Advice on taking the next step?

[Zoso]

I'm new to this LDR thing and so is my girlfriend. We started getting serious back in January. Everything is amazing. We chat online constantly and talk on the phone for hours when we aren't working. We have only video chatted once. I want to do that more but she is very shy about it. Any advice on helping her be more open to video chatting?

My other concern is we are planning on meeting at the beginning of July... two months from now. She is supposed to by flying here, but she is still trying to find her passport and hasn't bought the tickets yet. She is in between jobs right now and saving money, so I understand the plane ticket part. I don't understand the passport though. We have been planning this trip for several months now so she has had months to find or replace her passport. Anyone else experience something similar?

[cathy505]

Not really..!!

[erwin1973]

Me neither.

[kittyo9]

I'm new to this LDR thing and so is my girlfriend. We started getting serious back in January. Everything is amazing. We chat online constantly and talk on the phone for hours when we aren't working. We have only video chatted once. I want to do that more but she is very shy about it. Any advice on helping her be more open to video chatting?

My other concern is we are planning on meeting at the beginning of July... two months from now. She is supposed to by flying here, but she is still trying to find her passport and hasn't bought the tickets yet. She is in between jobs right now and saving money, so I understand the plane ticket part. I don't understand the passport though. We have been planning this trip for several months now so she has had months to find or replace her passport. Anyone else experience something similar?

Re: video chatting, make sure she feels comfortable. Say you'd like to see her, but don't pressure her into it. You can also offer to just have your video up while she just stays on mic, then ask if she'd be okay with putting her video up as well (and be respectful if she says no). It's tough to get into when you're self-conscious. She's done it once, though, so that's a good sign.

Re: passport... I planned a group trip to Sweden with some friends last year and literally 10 days before the trip I was going through a checklist with them and one of my friends was like "uhh... hmm... I don't know where my passport is..." which, unfortunately, is very typical of him. Fortunately, he found it a few days later, but that is something you need to talk to her about, because if she doesn't have her passport and she is serious about this trip, she needs to take steps to get a replacement immediately. Tell her you are worried about it and that you would really appreciate if she could have a serious look to find it (you'll wait while she does), and if she can't, to make a firm decision to have it replaced. She may just be way more lax about planning things than you are.

[Moon]

Interesting, my guy is also in Finland and uses his passport for quite a lot of things over there, like ID for purchases over a certain amount. He uses it like we do our drivers licenses here, and says that's normal there, so if that's the case, losing it and not replacing it would be pretty strange, I guess. That's not to say he hasn't misplaced it on a few occasions though.

[differentcountries]

if money is an issue for her, I would suggest you visiting her first.

If she does not apply for a new passport NOW, she may not be able to go. Everyone is renewing passports in June in Norway, I guess it is the same in Finland.

[Zoso]

Re: video chatting, make sure she feels comfortable. Say you'd like to see her, but don't pressure her into it. You can also offer to just have your video up while she just stays on mic, then ask if she'd be okay with putting her video up as well (and be respectful if she says no). It's tough to get into when you're self-conscious. She's done it once, though, so that's a good sign.

Re: passport... I planned a group trip to Sweden with some friends last year and literally 10 days before the trip I was going through a checklist with them and one of my friends was like "uhh... hmm... I don't know where my passport is..." which, unfortunately, is very typical of him. Fortunately, he found it a few days later, but that is something you need to talk to her about, because if she doesn't have her passport and she is serious about this trip, she needs to take steps to get a replacement immediately. Tell her you are worried about it and that you would really appreciate if she could have a serious look to find it (you'll wait while she does), and if she can't, to make a firm decision to have it replaced. She may just be way more lax about planning things than you are.

Yes, she is very lax on planning things. She is stressing now because while looking for a new job she only submitted one application. That job fell through... She is like that with everything. Very spur of the moment type person, while I am an avid planner. We did talk about these issues last night and she's afraid she won't have the money to fly here. I'm applying for my passport this week and suggested if we can't meet in July then we could push it out to September and I can go see her.

She has been alone for a while and her ex husband ignored her completely. I don't know if this is a Finnish thing, but she is so used to struggling with problems by herself. While we talked the other night she finally broke down and told me how every part of her life is a struggle right now. It was good though. She was finally able to open up about everything that's bothering her, and I was able to be there for her. I feel like this situation has made us closer, even if we have to push back our first time meeting.

[Zoso]

Interesting, my guy is also in Finland and uses his passport for quite a lot of things over there, like ID for purchases over a certain amount. He uses it like we do our drivers licenses here, and says that's normal there, so if that's the case, losing it and not replacing it would be pretty strange, I guess. That's not to say he hasn't misplaced it on a few occasions though.

She uses her drivers license as her ID. She hasn't traveled out of the country for several years and packed her passport somewhere. She says if she can't find it in the next few days she will order a new one.

[Chris516]

I'm new to this LDR thing and so is my girlfriend. We started getting serious back in January. Everything is amazing. We chat online constantly and talk on the phone for hours when we aren't working. We have only video chatted once. I want to do that more but she is very shy about it. Any advice on helping her be more open to video chatting?

My other concern is we are planning on meeting at the beginning of July... two months from now. She is supposed to by flying here, but she is still trying to find her passport and hasn't bought the tickets yet. She is in between jobs right now and saving money, so I understand the plane ticket part. I don't understand the passport though. We have been planning this trip for several months now so she has had months to find or replace her passport. Anyone else experience something similar?

I have experienced something like that. Not those exact details. But someone stalling for one reason or another.