Has anyone closed the distance with kids?

[Flautist2000]

So, I've been seeing this amazing woman since August (we've known each other for over a year). She lives in the UK and I live in N.Y., USA. I have a 6-year-old daughter from my previous marriage. Here, she sees my family once every month or two, and my ex's family once a month or a bit more. She sees my ex once or twice a week. He's involved, in terms of making his presence known, but has zero responsibility toward her care.

GF and I are not at a point where we'd be making any kind of relocation decisions, but I asked my lawyer what my chances of relocation are, keeping my daughter with me. If I were to offer vacations which would leave ex-husband with more parenting time hours, just clumped into 3 or 4 visits per year, with evening skype "dates." The school district and cultural opportunities and financial situation would improve greatly.

My lawyer said she wouldn't even take that case. It's virtually impossible. If I wanted to move, I would have to assume I'd be moving without my daughter.

My city is not somewhere I would want to bring my GF to live. It's not bad, but it is economically depressed, and the education system is crap, and the job situation is incredibly dismal in her type of career. She has established so much where she lives, and I think both my life and my daughter's would improve immensely by living there. But after hearing this honesty from my lawyer, I almost wonder if it would hurt less to give up hope now and move on.

I'm crying thinking about that. There is no doubt I love her, and she loves me. I am happier than I've ever been, and yes, it's only been 4 months, but still. I imagine my life with her, married, possibly with a second child, and it makes me happy. I'd survive without her, I know that, but I would be pretty miserable and lonely. I can't imagine being with anyone else, so I think I'd pretty much just stick with single mom life.

Has anyone moved, against their ex's wishes, so far away? Especially from N.Y.? I just need to know it's not hopeless. I don't want to have to choose between the woman I love, and my child. My child wins, always, but losing her would break my heart.

Thanks. I know this wasn't very clear, but I'm a bit scatterbrained right now.

[samalamadingdong]

hi

I haven't relocated yet, but will be doing it with children. I know your lawyer said they didn't want to touch it, but have you thought of just working it out civilly/privately with your ex? If you guys could draw up an agreement between you both would that happen? Or do you need a lawyer just to mediate?

Best of luck to you x

[Flautist2000]

Lol, he won't even sit down to mediate a basic custody arrangement that says she lives with me now...he says it's not fair. Even though she's spent 2 nights there since he moved out in March. But it shouldn't be in writing that she lives with me and he can visit when he wants, because that's "screwing him over." I didn't even propose a visit schedule because he opposes it (even though I feel like a schedule would be better for our daughter).

It's ok. My girlfriend knows my daughter can't move, and she understands that I won't go anywhere without my daughter. There are other options, even if they're temporary, and we'll figure something out if/when we get there.

PS: if anyone else has the urge to send me a PM claiming that me dating a woman is messing with my daughter's head, just don't. I grew up in conservative America, I've heard your backwards thinking before. Grow up.

[Caro1]

PS: if anyone else has the urge to send me a PM claiming that me dating a woman is messing with my daughter's head, just don't. I grew up in conservative America, I've heard your backwards thinking before. Grow up.

I wasn't planning on answering to this thread as I have no valuable input for your situation, but I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry someone messaged you something like that. What a great way to make someone feel unwelcome in this forum. You'd think that people in a long distance relationship (which is why most of us are in this forum), would have had to deal with their fair share of people judging their choice of partner from across the world and because of that experience not judge others as quickly about their partner choice. But I guess I was wrong to assume that. Shame on them!

[Flautist2000]

You'd think that people in a long distance relationship (which is why most of us are in this forum), would have had to deal with their fair share of people judging their choice of partner from across the world and because of that experience not judge others as quickly about their partner choice.

You'd think! Thanks . They sent a long message, I think basically telling me it'd be better for my daughter to leave her with her father (because s/he moved away from her/his father and it sucked). *eye roll*. If he can't take care of her when I take a week every few months to visit my girlfriend, how can anyone expect that him taking custody would be in her best interest?

Thanks