Wow, there are some depressing thread titles here!

[mococatx]

Lol!

Like I'm never insecure, or worried if this whole LDR thing is really going to work out, or what if the time we have spent together really isn't enough to know if we are compatible...

Not me.

I have to say, I trust his faith in our relationship and his feelings about me more than I trust my own. Is this normal? Other days I am more certain about our love than anything else. He really is a great guy...just...we have moments where we just don't seem to see eye to eye. We talk about it and work it out. Maybe not to the Nth degree, but enough to be happy with each other again. And once resolved, issues seem to stay resolved. Sometimes I catch myself thinking "this will be so much easier when we are actually together for the long term." Do those of you who have closed the gap find that to be true?

Just my random thoughts and questions...

[Honour]

First of all, really, how is it so funny that people want and need advice for issues they're facing in their relationships? And what did you expect, everyone to be happy and dandy and in perfect relationships where no one argues and has no problems? Nope. Not everyone has it so easy. Not everyone's relationship is perfect. And not everyone is likely to have supportive people in their RL who can relate on the subject of LDRs, and can give the sort of advice they're looking for. With that in mind, I hardly find it a hilarious joke, but maybe I'm missing something here. I mean, we're only on a forum dedicated to LDRs with an advice column, after all.

Second, it's good to have some faith in your partner, and striking a balance can be tricky, buuuut having said that, it can be much more healthy than either extreme. I do feel like a lot of the issues faced in an LDR (lack of physical contact, lack of physical presence, and other assorted, common problems faced in LDRs) COULD be allieviated by being CD, however there's always the risk you and your partner won't be compatible in RL for whatever reason, even if you've visited each other in the past. Living in the real world day in and day out with your partner versus living with a predominantly online-based relationship with your partner are very, very different. So I would always say be at least a little cautious, just in case things don't work out how you'd hoped for.

[Diva1197]

Boom I agree

[Diva1197]

I agree to what Honour said....whoever u are u rock💖💖💖

[differentcountries]

Some days, we are dark, some days neutral, some days we are happy blossoming in the glorious love that we share. Because international relationships often have a harder time closing the distance (due to visa requirements), this section tend to be a bit gloomier. Because it can be really hard. And the reality is, sometimes loves is not enough.

We have been in an international long distance almost 4 years. During that time, the government in my country raised the bar for what you need to earn so your spouse can migrate. Not to mention the challenge of an international wedding party where people dont speak the same language (my SOs mum and I communicate in Turkish, which is the mother tounge of neigher of us - I am at advanced beginner's level of Turkish and her mother tounge is Arabic so she speaks Turkish with a heavy Arabic accent). Are you one of those people who tend to laugh when they get a bit nervous? Because for sure there are a lot of practical issues in an international relationship, even when the emotions themselves are just fine. How many visits a year can we afford while still planning to close the distance? Will the kids learn several languages? What religion should we adhere to? Where shall we live, and how often can we travel to the other country and possably build something of our own there?

I know that the reality of us closing the distance, if we can and choose to do it, would probably be him being homesick and relucantly taking language classes while I have to work twice as hard to support us, and while we are in this situation visa rules may prevent us from visiting his country to get that "us" feeling again (we are usually in his country but plan for him to move here). It will also not be possible for him to come to live here more than 1 month at a time due to his current job, before we marry/close the distance. Even if we could practically and financially manage to live together for the full 3 month tourist visa, that is not the same as having an every day together with work/studies/chores/social life and perhaps a kid on top. I would be a fool not to prepare and even think the worst in this scenario. We have talked about this many times because we are well aware that we could end up broke and divorced. It is also hard to talk about kids when the future is so unsure.

I was also super happy the first 2 years before it dawned upon me how difficult this route is going to get. I am not saying this to be pessemistic, but the realism of it is, it will probably be difficult. That does not mean impossible. But even after closing the distance, it will take some work to explore the cultural differences and the fact that one of us left their home to build a new life. And maybe we will end up still being a bit of international nomads, going back and forth if we can. I know that between our countries some long term couples prefer to not close the distance, even with kids or after marriage.

As for internationally closing the distance, for those who did it, many of these debates are under the "closed the distance" section.

[snow]

Being confident in your relationship is great and I wish it on everyone, but sometimes there are red flags in your relationship that you need to talk about.

Unfortunately, not everyone you meet and want to be with is compatible with you and a lot of younger people would like to hear from someone who is unbiased if what they see and feel is valid. Nothing wrong with that!

Honestly, I am happy hearing that you forgave your SO that he stood you up on your first meeting, but not everyone would do that and if that happened to me, it would take quite some convincing for me to be able to trust my husband again. So, people are not all the same

[mococatx]

Ok, so I think some of you obviously missed my tongue in cheek comment that I am never insecure or worried. BECAUSE I AM.
Less than I used to be, but there are days...

I realize that international LDRs are difficult. Because I'm in one. And the post titles here dont inspire a lot of hope for the most part. But love isn't for sissies. And especially not LDR love.

My original comment was not meant as a joke. I don't think it's "hilarious". It was an observation. Sorry that my post didn't come across as such.

@snow: it did take some convincing. And it was over a year before I felt confident enough to let myself really trust him.

[Harlequin]

I didn't see the original comment, so if I'm missing context, my bad.

Chin up, there are plenty of happy stories here! You don't see a lot of the positive stuff, because most people come here looking for advice. I know I did when I joined years (and 3 LDRs) ago. Summer time is also when we get a lot of kids going away to college, so there's a lot of "idk what to do" and things like that. A lot of people will talk about the good things in threads like "What's on your mind" or "confessions".

As for how you're feeling, that's pretty normal. Sometimes you just have those really low days, and I find that, at least for me, they stem from missing my s/o. I'm already feeling bad, so my mind is just like "Now is the PERFECT time to make you feel EVEN WORSE!"
It's great that you guys can talk things out when you're not on the same page. That's a VERY useful skill to have in an LDR when all you really have is communication. Building these skills now will definitely help when you close the distance, but learning to live together after closing the distance will present a new set of challenges. It might get easier in some respects, but then harder in others.