Advice?

[slmwilson1997]

I have only been with my other half for nearly a month now. I am looking to find some advice since I am not sure what to think at this point in time.
I was talking with my other half about the possibility of next year, maybe going over to visit him for a week. I live in England and he lives in America. Now we have been talking literally every day and we have both been talking for very long periods in these chats (between 2 and 4 hours at a time). We both would like a long term relationship and we both see that this could be possible with each other. However when I asked about the possibility of going to visit him, he said he didn't know and he explained that he was rather nervous. I don't really know exactly what to make of this.
I probably stated this too early and I understand that possibility, but could he be having second thoughts? He hasn't given me any impressions otherwise, but I would just like some advice on this as I am very new to the relationship scene and I really do not want to lose him as I think I actually do love him.
Thanks for your help.

[autumn1790]

Have you video chatted and seen that he is who he says he is?
It could be he's more comfortable opening up to someone who's just a blip on a screen. He may feel insecure about how you would like him in person, because let's be honest, everyone is so much cooler online. When my SO talked about meeting, I was scared and reticent too, because it was freaky that someone I had spilled so many guts to could be a real person standing next to me...not sure if it makes sense. Anyway, point is, some people aren't comfortable thinking about meeting, but if it lasts too long, you'll have to reevaluate how things are.

[kittyxuchiha11]

With my ex (I'm in the UK, she's in America) We had a bit of trouble with this as well. From the get go I was really excited to go see her and really wanted to make plans to when it could possibly happen. She on the other hand was really nervous and didn't want me to come over yet, mostly because she didn't feel completely settled in the relationship yet, and her living arrangements weren't perfect. Like you, I thought it was something wrong in the relationship and that I must be doing something wrong for her to not want to see me. We did end up meeting for the first time 9 months into our relationship, and a year and a bit after we'd first met and became friends. It took until 6 months into our relationship for her to even consider the idea of me coming to visit and although she was still terrified of the thought of me coming over it all worked out and we had a really good time.

Basically, different people will feel ready for things at different times. You may feel ready and want to get the ball rolling for when you're going to visit each other, but by the sounds of it your SO is still getting used to the relationship and needs some time to get comfortable in it before he can even think about it. If you're really anxious and uneasy about this, ask him if he definitely wants to meet up with you in the future, which I'm guessing the answer to that will be yes, and then that gives you some hope and excitement to get by on until you guys do actually meet.

Lot of people on here have been together for years and haven't been able to plan a visit to see each other yet. It'll happen when you're both ready and feel comfortable enough to let it happen.
Best of luck! :3

[slmwilson1997]

We have sent photos back and forth for the month and we have also voice chatted. At the present time we are both unable to video chat but we have planned for this to happen soon.

[slmwilson1997]

With my ex (I'm in the UK, she's in America) We had a bit of trouble with this as well. From the get go I was really excited to go see her and really wanted to make plans to when it could possibly happen. She on the other hand was really nervous and didn't want me to come over yet, mostly because she didn't feel completely settled in the relationship yet, and her living arrangements weren't perfect. Like you, I thought it was something wrong in the relationship and that I must be doing something wrong for her to not want to see me. We did end up meeting for the first time 9 months into our relationship, and a year and a bit after we'd first met and became friends. It took until 6 months into our relationship for her to even consider the idea of me coming to visit and although she was still terrified of the thought of me coming over it all worked out and we had a really good time.

Basically, different people will feel ready for things at different times. You may feel ready and want to get the ball rolling for when you're going to visit each other, but by the sounds of it your SO is still getting used to the relationship and needs some time to get comfortable in it before he can even think about it. If you're really anxious and uneasy about this, ask him if he definitely wants to meet up with you in the future, which I'm guessing the answer to that will be yes, and then that gives you some hope and excitement to get by on until you guys do actually meet.

Lot of people on here have been together for years and haven't been able to plan a visit to see each other yet. It'll happen when you're both ready and feel comfortable enough to let it happen.
Best of luck! :3

Thank you so much for your advice. This will really help. I really like him and I have to say I was rather concerned when he said he was on the fence about meeting and was nervous. But I feel a little more hopeful with your reply and hopefully I will be able to find out from him if he does want to meet in the future and whether it is just the case of giving him a little more time to get used to the idea of being in a relationship. Thanks

[slmwilson1997]

[QUOTE=Have you video chatted and seen that he is who he says he is?
It could be he's more comfortable opening up to someone who's just a blip on a screen. He may feel insecure about how you would like him in person, because let's be honest, everyone is so much cooler online. When my SO talked about meeting, I was scared and reticent too, because it was freaky that someone I had spilled so many guts to could be a real person standing next to me...not sure if it makes sense. Anyway, point is, some people aren't comfortable thinking about meeting, but if it lasts too long, you'll have to reevaluate how things are.
[/QUOTE]
We have sent photos back and forth for the month and we have also voice chatted. At the present time we are both unable to video chat but we have planned for this to happen soon. I am just nervous about why he was slightly more avoiding of the subject when we have both indicated that we wanted to meet before.