Needing help after a 2 week holiday

[growinglove]

I'm needing some help. This is the truthful story. I met my SO on august 11th 2016 in the US where I live while he was playing with a band from Scotland. I started talking to him at a pub after the concert and he told me his age. He is 23 and I am 39. I have never dated anyone younger (maybe 2 years younger). We kept in touch on Facebook and he drove 7 hours to come spend the day with me 2 days later. I made the decision to drive that 7 hours to see him that next weekend at a festival before he returned to Scotland. We liked each other and talked about similiar trauma we experienced in our pasts that he has just come about before coming to the states. Our connection was strong.
We decided to continue to talk and not sleep with other people. We met again a couple of months later when his band returned to the states. We met in New York. The first night he confessed that the two nights before we met up again he slept with two different girls. It shocked me and I still had an entire week planned alone with him in Florida. He was very sorry and honest about everything. we hadn't known each other long and I made the decision to carry on the vacation. Just to enjoy life and decide for myself. He did check out other women and even got upset when I told one we were going back to the hotel (after we agreed we were) saying, "don't speak for me". Well, that was a big argument and i wasn't going to stay with him, but I did.
Allllll of that aside, we had a brilliant time in Florida. We got to know each other and had an amazing adventure. He questioned if we were at the right places in our lives, but decided we were worth the try. I met his parents on FaceTime and we planned a trip for me to go to Scotland.
We messaged and/or FaceTimed everyday. I met him 3 mo later in Paris, London and then off to Scotland for the last week of our two week vacation. We stayed in the city at his flat only a couple of nights and spent most of the last week with his parents. I also met his closest grandmother. We all talked and had an amazing time. Everyone, including him, think that I am the one. I am not one to push and I have trouble with trusting. My insecurities can get the best of me, but I wasn't gonna give up. This was amazing. HE is finally here. The one that I feel is worth the distance and age difference. We just connect.
Another 4 mo go by, and I JUST returned back from Scotland after spending two weeks. This time between was difficult. When he travels I don't hear from him much, and he doesn't party a lot, but when he does, he's up all night. In the beginning he basically told me he's always looking for the next best thing. Girls his age don't usually tend to be interested in him. There was also a girl that he feels like hung the moon with how beautiful she is but never would give him the time of day as far as dating. I would forget about that girl but the notice when sitting beside him that she was in his recent searches and also he had taken screenshots of her Facebook photos. It was like she comes up each time I get to see him which isn't often. He's flirty like his dad, which is difficult when you don't get to know all the people that he is around. We only got in one big fight, but he did call me some bad names in that fight. He was very apologetic and said that he does that with his mom sometimes and basically fix the situation. We usually can try to talk things out but that's become more difficult in the past four months or so.
Now onto the problem. I came home and back to the whirlwind of madness of my life of running a business and trying to figure out a different living situation, he went to the northern at Islands of Scotland with his folk band for five days. When I left Scotland 6 days ago, we decided we would do this for one more year and then he would move to the states. He is coming here in November to visit and meet my whole family and spend a couple of weeks. The problem is that he's not really communicating with me that much. Another girl that he had screenshot photos of was a girl that pierced his ear when he was in the northern islands a couple of months ago. He said she was a friend of a friend but he also took screenshots of photos of her. I feel lost and lonely that he's not really communicating with me. I feel like when we do communicate I'm complaining about the fact that he's being distant and we arent talking. I hate that it's like this when he is doing something, but when he's bored he's all about me. He is very into himself and thinks of himself most of the time. I'm not even sure anymore if he thinks about me being six hours behind him. He is sweet and wonderful most of the time, but he's not trying to reassure me or make me feel good. It's soooo hard being back after 24 hours and day for two weeks together and I'm the only one caring. I guess I'm trying to figure out if this is OK for me, or if it seems like I am in deep and he's uncertain. He's also an only child (if that matters). His mom says never give up on something that you truly want. They want us together forever and I truly want that. I feel like I may be someone that sabotage things and then I run. I feel like doing that now.I'm confused on going with this are running. It already hurts feeling so alone, but how do I know for sure he really wants this if it's seeming like he doesn't care at the moment?

[differentcountries]

I will try to summorize a bit: You met in your country, but has also visited his. In the beginning he slept with other women, but now you are monogamous. There is an age difference but that seem not not affect things. His family loves you and he does too. He is a flirt and that is hard on you, especially since it is hard to communicate over the 6 hours difference.

"I feel like when we do communicate I'm complaining about the fact that he's being distant and we aren't talking."
This is a vicious circle. It is hard to be encouraged to talk, when when you do the other person is not happy that you do. It is also hard to be happy talking, when you feel a lot of longing and feel neglected. Both parties need to contribute to make the connection you have pleasant.

"I hate that it's like this when he is doing something, but when he's bored he's all about me."
Or is he geuniely busy in his job, and at other times he has more time for you?

"He is very into himself and thinks of himself most of the time. I'm not even sure anymore if he thinks about me being six hours behind him. He is sweet and wonderful most of the time, but he's not trying to reassure me or make me feel good."
You are contradicting yourself. Have you tried to tell him what you need to feel reassured?

"It's soooo hard being back after 24 hours and day for two weeks together and I'm the only one caring."
Post-visit blues is very hard. Some act by being more clingy, some act by retreating a bit. Both a different ways of dealing with the pain of being apart. Try to communicate to him how you feel and be understanding of how he might be feeling. This was very difficult for my SO and I in the past when he would retreat and I would be sad and cling to him. We made a deal (when we were Skyping more) that I would cry less on camera, but that he also needed to listen to me when I told him about my feelings. Many boys are raised to not talk about feelings, which is fine, but can also be a bit too much at times. It is important to be able to talk about feelings somewhat, and to talk about ones differences.

"I feel like I may be someone that sabotage things and then I run. I feel like doing that now."
We are all prone to self-sabotage at times. Try to understand where your pain is coming from, and what you can do about it,and what you can ask him to do. Parts of the pain also does not go away, but can be there for a while simply because distance hurts.

"I how do I know for sure he really wants this if it's seeming like he doesn't care at the moment?"
You really need to talk to him about this - but there is also an element of trust. Can you trust him even if he is not able to give you all you want in the moment?

"When I left Scotland 6 days ago, we decided we would do this for one more year and then he would move to the states. He is coming here in November to visit and meet my whole family and spend a couple of weeks. "
It is great that he is coming to visit you and your family as well. As for him moving to the US, I guess you would either have to get married or he has to get employed there. If all goes well in November, visa options are something you can look into.