Communication stop

[Lyra]

My boyfriend and I have been together for about three months. before that, we had been very good friends for more than two years. We usually live almost half the world apart from each other, so we used to see each other about once a year in person before we got together, but texted almost every day and talked on the phone a lot.

He has had feelings for me from the start, and last time we met each other in person I admitted to myself that I, too, had developed strong feelings for him. We had a talk about it, and ultimately decided to give it a go.

So after that our communication flourished and it all seemed to be going very well.
Now he has entered a very busy phase in his life though, as he is looking for a job, with several interviews a week which he needs to prepare, while also writing his MA thesis and working a side job. He basically told me he needs to put all his mind into finding a job right now, but did make no comment on when this phase would be over.

So I got very anxious after not hearing from him for five days and wrote him a pretty anxious text, to which he just replied that a lot of different things had happened, but everything is fine and I should just give him some room. He also said he would talk to me later, but three days have gone by and apparently we still haven't reached "later".

Now, I am living quite close to him for half a year ("quite close" meaning ~3 hours by plane), and we were planning on going on vacation together, but this is not going to happen due to him being busy, but before he stopped writing he promised he would visit me next month.

So I texted him again, just to check in with him if he really cannot go, because he said he could only confirm a week before the date we wanted to go. I told him that I would need to know rather soon, but he has not replied yet. Still, he has taken the time to create a social media post feturing a (female) friend of his. It just consisted of a picture of her, one with her and his best friend and one with her and him. That just made me kind of angry, because he cannot take the time to text me, but can take the time to post pictures of some random girl.

Now I do trust him, having been close to him for so long and I do believe that he genuinely cares about me, but past experiences have taught me that everything is not always as it seems, and my trust issues start nagging at me.

I am just emotionally exhausted, because I am so very scared of losing him. He has been a constant in my life for so long, and it feels like losing him would tear me apart. I would not only lose my lover, but also my best friend.

I just do not know how to properly handle this situation. Should I just give him the time he needs? Or does this sound like a sign that he has serious doubts on our relationship and does not feel like he needs me anymore? I wish I could help him and cheer him on, but I just have no idea what is going on in his life right now, except that he probably has a lot of interviews. I just do not understand why he has no time at all to text me. When he was busy before, he would usually apologize for "neglecting" me, but he would never go cold like this.

I obviously do not expect you guys to be able to tell me what is going on in his head, and you also do not know all the details, but maybe some of you have been in a similiar situation, and can give me some advice. i am slightly desperate, because this is affecting me a lot.

I am sorry for the long post, I hope my ramblings make sense. Also, if I forgot to mention anything important, please let me know and feel free to ask!

Thank you all in advance

[anindian]

Hey, I think you should text him once that you are pretty upset with the way he is not replying to your texts. Tell him that text that you are upset and you want to talk to to him. Apart from that, sit back and relax mate, he is yours and will come back to you. He must be very busy with his stuff and hence he is not talking much. Drop him a text and wait for it.

Good Luck!
Cheers!

[Lyra]

Thanks a lot for the reply!

Yes, I hope you are right I might get overly anxious, but it is just so atypical for him. I texted him and it might have been a bit panicky, but like I said, he just replied, that "a lot of things happened" which sounds a little omious, but that "things are fine". I just hoped by "things" he meant us haha. I just wish he'd just tell me how long it'll be like that. I wonder if he even realizes how difficult this is for me, even though he should have gotten from my slightly upset text that I am having a hard time understanding his behavior.

Oh well, I guess I will have to wait and just hope that he'll be here next month. I had just looked forward so very much to seeing him this month

[NewToLongDistance2016]

Thanks a lot for the reply!

Yes, I hope you are right I might get overly anxious, but it is just so atypical for him. I texted him and it might have been a bit panicky, but like I said, he just replied, that "a lot of things happened" which sounds a little omious, but that "things are fine". I just hoped by "things" he meant us haha. I just wish he'd just tell me how long it'll be like that. I wonder if he even realizes how difficult this is for me, even though he should have gotten from my slightly upset text that I am having a hard time understanding his behavior.

Oh well, I guess I will have to wait and just hope that he'll be here next month. I had just looked forward so very much to seeing him this month

I can understand how hard this is for you, but this situation doesn't sound good. If he has time to be on social media, he has time to text, just that he chooses not to. You are right to worry because a lot of times people in relationships will pretend everything is fine when they are actually unhappy. This happened to me and I sensed something was off, he kept reassuring me and I eventually found out he was unhappy w/the relationship for quite some time. If nothing changes, don't wait for him, its not fair that you have to deal w/less attention from him for who knows how long. Good luck and I hope everything works out for the better.

[Lyra]

Thanks a lot for your reply. I see where you're coming from, but even though this situation is quite painful, I am not ready to ditch someone who has been there for me for years. I will wait for now I guess, and hope that this rather annoying period of time will be over soon. I know that if it was over for him, he would tell me. I am also sure that before this started he was not unhappy with the way things were betwewen us, or he would have to be a pretty good liar/actor.

[hmrambling]

I am a hiring manager at a state agency and I do look for social media accounts of those people I interview and may potentially hire. So it might not be terrible that he created an account if he is job hunting. What do I look for? Positive posts, and I want to make sure that there are no posts of the applicant doing illegal activities, etc. It's sometimes good to have an online presence that is a reflection of one's life. Now I have no idea if that is his motive, but I will say that potential employers are looking at social media these days.

As for all else, have the two of you ever communicated your expectations about how often you would be in touch with each other? If not, I suggest that you do so. When my SO and I began dating and committed to one another by formally discussing exclusivity, we talked about how we each wanted a phone call each day... And we agreed on that. When either of us gets busy and it doesn't look like we can call, we text the other and let her know. Clear communication has saved us a lot of misunderstanding.

[Lyra]

Hey, great point. No, we never actually discussed a clear communication schedule. That might be a good idea though once(/if :S) things go back to normal again. We were already communicating on a daily basis before we got together, so we just kept it that way. But you are right, we should probably have a talk about communication expectations.

As to his social media presence, he's not usually someone who is very active on there, so I have absolutely no idea what that was about, but I am not even sure if that is a big deal. Maybe it was for the reasons you described, I have no idea...

Thanks a lot for your reply!

[NewToLongDistance2016]

Thanks a lot for your reply. I see where you're coming from, but even though this situation is quite painful, I am not ready to ditch someone who has been there for me for years. I will wait for now I guess, and hope that this rather annoying period of time will be over soon. I know that if it was over for him, he would tell me. I am also sure that before this started he was not unhappy with the way things were betwewen us, or he would have to be a pretty good liar/actor.

I'm not saying he hasn't been there in past for you, but you should focus on the now. Just because he did all that in the past doesn't mean he wants a future w/you now. I used to think the same way, granted I only knew these guys a short while, I always focused on what they had done, not what they were doing right now. Since they were the ones wanting a relationship in the 1st place, I reasoned there is no way they would lose interest. Good luck w/everything, just be cautious.