Long distance marriage struggles

[Dianalorena]

Hey guys,

I've been in a long distance marriage for exactly 11 months now.
We dated 3 months in person before having to become a long distance couple, and married after only 7 months of dating.
Out of a year a half, we've seen each other a total of 5 months. 2 of those months in the span of our marriage.

The reason is that I'm Mexican and he is a U.S citizen, we filed for a spouse VISA in February and we haven't heard a thing
in 10 months. After that we still have to go trhough NVC (3-4 months) and wait for an interview (at least 2-3 more months)
so we're looking at another half a year at least.

I feel so hopeless since I can't visit him. We can't really plan ahead either, the worst part is not knowing when it's going to end.
he's done above and beyond, spending all his vacation time and money visiting me this year and I'm grateful for it, but the
feeling of not having any control is wearing me out. Not seeing him for months and months, is so painful.

it's hard to think of it as a non conventional marriage, a situation that a lot of people don't really fully understand.
We didn't get to have a honeymoon or start our lives together as newlyweds, rent or buy a house together, get a puppy.
His family hasn't met me, since they couldn't attend the wedding in Mexico.
Any new relationships have challenges, but make it a marriage and then a long distance one, and things get crazy.

I'm tired, feeling emotional and hormonal today and just felt like venting.
thank you for reading guys.

[TaraMarie]

I am also married and long distance. We we're married in July of last year. Fortunately for us we are together every weekend, and found out on Tues that the job he applied for came through and we will be together forever starting in January. Even though we are together every weekend, I still feel that same as you do. I want to sleep with my husband eveey night, have dinner with him, just sit silently in the same room while I work and he answers emails. We DO have a puppy.together....two of them, actually. And I want him here to help me take care of them. Log distance sucks. And it's hard. But you CAN do it. I look back over the last almost six years, and I can't believe I've done this so long and survived it. I am stronger than I thought. Believe me, many times I wanted to throw in the towel. And several times I've wonder why I got married. But then I think of all of the good things and realize we have an amazing life. And I don't want a different one. Your day will come soon. Do what you can to make it as normal as possible. The internet is a wonderful thing. We FaceTime and We watch movies together. He talks to my kids. We sleep together at night I find it comforting to wake up through the night and hear him snoring. You can do this!

[Dianalorena]

Hey TaraMarie!

first of all congratulations on your marriage
I'm happy you got to spend every wekeend together, and that you're finally closing the distance in January.
I don't think you're suffering any less, it can be harder at times if anything,
when you see him on the weekends you don't want him to leave. This is how I feel when he visits for a week,
we wait for months (4 being the most so far) to then spend a week and I never want it to end.
When we don't see each other for a while you kind of get used to it, you adapt, then every goodbye feels like
a breakup, it's awful.
He is coming over and staying a full month with me for the Holidays, but I keep thinking of that goodbye moment,
it's rough because even though we are excited, we don't know how much longer we have to keep doing this.

I'm grateful for that month, don't get me wrong, and any time we get to spend together but saying goodbye is heartbreaking.
thank you for the encouragement I appreciate it!
it's difficult because he is not that organized and works a lot, so we don't facetime or talk often, he admits he is not
a good long distance boyfriend and husband, but he tries and I'm generally independent so I try to stay strong for the both of us,
but these past couple of months that we are down to the wire are the hardest so far.

sorry for the extra rant, hah. and the English I tried my best.
thank you <3

[TaraMarie]

Hey TaraMarie!

first of all congratulations on your marriage
I'm happy you got to spend every wekeend together, and that you're finally closing the distance in January.
I don't think you're suffering any less, it can be harder at times if anything,
when you see him on the weekends you don't want him to leave. This is how I feel when he visits for a week,
we wait for months (4 being the most so far) to then spend a week and I never want it to end.
When we don't see each other for a while you kind of get used to it, you adapt, then every goodbye feels like
a breakup, it's awful.
He is coming over and staying a full month with me for the Holidays, but I keep thinking of that goodbye moment,
it's rough because even though we are excited, we don't know how much longer we have to keep doing this.

I'm grateful for that month, don't get me wrong, and any time we get to spend together but saying goodbye is heartbreaking.
thank you for the encouragement I appreciate it!
it's difficult because he is not that organized and works a lot, so we don't facetime or talk often, he admits he is not
a good long distance boyfriend and husband, but he tries and I'm generally independent so I try to stay strong for the both of us,
but these past couple of months that we are down to the wire are the hardest so far.

sorry for the extra rant, hah. and the English I tried my best.
thank you <3

Thank you. I know the feeling. Even now I don't want him to leave on Mondays. When we were only together once every three weeks, I used to get so upset on Sunday mornings because I knew I would have to catch a flight that evening. There were many, many tears. And then we're were able to be together every other weekend, and now every weekend. Soon....every day! I know our relationship will change when we are together every day, but he's my best friend and we have so much fun together. If you are committed enough to marry then you are committed enough to wait out the distance. I know it's hard. For me, it's still hard. And I truly NEVER thought I would get to the place. Today he was cleaning out his office in preparation for moving with the new job. He was sad. I was secretly thrilled. Although he works for an amazing boss, it's time for us to have our life now. I'm getting older....I keep telling him all I hear is my clock ticking away to the end of my life. Morbid, I know, but I am sure many of us in a LDR feel the same way. I wish you nothing but a lifetime of love and happiness. Your day will be here before you know it....and suddenly all.of the "waiting time" will be behind you and you will realize it wasn't as difficult as it could have been. You've got this....hang in there.

[Chazaim]

Hey there,

I can feel you. My husband and I are also seperated by paperwork and beaurocracy. He's a Canadian citizen so we applied for sponsorship. The most we've been able to stay together was a week since he can't visit often because of his job and how expensive plane tickets are.

I understand when you say that the meeting is ruined by the prospect of a goodbye. I haven't been with him for four months now and the waiting period is still going on. I am tired and I do my best to cheer him up, it's nerve-wrecking!

[Amber6]

Hey guys,

I've been in a long distance marriage for exactly 11 months now.
We dated 3 months in person before having to become a long distance couple, and married after only 7 months of dating.
Out of a year a half, we've seen each other a total of 5 months. 2 of those months in the span of our marriage.

The reason is that I'm Mexican and he is a U.S citizen, we filed for a spouse VISA in February and we haven't heard a thing
in 10 months. After that we still have to go trhough NVC (3-4 months) and wait for an interview (at least 2-3 more months)
so we're looking at another half a year at least.

I feel so hopeless since I can't visit him. We can't really plan ahead either, the worst part is not knowing when it's going to end.
he's done above and beyond, spending all his vacation time and money visiting me this year and I'm grateful for it, but the
feeling of not having any control is wearing me out. Not seeing him for months and months, is so painful.

it's hard to think of it as a non conventional marriage, a situation that a lot of people don't really fully understand.
We didn't get to have a honeymoon or start our lives together as newlyweds, rent or buy a house together, get a puppy.
His family hasn't met me, since they couldn't attend the wedding in Mexico.
Any new relationships have challenges, but make it a marriage and then a long distance one, and things get crazy.

I'm tired, feeling emotional and hormonal today and just felt like venting.
thank you for reading guys.

really right