Is he ghosting me?

[tucmilka]

A little background information: We've been dating for almost 6 months now. We met a month before I moved back to the UK. He is 24 and I'm 20, he graduates this Spring and I graduate in 2 years, so we both are still quite young. I've met his mother and sister (even though we are international) and I felt, for the first time ever in a relationship, that I wanted a future with this person. He is the first guy that I've ever felt what I think romantic 'love' is, which is obviously such a great feeling. I have never had a problem 'meeting' men (and have found myself having to reject quite a few guys now that me and my S/O are long distance), but I want to be able to wait for him and work things out so we can be together. Maybe I've finally become something I've dreaded for so long...a hopeless romantic

Here is the situation: I'm going to visit him in about a month. The last time we talked on the phone was a little more than week ago, which I'm fine with. Neither of us really 'enjoys' talking on the phone, we both talk to our parents once a week as well. He did allude to a future with 'us' when we were talking (he expressed wanting to meet my parents, etc.) We usually text frequently during the week, just small messages here and there when we are free. He has been pretty distant since Saturday, like no messages at all. I texted him after three days and he sent a small almost dismissive reply back. He is shown as being 'online' a lot and active on social media, but he hasn't tried to contact me. I'm not worried about him cheating right now, but I am worried that things have changed for him now that he has started back to school and is surrounded by young, cute 20-somethings again. He is not a 'hot commodity' (which is something that I love about him, that he is so genuine and 'real'), girls don't really chase him. I am worried about him wanting to go after another girl though and that his lack of communication is possibly because he has realized that he doesn't want to continue things with me.

Another thing is, he could be mad at me that my only real 'friend' is a guy right now. I haven't been back in the UK for long now, but one of my only real friends currently is a guy. We don't hang out together in private or alone and I have no desire for anyone else besides my boyfriend...so yeah. I've made sure to tell my boyfriend whenever I'm going to hang out with him and what we are doing, just to make sure he (and I) doesn't feel like I'm 'sneaking around'

My question: Is this really 'ghosting'? I don't want to have an emotional (and possibly heated conversation) on the phone with him, I really want to wait to address relationship questions with him until I see him in a month. Should I wait for my boyfriend to tell me what is going on or should I just ask him? Is this all in my head? Thoughts?

[Lune]

Hey =)

Depending on the lifestyles you have and also personalities, behavior can be caused by many things that happen in someone's everyday life and affect their mood and life. Some people like to talk about things right away without being asked, others rather close up, even in a relationship and only come out with it when you ask. And then there is also the communication in general, some like to talk everyday, but then there are couples that get along with less as well, what doesn't have to mean there is less love or anything. Even if jumping from talking often to almost not at all for some days without a known reason is some sign.

The best thing is talking about it, when something comes up, so you know what it stands for, because the brain easily gets into worst case scenarios, that don't have to be. What did you write, when you messaged him? Did you ask him if everything's alright or something going on or explain how you feel and ask for his point of view maybe? And what made his message dismissive?
It's sometimes already tricky enough to get what's going on when there was nothing mentioned before that could be and when the person is "right around the corner", so you can go and check, talk in person about it and figure out something by the way someone acts around you, if someone is stressed and so on. But with a distance you have to get along with the ways that are given and I think it's the best thing to talk about things that bother you as soon as possible, so they can be solved and misunderstandings get cleared. If you wait a month, something can get solved just like this as well, for example when the communication comes back again and it's like it was before, but probably you still wanna know what caused the break and that could nag at you if you don't bring it up and cause trouble. But only you know how you deal with things like that.
And another way that could happen if you wait with this a month is that it gets worse when it stays like this but you accept it because you don't wanna have a discussion.

Talking in person is always better than on the phone and you can wait for other relationship questions til you meet then, but they are not all related to the current situation anyway, because now it's more a communication thing, or? And did anything like this ever happen before?

[hmrambling]

First off, have the two of you had a conversation about how you two are boyfriend and girlfriend? Have you talked about exclusivity?

If not, then there is no problem at all as to whether he is talking to other girls or not. I'm not so sure why you're concerned about the other young 20 somethings at school since you have judged him as being not a hot commodity.

Lastly, communication is very important and I encourage you to talk to him. If ya'll haven't talked about exclusivity, then there is no real concern as to whether his is or is not talking to other women.

While I am not a huge fan of initiating phone calls, I communicate to people that if they want to date that we will need to talk on the phone. Verbal communication is very important, and text-only communication can definitely be perceived as low energy/low effort in a dating scenario.

Is he ghosting you? Maybe. Maybe not. I am not a mind reader so I don't know what he's doing. Perhaps some clear communication will help.

[Kat0623]

Hey,
So as we are the same age I understand your issue.
First off, talk to him! Communication is the key in every relationship. My boyfriend is very closed with his feelings and emotions. So the second I realize that something's wrong I have to straight up ask him and he will tell me then, step by step.
Maybe he has a little phase were he is stressed or whatever, but you have to talk to him, there's no other way out of it.
I had the same situation a few months ago, where my SO and I haven't talked much on the phone since we met and everything fell apart. He didn't text me anymore, I didn't know what to reply to his dry answers. So we "broke up"....but we couldn't do it so 8 hours later we were back together lol.
Since then we started talking on the phone and now everything is going soooo well, the relationship is so much better then before. We can't be 30 mins without texting or calling each other.
So my advice is: talk to him and everything will be good.
He would tell you if he wants to break up or something else. Maybe he is just busy with his own life right now, remind him that you're still there and you need and want his attention.
AND ask him if it would be possible to hear each other on the phone everyday, everyone has 30 mins a day for the partner.