She gave up on everything

[Ferchiche]

Hello
My girlfriend and I started talking since the 14th of February, in the beginning we were just talking in normal subject like college, what you like what you don't and so on..
then our relationship developed and kept growing on and on until we met this last June and spent together 10 beautiful days, we confessed our love to each other and everything kept getting better and better even when she returned home, we agreed that we're gonna see each other again ASAP until I move with her for good, but after a a while I felt like she's changing and becoming more and more cold about me and about this relationship so when I asked her about this she said that "I didn't think that it's gonna be so hard like this, you are there and I am here and I don't know if we're gonna keep this.."
we talked through this and tried to wait until October when we agreed to meet again, but we kept fighting and fighting over some really stupid and silly things until she said "I don't think that we are fitting together."
I'm sure that this is not what she means and deep down in her heart she wants me but I'm really tired of being the only one who's trying to save this!
I really love her and I honestly don't want to loose her but I don't want to be clingy..
I don't know!! this is the first time I use internet to talk about some personal stuff like this, hope I can hear from you!
thanks for this opportunity.

[erwin1973]

I'm sorry for you.

Sadly, not everyone is capable of doing an LDR, and may be she is one of them.

It needs two to tango, so to say, and you both need to fight for it. If she really gave up, there is nothing you can do. If she didn't, then try to find out how you can keep her. If she's worth it, you'll be happy you tried. But be honest to yourself.

Good luck.

[Ferchiche]

I tried to find out what can I do to save this relationship but no chance..
Tried being optimistic, invited her to come to me as it's easier to come than I go to her but she said that's she already got plans and busy.
I would really love to go to her but unfortunately i can't afford the flight and everything that's why I was planning to go on October after I finish working but now everything is blur and hard to digest!

[erwin1973]

I'm sorry to hear it didn't work out.

[growinglove]

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I think the most important things in a ldr are communication, trust and agreeing on your current situation. Without trusting and knowing that you both want it to work, it is impossible to do it on your own. If she says she is busy and has plans, my suggestion would be to not spend the time, money and efforts going to her. You have to both want this in order for it to thrive. This is just how I see things, my relationship is not perfect, but you have to make sure both people are holding out for the same end result🙏🏼

[Ferchiche]

So should I give up too? Sometimes I feel like if she doesn't want to fight for this, someone should, right ? and honestly I wouldn't mind to fight alone for I'm sure that I'm entirely in love with her and don't want to loose her however as I mentioned before I don't wanna be clingy you know!
we haven't spoken in 4 days now and she got an exam tomorrow, I don't even know if I should send her something like "good luck" or something like this..

[rogerF]

Sorry to hear that bro...

[growinglove]

My boyfriends mom told me yesterday to never give up on something you really want, and i replied back to her, as long as he wants it too, I wont give up. It's so hard! Everyone has an opinion, but when you are in the situation the answer seems impossible. It is sweet to tell her good luck, but I just don't know why she hasn't spoken to you in four days. I can't tell u to give up. You love her. I think you should do what you feel. If she isn't responding, you will realize it isn't right for you. I always think of the golden rule, treating others as one would wish to be treated.

[erwin1973]

So should I give up too? Sometimes I feel like if she doesn't want to fight for this, someone should, right ? and honestly I wouldn't mind to fight alone for I'm sure that I'm entirely in love with her and don't want to loose her however as I mentioned before I don't wanna be clingy you know!
we haven't spoken in 4 days now and she got an exam tomorrow, I don't even know if I should send her something like "good luck" or something like this..

Unfortunately, a relationship only works when both people want it. If one gives up, there's no relationship any more. You can fight how much and how hard you want, but if she doesn't want, unfortunately it's all wasted energy. No matter how hard you fight. You can't make her come back if she doesn't want. I'm sorry for you.

[Honour]

Unfortunately, a relationship only works when both people want it. If one gives up, there's no relationship any more. You can fight how much and how hard you want, but if she doesn't want, unfortunately it's all wasted energy. No matter how hard you fight. You can't make her come back if she doesn't want.

I agree fully with this, especially having experienced it in my first and last really serious relationship. There's no point fighting when one partner has given up: wasted energy, time and emotions.

[Ferchiche]

Thank you all for interacting, it means a lot.
The thing is I still don't know if we broke up or not, 'cause we did not literally said that compound-word..
However from her last words I can feel like she couldn't say something like "we're done" or "we're finished."
Sometimes I recall those days and how she said "I love you" and from her eyes I could tell you that she was honest as the day is long.
I really don't know if I'm in denial or really should give it some times maybe things will work out eventually..
I'm 100% sure that if we meet everything will get back to normal, maybe better than normal, 100% sure, but what's killing me is that I cannot.
the last conversation we had I told her that "I don't think that I'm coming in October" as it was the month when we agreed to meet again and she said "I understand if you don't want to" that was bitter af..!
thanks again guys..

[differentcountries]

Hi,

as I understand it, you got together online in February, then had a week and a half together in June, and since things have been hard (and possably you are broken off). Have you heard about the long distance blues? Many experience it after a visit, and especially the first visit. I remember that after our visit visit, it felt really horrible. As if someone had died, I felt really terrible and our communication was not the best afterwords either. But because of this forum, I was expecting that and it put everything into perspective. I am sorry you will have to wait all until October to see each other again, it would be prefferable to see each other sooner, but if you cant do it you cant do it.

The problem is that if she is insecure, and you react to that by being insecure (and October may be off), nothing gets resolved. If you care about her, you have to be able to say, I know things are hard between us but if you want to I would like to visit you and stand by it, if you feel like seeing each other could be nice.

I cant tell you what will happen with your relationship, but I can tell you that at least one of you have to make up their mind to either close off our continue the relationship.

[Ferchiche]

Hi,

as I understand it, you got together online in February, then had a week and a half together in June, and since things have been hard (and possably you are broken off). Have you heard about the long distance blues? Many experience it after a visit, and especially the first visit. I remember that after our visit visit, it felt really horrible. As if someone had died, I felt really terrible and our communication was not the best afterwords either. But because of this forum, I was expecting that and it put everything into perspective. I am sorry you will have to wait all until October to see each other again, it would be prefferable to see each other sooner, but if you cant do it you cant do it.

The problem is that if she is insecure, and you react to that by being insecure (and October may be off), nothing gets resolved. If you care about her, you have to be able to say, I know things are hard between us but if you want to I would like to visit you and stand by it, if you feel like seeing each other could be nice.

I cant tell you what will happen with your relationship, but I can tell you that at least one of you have to make up their mind to either close off our continue the relationship.

Your words make sense mate!! as a matter of fact when I told her that I don't think that I'm coming in October I was waiting for her to tell me something like "no you should come" or something like this, but regardless of how her reaction was I shouldn't have said something like that..
Yesterday I sent her "good luck" as she's going to sit for an exam and today she replied "Thank you" and she added "I dreamt of you"
3 days ago she sent something and at the end she said "I can understand if you don't want to reply, because I'm an idiot"
what's your opinion about this guys!!

[erwin1973]

Hang on to her. Replay with sweet words, telling her sorry about your repsons earlier and try to be as understanding as you can by text. Support her (you did great with the exam!) and let her know you're still there for her!
I'm happy for you now.

[Ferchiche]

Hang on to her. Replay with sweet words, telling her sorry about your repsons earlier and try to be as understanding as you can by text. Support her (you did great with the exam!) and let her know you're still there for her!
I'm happy for you now.

So we're back talking and I'm taking it slowly to be honest 'cause sometimes in the past I feel like I rushed things..
anyways, she asked how I am doing and so on.. then she added "I miss you... but I think this is not enough" I tried to keep up talking normal then I took "differentcountries" 's advice and told her "If you want to, I would like to visit you in October" she replied "We will see how it will be..."I didn't know what she really meant with this. I didn't want to ask her, I just kept talking in regular things
what do you think guys ??