Hi everyone, I'm new here.

[Shampoo0418]

Hi everyone,

I'm new here and am looking for support. I can't talk to most of my friends because I can't show them my negative side in person, which is why I am seking help here.

A little about myself:

I am dating my English boyfriend for a year now. I am currently based in Los Angeles and he just moved to Shenzhen a week ago. In the past year we have seen each other 3 times. And the last time was the hardest. I have been back to LA for 3 weeks now and I get more and more clingy, and more and more afraid I will lose him. I don't feel I'm the prettiest girl and despite all the craziness I gave him, I don't know why he still hasn't left me yet. So you get the gist, I'm not a very confident person.

Today, I woke up and feel quite depressed and I miss him so I messaged him, hoping to get some support. I didn't get what I want to hear but so I said, can you tell me something comforting. And he said "I miss you". It felt like he was forced to say it. And I was hurt so I told him, all I want is to get some support. But he said, I get emotional way too often. I am not good with distance. I am the type of girl who likes to be with him all the time. But he matters so much, I'm willing to change. To occupy my time, I tried going to fitness classes, writing a blog, going to social events, seeing my friends. I am actually having fun. But it's always when I'm back in my room that I feel depressed again. I just want to see him the first thing I wake up and go to bed with him at night.

What frustrates me as well is that he is not a verbal person. I know he cares, I know he loves me. But it is so hard to feel that when there's a distance. When we're together it's easy because his actions state everything. For me, it's just hard if I'm not being told how much he loves me.

I don't know if I'm making a point here. I guess I hope to meet people who feel the same way, if not some advice on how to make myself feel better.

Thanks!

[Reyhoney]

I understand you, my guy is just like yours, he isn’t verbally expressive and that is tough to deal with. He told me he’s much better in person and more of an actions guy, it’s difficult though cause we still haven’t met so I can’t really visualize it or feel it, but you have, so use what you know about him and your memory to get over this.

Another thing is to control how much anxiety you’re showing him, it’s okay to have moments of panic and doubt, but maybe it’d be better to not share them every single time, and rather just talk to a close friend about them. When I met my guy my dad was dying so it was impossible to overcome this, but he understood it was legitimate, but since then I’ve been trying to do better, although still not great.

Keep in mind that our anxiety and fears rub off on each other, you don’t want him feeling doubtful about your relationship. He wants to share life with you, but he’s not your therapist, don’t dump all your negative emotions on him cause then the relationship would be so draining for him with trying to constantly reassure you and comfort you.

Stay strong!

[Shampoo0418]

Thanks Reyhoney! That's exactly what I did. I thought he's my best friend and he would know how to solve my problems. I didn't realize when I'm telling him my problems I'm affecting him too. And I constantly need reassurance and comfort when he doesn't know how to do that from a distance. I will keep your advice in mind.

[Redheart14]

Keep in mind that our anxiety and fears rub off on each other, you don’t want him feeling doubtful about your relationship. He wants to share life with you, but he’s not your therapist, don’t dump all your negative emotions on him cause then the relationship would be so draining for him with trying to constantly reassure you and comfort you.

Stay strong!

I think this sums it up perfectly

[erwin1973]

May be I am lucky then... Because I share my problems with my lady - and she shares hers with me. Only we don't ask for a solution from each other. Just an ear to listen. I understand not everybody is the same.
Good luck. Stay strong.