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    #1

    Have a little bit doubt 😔

    Hi guys
    Need another advice or input.
    My SO is going to meet his frind in another city, he is going there only to meet her cos she is transit there, and only for half days, eventho the travel time will take more then half day itself.
    He told me about this long time back when he planned to go and he also show me the girl picture.
    He explained to she is special but only as a friend. She's also younger then him thats why he feel he need to protect her or accompany her while she is there (in another country) .
    I dont have doubt about that till today that he post it on fb that he is feeling excited to meet special friend after long time, he even tag her.
    Should I trust him or worried about that?
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    #2
    My SO lives almost 5,000 miles away, we both have high sex drives, and we won't be able to meet for the first time for almost a year; so I have two choices. Sit around and be suspicious and paranoid which will eventually lead me to accuse him of something he hasn't done which will eventually kill our relationship. Or I can choose to trust him, have faith in our love for each other, and hope for the best.

    There are NO guarantees in life and you cannot control the actions of another person. If they want to cheat, they'll find a way, and you can't stop that from happening by worrying yourself to death or being suspicious or tracking their every move. In fact, that usually has the opposite effect. I believe the old saying is "if you're gonna do the time, you may as well do the crime".

    It sounds like he's been up front about his friendship with her, and isn't trying to hide it from you. Two people of the opposite sex can have a strictly platonic relationship with each other.

    My best friend is a guy and I've known him for 34 years. We are very close, practically like twins, and yes, our friendship has caused more than it's share of problems in romantic relationships. Not because of anything that we are doing but because of other people's insecurities. We are always respectful of each other's romantic relationships and even refrain from being to affectionate in front of them so as not to make anyone feel uncomfortable. And yet people still get jealous.

    A word to the wise...He and I are still friends, the SO's that couldn't deal or demanded that we "make a choice" never last long. I don't know how long he's known this girl but my friend is like a brother to me and has always been there for me; he's my only family. So he comes with the package and it's non-negotiable.

    Some folks can't handle that because they want to be the only person in mine/his life. No one person can meet the all of the needs of another. It's important for people to have friendships outside of their romantic relationships. Be supportive of that or risk running him off. Who knows...in time you and this girl may become close friends!

    Be supportive until he gives you a real reason not to be!
    He is the sun that warms my heart, the stream that replenishes my soul, the breeze that lifts my spirit, and the earth to which I am bound.

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      #3
      Okay thanks, he met her last year.
      And when I teased him about the fb post he said he did it specifically for me cos he knows how I will react.
      Yeah he is been very open about this girl

      Comment

        #4
        He's been honest with you about her, it sounds like she's just a friend. Have trust.

        Comment

          #5
          Doubts are in your own head and have nothing to do with him. Try to work on yourself. Work on your own insecurities. When you feel better, you'll be able to trust him more because you love yourself more.
          Distance means nothing when someone means everything.

          Comment

            #6
            Well, if I were you, I wouldn't let him meet that girl. Yes, I know other members here advice you about trust. But for me this is not about trust, this is more about what is appropriate and what is not.

            Is it appropriate for a man (a woman as well) who is in relationship with a woman and spend quality time with another woman (even though it's just a friend)? Just two of them? In a very distant place?

            I would firmly say NO, it's not.

            If he wants to go to meet her, he should go with you. That's fine. That's more appropriate. Why on earth should he always care about this younger girl? He should explain to that girl that they better off don't meet in such condition since he's already in relationship with you and it's not appropriate. If he cannot be honest, just give some excuses like being busy, having another more important things to do, etc.

            I'm not preaching here. I also apply this rule with my SO and we have the same understanding about what is appropriate and what is not, and it works well. This is not about being paranoid, insecure, or whatsoever. This is about PREVENTING.

            Remember, most of love affairs came from being close to a man or woman that started as a friend at the first place. When that feeling of comfort or love grows, nothing can stop it. So better to prevent, imo
            Last edited by toni345; August 5, 2017, 08:11 PM.

            Comment

              #7
              I have to respectfully disagree with the above poster. We are no longer in a day and age where guys and girls can't be friends and just friends. Growing up, my closest friends were almost always guys. Less drama than the girls. Just because my friend was a guy didn't mean something was going to happen. I am not attracted to every guy I come across any more than you are.

              Now, if you and your SO set rules such as the above poster, that is one thing. But if you haven't, then you do have to trust your partner. Personally, if my SO had told me I can't be friends with guys or do things alone with any of my guy friends, he wouldn't be an SO any longer. To me, that is a total lack of trust on his part as well as pretty bad judgement of me and my charachter.

              And I know I've said this before in other posts but it still stands - what if one party is bi-sexual? Are they not allowed to hang out with anyone at all? Insecurities need to be put aside and trust has to come into play. Without it, you have nothing.
              To those who dream, nothing is ever far away.

              ​Distance is to love as wind is to fire. It blows out the little ones and fans the big ones.

              Comment

                #8
                Originally posted by toni345 View Post
                Well, if I were you, I wouldn't let him meet that girl. Yes, I know other members here advice you about trust. But for me this is not about trust, this is more about what is appropriate and what is not.

                Is it appropriate for a man (a woman as well) who is in relationship with a woman and spend quality time with another woman (even though it's just a friend)? Just two of them? In a very distant place?

                I would firmly say NO, it's not.

                If he wants to go to meet her, he should go with you. That's fine. That's more appropriate. Why on earth should he always care about this younger girl? He should explain to that girl that they better off don't meet in such condition since he's already in relationship with you and it's not appropriate. If he cannot be honest, just give some excuses like being busy, having another more important things to do, etc.

                I'm not preaching here. I also apply this rule with my SO and we have the same understanding about what is appropriate and what is not, and it works well. This is not about being paranoid, insecure, or whatsoever. This is about PREVENTING.

                Remember, most of love affairs came from being close to a man or woman that started as a friend at the first place. When that feeling of comfort or love grows, nothing can stop it. So better to prevent, imo
                You shouldn't have to prevent things from happening, affairs and cheating happen because people are unhappy in relationships, not just because they see someone beautiful or they're close to a friend. I think it's totally acceptable to meet a friend who is really special and you care a lot about them, and from OP's post it looks like this friend isn't someone her SO gets to see a lot so it is definitely totally acceptable for him to go see her. Let me put it this way, you must have friends who you care about and love a lot, right? and is it not totally normal for you to meet up with those friends and spend some time with them, especially if they're a friend you don't see a lot. Just because he's a guy and she's a girl does not mean they're going to get together, and just because he cares about her a lot doesn't mean he's secretly into her and wants to cheat. Caring about someone doesn't mean you want to be in a sexual/romantic relationship with them.
                my girls <3

                Josie (SO)
                Met online ~ 17th August 2017 ~
                Met in person ~ 30th August 2017 ~
                Became official ~ 15th September 2017 ~
                Closed the distance and moved in together! ~ 18th June 2018 ~

                Ash
                Met online ~ 21st November 2018 ~
                Met in person ~ 26th November 2018 ~
                Became official ~ 4th December 2018 ~
                All moved in together! ~ 30th May 2019 ~

                Comment

                  #9
                  Originally posted by toni345 View Post
                  Well, if I were you, I wouldn't let him meet that girl. Yes, I know other members here advice you about trust. But for me this is not about trust, this is more about what is appropriate and what is not.

                  Is it appropriate for a man (a woman as well) who is in relationship with a woman and spend quality time with another woman (even though it's just a friend)? Just two of them? In a very distant place?

                  I would firmly say NO, it's not.

                  If he wants to go to meet her, he should go with you. That's fine. That's more appropriate. Why on earth should he always care about this younger girl? He should explain to that girl that they better off don't meet in such condition since he's already in relationship with you and it's not appropriate. If he cannot be honest, just give some excuses like being busy, having another more important things to do, etc.

                  I'm not preaching here. I also apply this rule with my SO and we have the same understanding about what is appropriate and what is not, and it works well. This is not about being paranoid, insecure, or whatsoever. This is about PREVENTING.

                  Remember, most of love affairs came from being close to a man or woman that started as a friend at the first place. When that feeling of comfort or love grows, nothing can stop it. So better to prevent, imo
                  What an archaic viewpoint and a controlling one too. You wouldn't LET your SO do something? LET? Are you her parent?

                  Relationship began: 05/22/2012
                  First Met: 03/21/2013 - 03/30/2013
                  Second Visit: 06/06/2013 - 08/21/2013 ~ Proposal: 07/06/2013 ♥
                  Third Visit: 10/09/2013 - 01/08/2013
                  Closed the distance: 11/20/2014 ♥
                  Married: 1/24/2015
                  Became Resident: 9/14/2015

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Originally posted by toni345 View Post
                    Well, if I were you, I wouldn't let him meet that girl. Yes, I know other members here advice you about trust. But for me this is not about trust, this is more about what is appropriate and what is not.

                    Is it appropriate for a man (a woman as well) who is in relationship with a woman and spend quality time with another woman (even though it's just a friend)? Just two of them? In a very distant place?

                    I would firmly say NO, it's not.

                    If he wants to go to meet her, he should go with you. That's fine. That's more appropriate. Why on earth should he always care about this younger girl? He should explain to that girl that they better off don't meet in such condition since he's already in relationship with you and it's not appropriate. If he cannot be honest, just give some excuses like being busy, having another more important things to do, etc.

                    I'm not preaching here. I also apply this rule with my SO and we have the same understanding about what is appropriate and what is not, and it works well. This is not about being paranoid, insecure, or whatsoever. This is about PREVENTING.

                    Remember, most of love affairs came from being close to a man or woman that started as a friend at the first place. When that feeling of comfort or love grows, nothing can stop it. So better to prevent, imo
                    Hey, I'm bisexual. Does that mean I shouldn't hang out with ANYONE who isn't my husband?


                    OP, I wouldn't worry about him meeting up with this girl. He's told you all about her before, and the fact he's willing to be so open with you is a good thing. I met my husband on OkCupid, and his profile picture was of him with another woman making silly faces at a concert. I didn't know who she was, and I found out that was/is a very close friend of his. He told me all about her, and I had no reason to think anything funny was going on, so I trusted him. She came to my bridal shower, and would've come to the wedding if she didn't have more immediate obligations to attend to. I think she's great, and I look forward to seeing her. I also trust my husband, and that's all that matters.

                    Trust and communication are two of the most important things in a relationship. If you two have open communication and you trust him, then there's no need to worry.

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                      #11
                      yes he is very open about her.
                      and how i won't let him met her,he is very social person,has a lot of girls friend (and for him girl is more easy to be friend and need protection) and he also love travelling,he is very active in a forum or gathering from his college thats where he met her in one of the forum.he is also very helpful,its not the first time last month one of her girl friend come visited him cos she is going back to her country and again that time he sacrificed his work to gave her time.and i think thats how he is.
                      the important things is he is always open n informed me about it.but because of this fb post its kinda disturb my mind,and like u guys advices above i think i have to trust him about this.
                      and thats what he asked for me only to try to trust him,cos he also know about all my insecurities and how i have difficulty to trust someone.

                      Comment

                        #12
                        When is he meeting her? Try not to overthink it. He's dating you, he chose you. Remember that.

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Yesterday, he supposed to. Meet her only for half of the day but just now he informed me that he is just dropped her at the airport.
                          So I dont know anymore I dont want to overthink also.
                          And he will be back tonight n will tell me details.
                          So now just wait n see

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                            #14
                            Sure it'll be ok

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Yeah I think so, cos he also shared their picture

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