long distance relationship - where's our happy ending?

[missymlk]

Hi All,
I am new to this, new to Forums/blogs, new to LFAD, but unfortunately not new to a long distance relationship.
I am Australian and my partner is English, and we met in 2010 in Bali whilst we were both on holiday.
We have been together 7 years, taking turns to travel back and forth from Australia & England (sometimes we meet in Bali as well), 4 of those years have been spent actively trying to get a visa.
We would have started sooner if we had hindsight - I wish we hadn't been so naive, but who new it was going to be so hard!?

I won't go into the long and boring details of the different visa's we've tried and the issues with dodgy immigration lawyers etc, I guess I just need to know that there is hope still out there.

I am completely and utterly in love with this man, and I have no doubt how he feels about me, he still looks at me with adoration in his eyes and we trust each other completely - he is the sweetest, strongest, most genuine guy, I have ever been so lucky to have..But after 7 years of being apart, sometimes I feel like I am going insane
We are apart for months & months at a time, usually the average is 6 months, the maximum so far has been 8 months. I lived with him in England for 15 months back in 2012/2013, but since then we only get to see each other a couple of time a year, usually for about three/four weeks at a time.

Having done this for so long, I can feel the cracks starting to show, it is a constant weight on my shoulders and a source of unrelenting stress, worry, heartache and sadness, sometimes it threatens to swallow me up. I feel like we are close to getting our happy ending - he has applied for a visa 489 to live/work in Tasmania, which was submitted at the start of February. Hopefully we are now just waiting for an 'approval'. But we have done a lot of waiting and had a lot of problems and road bumps trying to get these visa's - I am just hoping with all my soul that this will be our final break..all we want is to be able to live together and create a life together (just to wake up and go to sleep next to each other every night, would be a dream come true).

I'm putting it out there to please say a little prayer for us, we are so so close (yet so far).
And I want to know/hear about your happy stories, to try and give me hope - who has a happy ending after waiting so long for their love?

Thanks for reading guys, even if no one replies, at least its made me feel better writing it down <3

[differentcountries]

I am not sure if I can share a happy story, I just wanted to show you you are not alone.

We have done long distance almost 4 years now and are looking at least another 2 before we can close the distance with him moving to my country. We already tried the work visa route, and he is not a good student so student visa is not an option. He has only visited me once and even that tourist visa was hard to get. We need to get married and I need to get a full time job. He has got a full time job now (he used to work only season), so he could support me if I moved there but it makes no financial sense. I have a lot of student loan etc so if we consider to live in his country I need to be debt free. It is also hard to get a job there knowing only basic level Turkish. He knows only a little Norwegian, we usually speak English together. The longest we have been apart was 6 months. The longest we have stayed together is 1 month, we did that three times. We even rented a flat together two seasons and kept cats there. My dream is to live with him and still be able to visit his country during holiday time, we want to buy or build a cabin/house there. Some days the dream seems far away, some days it seems close. I have only good experience with immigration, but they are strict. I also dont know how fast he can learn my language. Some days I want to just marry and move to him, but we need to be realistic. I know I need to get that job for us...

I do think love concours all. I am sending patience your way. Best of luck ♥

[autumn1790]

It's sad how hard it is to get permanent visas...I bet every international couple on here can feel your heartache. My story is currently happy in that he's in my country on a student visa, but he's still five hours away so we can only meet up for long weekends. And, after he graduates, who knows what his status will become--nothing is certain. Life is never certain...try to take comfort in your love for each other which has lasted an incredible seven years long distance (wow!). You can definitely find people on here who understand, so feel free to vent and ask for advice any time. Also, there's a while subforum on closing the distance with lovely stories you can read to strengthen your hope. I wish you all the best!

[Emily873]

I cannot imagine what you must be going through after 7 years or for the other lady ^ and i wish you all the best.
I just want to ask you, where are you both planning to live when you come together? in the UK or in Australia, because i know what you mean about the weird immigration solicitors, my friend was also in a LDR, but she now finally lives with her partner in the UK, she was from my country, Canada and they applied for a spouse visa after getting married through a company called James Freeman i think the UK version is immigration advice services, they worked and responded really quickly, I believe she had skype interviews with them to analyse their situation and get support.
I really hope you guys get to be with your loved ones very soon -

[Zwitsa]

I just want you to know that I really admire you guys! I am only one and a half month in a half world distance relationship and it has affected my mental health as well.

I know that we love each other and no one can doubt that you guys do to. You are really an inspiration for my relationship, I live in the states he lives on Greece. We are not matching your story, but I do believe in your happy ending!
Thanks for sharing the experience and I wish you the best with the visas. I know they are hard to get and even close to impossible for some countries but you'll make it!!!

[ILoveYou22]

Sorry there's something here in your story I don't understand.

If you lived in England with him for 15 months, and you are so in love and things are great, so why didn't you guys got married at the time and problem solved? You would be both living in England by now.

I'm saying this because I live in England myself.

So I don't get this story really.

[Rezie]

It’s so interesting to read about problems getting a visa from UK to Australia. I’m so sure you have gone through every option but I’ve worked in the UK and we had a lot of Australians working and many of my boyfriend’s British friends have worked in Australia for years. I guess they have tightened the rules a lot and naturally depends on your education etc. not trying to make you feel bad but it’s odd how things seem so much easier than they actually are.

I do admire and am a bit jealous to the couples that are so certain they want to be together that they are willing to do anything. Me and my partner closed the distance (for now) and neither of us is super excited about relocating for long term. We are in the EU so we don’t need visas and the relocation should be easy. It’s other reasons like employment and social reasons that are stopping us.
We have been together over 5 years and I can understand the cracks. The more time passes the more time you have to grow apart and it’s hard to build your own life. The more time goes by the more difficult closing the distance becomes.

I hope you all the best luck and hope the visa goes through!

[differentcountries]

Sorry there's something here in your story I don't understand.

If you lived in England with him for 15 months, and you are so in love and things are great, so why didn't you guys got married at the time and problem solved? You would be both living in England by now.

I'm saying this because I live in England myself.

So I don't get this story really.

Assuming they were both free to marry, if the UK is anything like my country, you cant marry on any visa you choose and then just stay because you want to. There are rules to follow, about visas and income.

You have to either apply for a fiance visa - while staying apart - which can take 6 months or more to get. Then MAYBE, if you are lucky, you can get a temporary stay visa while you stay and apply for your more permanent family reuion visa - or you dont, and have to apply for a family reunion visa from your own country, which takes another 6 months or more.

Or, you can choose marry on your ongoing tourist visa, but then you have to get out as quick as you can to live in your own country or together in a 3rd country for a couple of years, because they can deport you and deny you entry to the kingdom for 2 years or more based on you breaking the tourist visa regulations. Our friends did this recently; 2 couples married "illegally" on tourist visas and now they are "love refugees" in an EU country for at least 2 years until they can apply for family reuinon visa on the basis of being married and having shared an address in that other country.

Another and related issue can be income. To get a successful family reunion visa, you usually have to showcase that you have a steady flow of income from a job you have had for some time. Prefferrably you have a full time commitment with a fixed rate every month, for 1-2 years or more. That can be hard to come by if you are uneducated, are still studying or/and have limited work experience due to age, sickness or travels. Also, when you do start on your dream job, you may have to forgo visits for a long time in order to build up your holiday rights and showcase your loyalty with the job.

So there can be a lot of sacrifice going into getting married, aquiring the right visas and earning enough to support yourself and your spouse during those first years as a married couple living together.

[erwin1973]

True. In many countries marriage doesn't give you the right for a permanent stay nor will it change your visa. You have to go back to where you came from and then start the application for a permanent stay. At least in The Netherlands.

[ILoveYou22]

Assuming they were both free to marry, if the UK is anything like my country, you cant marry on any visa you choose and then just stay because you want to. There are rules to follow, about visas and income.

You have to either apply for a fiance visa - while staying apart - which can take 6 months or more to get. Then MAYBE, if you are lucky, you can get a temporary stay visa while you stay and apply for your more permanent family reuion visa - or you dont, and have to apply for a family reunion visa from your own country, which takes another 6 months or more.

Or, you can choose marry on your ongoing tourist visa, but then you have to get out as quick as you can to live in your own country or together in a 3rd country for a couple of years, because they can deport you and deny you entry to the kingdom for 2 years or more based on you breaking the tourist visa regulations. Our friends did this recently; 2 couples married "illegally" on tourist visas and now they are "love refugees" in an EU country for at least 2 years until they can apply for family reuinon visa on the basis of being married and having shared an address in that other country.

Another and related issue can be income. To get a successful family reunion visa, you usually have to showcase that you have a steady flow of income from a job you have had for some time. Prefferrably you have a full time commitment with a fixed rate every month, for 1-2 years or more. That can be hard to come by if you are uneducated, are still studying or/and have limited work experience due to age, sickness or travels. Also, when you do start on your dream job, you may have to forgo visits for a long time in order to build up your holiday rights and showcase your loyalty with the job.

So there can be a lot of sacrifice going into getting married, aquiring the right visas and earning enough to support yourself and your spouse during those first years as a married couple living together.

I get that, but the OP said " I lived with him in England for 15 months back in 2012/2013". That was 4 years ago!

So if they had got married at that time, now today in 2017 they would probably be living together already or it would make things easier to get a Visa for her to move. Because (and I assume) you cannot live 15 months in a country on a tourist Visa, so she probably was able to get married at the time.

[differentcountries]

I get that, but the OP said " I lived with him in England for 15 months back in 2012/2013". That was 4 years ago!

So if they had got married at that time, now today in 2017 they would probably be living together already or it would make things easier to get a Visa for her to move. Because (and I assume) you cannot live 15 months in a country on a tourist Visa, so she probably was able to get married at the time.

Usually, the problem is not getting married (which you can do on almost any visa), but staying together after you get married. Because even if the law will allow you to marry on the "wrong" visa, the immigration might kick you out, or deny you entry to live together if you dont work full time, or you will have a hard time seeing each other even for visits if you DO work full time. Sadly there are some people ending up getting divorced because for various reasons they dont furfill the criteria to get a family reunion visa even after several years, and they just cant take it any more. That's one of the reason why people postphone the marriage, because it comes with expectations that you will be a family, not having to wait for years to close the distance.