teacher for government school really stresses him out and made him become depressed ( the job is very shitty, ppl got treated like very bad and it is more of baby sitting than teaching for high school kids but lots of expats are in for the pay). I wanted to reach out for him and tried to talk about it, but he seemed to prefer to forget about it and tried to find distraction by going out with friends. For the last few months , he went to Dubai for most weekend as he lives in Ras Al Khaimah, a small place with nothing much to do. During the weekends away, I could rarely contacted him and I tried to talk to him about that, he got annoyed and sometimes snapped at me and being very short with me which was something he never did before but lately it started to happen more often. I know he met a lot of young people who like to drink and go out since he moved to the UAE. He himself has drinking problem so meeting these new people just gives him more opportunity to drink more often. We also talked about this issue before, we told me we will try and " take it easy" with the drinking. Yet, my understanding of taking it easy is very different to his, since his thinking of 'taking it easy' equal to not geting wasted. He goes out 1 or two days during the week days and drink. If not going out during weekdays, he has some drinks at home. And the weekend, he probably has at least good 6-8 hours of drinking per day. Apart of the drinking issue i have with him, I started to notice he is always online and chatting to someone on Whatsapp when i contacted him. He start to have a lot of friends who are girls and with his changed of communication pattern, I started to have doubt and make all kind of assumptions. I talked about this with him and he told me my doubts and assumptions are completely inaccurate and it shows I have little trust for him. For the last few months, we have been having fights everyweek, using strong language with each other, and we tried to broke up a few times.
He said he really wants to try and make the relationship work and I did too. So end of March, we met each other in Bali for a week. We talked about thing and how we expect of each other. Things went really well until the last two hours before we left in the airport. I used his phone to transfer some of the pics to my phone and i saw a pic folder. I went in a have a look: It was like about 20 pics : some of them with him and some working girls in it ( just normal pics at a bar or something), some naked pics of the girl working girls. I was in a huge shock that I dropped the phone, at the time i really thought that he have cheated on my with working girls. I know he could be very social and friendly with girls he met either at work or randomly when going out, he might have chatted to them but It never occured to me he would cheat on me. I confronted him about the pics, he seemed very concerned and told me it was nothing. He swore to me he didnt cheat on me. He was out with a friend, a very good friend from home who also works in dubai ( he has a wife and three kids and i know he has been cheated on his wife through my conversation with my boyfriend). Anyways, He told me those girls were trying to get customer and they were only trying to have a little fun and took some pics and exchanges some pic. But he swore that was it and most of the pics were sent to his phone by his friend. He was sorried that i have to see those pics as he thought he deleted them cos they were nothing. He told me, he knows it wasnt good and he will never do it again and asked me to delete those images in my head and trust him. I actually trusted what he says, but yet not easy to delete those images.
Its been a week since Bali trip and we just had fight again last night. I have a very important job application of my dream hospital and he offered to help with some annoying questionnaire when he got up the next day after a night out drinking. The next day I messaged him, I struggled writing some of them and when he got up he disregarded about my messages i sent earlier and told me that he made plan for brunch. I got really angry because he promised to get up early and helped me out with my application because he knows it is important to me. Yet, he just made plan to go out. Of course, brunch was followed by dinner and late drinking. I meants 10 hours of going out and drinking previous night, then home and sleep and then got up straight out for brunch and ended up being out the whole day drinkings.
We made a plan about future in 2 years, when i have gained some experience with nursing for me to move to Dubai and lives with him. We plan to stay there and works for 2 years to save some cash to go back to Australia to buy a house. Now he hates his job and wants to look for another one in the UAE, but most of uni jobs require masteer which he doesnt have. He told me he cant commit to any plan now cos things are up in the air. I told him to consider moving to Australia through partner visa. He doesnt seem very keen . So now I have all the doubts in my head with no direction of how the future will be like. I dont think I can deal with his drinking problem anymore, as well as the fact he completely disregards my feeling whenever he goes out. He told me that I am overreacted and to stop freaking out. He told me he loves me and wants to be with me but does nothing about it. All he has been doing at getting pissed of at jobs and put it on me and going out with whoever i dont even know anymore ( too many new ppl he meet) and drinking.
Please give me some advice.
My last post have been a while. I am seriously struggling atm. The stress of the relationship on top of the stress I already have about job seeking are enormous. It affects my well-being as I have regular insomnia.
So just a short summary of me and my SO again. Im 28 y/o, living in Australia and he is 37 and living in Dubai for almost 4, 5 months now. We have been dating for over two years now.Thing really started to get downhill after his visit in December/2016.During the trip, we were looking at pics together and i found a pic of a pic of his ex gf just wearing very little clothes. I questioned him about it but he told me that he just found the old pic when he went back home in Ireland and took a pic of it. It was nothing that I should worry about. Since he got back to the UAE, his job as an English teacher for government school really stresses him out and made him become depressed ( the job is very shitty, ppl got treated like very bad and it is more of baby sitting than teaching for high school kids but lots of expats are in for the pay). I wanted to reach out for him and tried to talk about it, but he seemed to prefer to forget about it and tried to find distraction by going out with friends. For the last few months , he went to Dubai for most weekend as he lives in Ras Al Khaimah, a small place with nothing much to do. During the weekends away, I could rarely contacted him and I tried to talk to him about that, he got annoyed and sometimes snapped at me and being very short with me which was something he never did before but lately it started to happen more often. I know he met a lot of young people who like to drink and go out since he moved to the UAE. He himself has drinking problem so meeting these new people just gives him more opportunity to drink more often. We also talked about this issue before, we told me we will try and " take it easy" with the drinking. Yet, my understanding of taking it easy is very different to his, since his thinking of 'taking it easy' equal to not geting wasted. He goes out 1 or two days during the week days and drink. If not going out during weekdays, he has some drinks at home. And the weekend, he probably has at least good 6-8 hours of drinking per day. Apart of the drinking issue i have with him, I started to notice he is always online and chatting to someone on Whatsapp when i contacted him. He start to have a lot of friends who are girls and with his changed of communication pattern, I started to have doubt and make all kind of assumptions. I talked about this with him and he told me my doubts and assumptions are completely inaccurate and it shows I have little trust for him. For the last few months, we have been having fights everyweek, using strong language with each other, and we tried to broke up a few times.
He said he really wants to try and make the relationship work and I did too. So end of March, we met each other in Bali for a week. We talked about thing and how we expect of each other. Things went really well until the last two hours before we left in the airport. I used his phone to transfer some of the pics to my phone and i saw a pic folder. I went in a have a look: It was like about 20 pics : some of them with him and some working girls in it ( just normal pics at a bar or something), some naked pics of the girl working girls. I was in a huge shock that I dropped the phone, at the time i really thought that he have cheated on my with working girls. I know he could be very social and friendly with girls he met either at work or randomly when going out, he might have chatted to them but It never occured to me he would cheat on me. I confronted him about the pics, he seemed very concerned and told me it was nothing. He swore to me he didnt cheat on me. He was out with a friend, a very good friend from home who also works in dubai ( he has a wife and three kids and i know he has been cheated on his wife through my conversation with my boyfriend). Anyways, He told me those girls were trying to get customer and they were only trying to have a little fun and took some pics and exchanges some pic. But he swore that was it and most of the pics were sent to his phone by his friend. He was sorried that i have to see those pics as he thought he deleted them cos they were nothing. He told me, he knows it wasnt good and he will never do it again and asked me to delete those images in my head and trust him. I actually trusted what he says, but yet not easy to delete those images.
Its been a week since Bali trip and we just had fight again last night. I have a very important job application of my dream hospital and he offered to help with some annoying questionnaire when he got up the next day after a night out drinking. The next day I messaged him, I struggled writing some of them and when he got up he disregarded about my messages i sent earlier and told me that he made plan for brunch. I got really angry because he promised to get up early and helped me out with my application because he knows it is important to me. Yet, he just made plan to go out. Of course, brunch was followed by dinner and late drinking. I meants 10 hours of going out and drinking previous night, then home and sleep and then got up straight out for brunch and ended up being out the whole day drinkings.
We made a plan about future in 2 years, when i have gained some experience with nursing for me to move to Dubai and lives with him. We plan to stay there and works for 2 years to save some cash to go back to Australia to buy a house. Now he hates his job and wants to look for another one in the UAE, but most of uni jobs require masteer which he doesnt have. He told me he cant commit to any plan now cos things are up in the air. I told him to consider moving to Australia through partner visa. He doesnt seem very keen . So now I have all the doubts in my head with no direction of how the future will be like. I dont think I can deal with his drinking problem anymore, as well as the fact he completely disregards my feeling whenever he goes out. He told me that I am overreacted and to stop freaking out. He told me he loves me and wants to be with me but does nothing about it. All he has been doing at getting pissed of at jobs and put it on me and going out with whoever i dont even know anymore ( too many new ppl he meet) and drinking.
Please give me some advice.
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