Saving a relationship

[alexandrag]

Hi guys,

I need some help - don't know, but I think maybe some of you have gone though the same thing I am about to tell you...

I have been together with my boyfriend for 2 months (he lives in London, I live in Romania) and everything was perfect, especially when together in the same place. He recently visited Romania and told me that he doesn't want a long distance relationship, because he wants something serious. I understand that, it's the same thing I want, but I wouldn't give up what we have, because it's too special.

We didn't break up, we decided to give it time to figure it out and in the meantime I feel like my hands are tied and I don't want to lose us. It's especially hard since we don't see each other and only talk over the phone or on messenger...

I don't really know what to do to be ok and to make him feel ok and like it's a serious relationship like he wants.

Anyone here who has gone through the same thing? Any advice?

Thank you very much!

[erwin1973]

First of all, thinking that a long distance relationship is not serious, is something that some people just have in their heads. Some people are of the opinion that you can never have a serious relationship with somebody far away. If that is the case with him, then you do have a problem, sadly. On the other hand, he might actually try to say the distance is very hard on him - and in that case he is right, because it is. So, I don't know if you two are still talking to each other 'as good friends' or if you don't have any contact at the moment (I assume, reading your text, you decided to not stop the contact), you might try to find out if it is the long distance itself that bothers him, if he might have found another, closer to him (no matter how sad that is for you) or if he really is under the opinion that a long distance relationship doesn't work.
Good luck.

[alexandrag]

Hi and thanks!

The thing is he does take us as serious, it's not that, just that it's hard. Someone else - there is no case. He is scared I could find someone else here, though I would never do that.

Yes, we are still together, trying to make it work.

He has had many long distance relationships and that's why he'd like for once to be close to the SO...

So I don't know

[erwin1973]

I don't deny it's hard. It is. But, it is also great. It's great to see how love travels across borders, across time zones... And I understand he knows the essence of a long distance relationship.

May I aks who decided to take a brake?
And if he really has had more LDR's, then I don't understand his remark, as I my quote you, that 'he wants something serious'. Did you ask him for an explanation beyond that?

If you really want to know about each others thoughts, you have to talk to him about that.

[alexandrag]

No one decided to take a break, we are still together and we're trying to make it work.

He wants something serious, as in to be with someone in the same city. A committed relationship. He says he would like to explain his reasons, but he tried to explain to himself and didn't know. He says there's nothing missing between us and that I'm great and he cares deeply about me and loves me...so everything should be fine. I think I'm just panicking because I'm far away and this is my first long distance

Thank you and have a great day!

I don't deny it's hard. It is. But, it is also great. It's great to see how love travels across borders, across time zones... And I understand he knows the essence of a long distance relationship.

May I aks who decided to take a brake?
And if he really has had more LDR's, then I don't understand his remark, as I my quote you, that 'he wants something serious'. Did you ask him for an explanation beyond that?

If you really want to know about each others thoughts, you have to talk to him about that.

[erwin1973]

We didn't break up, we decided to give it time to figure it out and in the meantime I feel like my hands are tied and I don't want to lose us. It's especially hard since we don't see each other and only talk over the phone or on messenger...

No one decided to take a break, we are still together and we're trying to make it work.

I'm confused.

I don't deny it's hard, it is. The best thing is to go on with your own life, and make time for him. Don't built your life around him, just fit him in. Do what you always did: hang out with friends, go to school / work, hobbies, etc.

[alexandrag]

I'm confused.

I don't deny it's hard, it is. The best thing is to go on with your own life, and make time for him. Don't built your life around him, just fit him in. Do what you always did: hang out with friends, go to school / work, hobbies, etc.

Thank you, you are right

Have a great day!

[erwin1973]

My pleasure. Have a great day, too.

[BellaDonna]

Perhaps what he misses is being in close physical proximity to his SO. Being able to see the person every day, hold hands, kiss, cuddle up on the couch, etc. I think that is probably one of the hardest things about being in a LDR, not being in the person's physical presence which also includes not being able to be intimate with the person.

When my SO and I video chat, the quality of the video is so real that I feel as if I could reach out and touch him; but in reality he is almost 5,000 miles away. We've been seeing each other for 2 months now and it could be a year before we meet in person for the first time! Most days I'm ok with that and we've found very creative ways to maintain our closeness and are building a solid foundation for our relationship but there are moments that I ache to be near him. To feel his breath on the nape of my neck, to be wrapped in his embrace, to know the feeling of his lips pressed against mine.

Perhaps because he's been down this road before he is all too familiar with how hard a LDR can be and since he's not with any of these other women, his other LDR's obviously didn't work out for whatever reason so he may be reluctant to put himself through getting hurt again. The best advice I can offer is for the two of you to really talk about this. Get down to the root of his fears and then see if there is a solution. Is there a possibility of either of you relocating in the near future?

Best of luck, hun. I do know how hard this can be but I also know that the rewards are equally as great if not more so. :-)

[Honour]

Being apart from loved ones is too much for some people to take. You can completely love someone from the bottom of your heart, but to be separated by miles (tens, hundreds or thousands) can make even the strongest person stall and be unable to cope. I think Bella and erwin gave great advice, so I'll just say I wish you luck and that I hope you both can work this out.