Is A Surprise Visit A Good Or Bad Idea?

[rainy_daze]

My Belarusian girlfriend became my fiancee a few months ago and we have submitted our K1 visa application so that she can come to the US and we can be married during 2018. These days, that process can take 6-8 months or more and we both agreed that we would just wait out the process from opposite sides of the world.

However, I had an idea that, to me, seems crazy but also a bit romantic... and I'm trying to see if there's a downside to this idea. I was thinking that I wanted to fly to her country for a surprise meeting a few months from now - at about the half-way point in our visa waiting process. I was thinking not to tell her about it at all and just show up and be there waiting for her one afternoon as she's leaving work.

I'd only stay a little while... I wouldn't be trying to take her out of town or do anything special - but I thought that having me appear on her street would be a pretty memorable thing.

In my way of seeing this idea, it looks so nice - but what might she think about it? What down-sides am I overlooking? Is it better to tell her I'm coming a day or two in advance so that she has some time to be prepared?

[C.C.]

It all depends on a person really. If she likes things planned and surprises make her anxious, then a bad idea. If she likes surprises in general, then she'll love it.

The thing with ldr visits is that it takes quite a bit of planning on both sides and some would like to be warned beforehand to be in better control of the situation. It is romantic, though. So.. you know her the best. You could also contact her close friend or family member to help you out with the planning.

[samalamadingdong]

This sounds like the most romantic, amazing and wonderful thing. I would burst into tears of joy if this happened to me. If you can afford it, then do it!! It will be a beautiful memory to tell your grandchildren when you are old.

[Mariaa]

Aaww, it's a wonderful surprise. Very romantic ! I'm a person who likes things all planned but if I had a fiance or bf and did that for me I would be over the moon . My advice is, go over there and surprise her !!
Congrats btw and wish you all the best guys 😊

[Rezie]

I agree with C.C. it takes also planning and preparation from the person you are visiting.

for me personally that would cause mainly anxiety and resentment towards my boyfriend and it would be everything but romantic.
But some girls would love it. you know her best and know if she would enjoy it.

[C.C.]

for me personally that would cause mainly anxiety and resentment towards my boyfriend and it would be everything but romantic.

I can relate, for me, the entire visit would be a big time failure/mess. Because I'd resent him for everything I didn't/couldn't prepare for and for being put off track/control over my life.

[xxcazaxx]

Its a lovely idea but I think it would be better to plan with her so that she could actually have time off work and you could do things together.

[Framboise]

I think that it is better to organize something by talking with her about it before. I don't really like surprise like that, because I wouldn't be able to really organize myself (getting off work, looking nice etc). She will be happy enough if you say to her that you want to see her, I'm sure!

[moondance]

The joy of knowing she's going to see you will greatly improve those 3 months of her life, so I think it would be a better gift to let her know you're coming. It would have made me so happy! You could always show up a couple of days earlier than she expects so you still get to surprise her at her place.

[rainy_daze]

OP here... Adding a bit more context and an update.

The last time I went to visit her in her home city, she knew I was coming months in advance... and that knowledge allowed her to entirely overwork herself, trying to put together plans for our time together there. In the days leading up to my arrival, she could almost not be found online because she had taken days off from work and was busily preparing food, finalizing activities and trying to make sure our time together was perfect. During my time there, she was the picture of efficiency as all her plans unfolded flawlessly - but she really didn't seem to be having very much fun. The carefree girl I had seen at our first meeting was somewhat replaced by this efficient go-getter and I couldn't help but wish for her to "just be" a little more... for both our sake.

I appreciated every effort she made to make my visit there full and exciting and memorable. She wanted me to see her city and sample her culture and she was a sweet and tireless tour guide. So, don't get me wrong - I loved everything that she did for my visit - but I thought that if I went back there, unannounced, it would remove her compulsion to entertain me. It would let her "just be" during my brief visit. At least, this was my thought.

I've discussed this idea with her daughter (age 22) and we've concluded that a complete and total surprise is maybe not my best move - so I've decided to tell her I'm coming... basically 2 days before I arrive. If she wants to shave her legs or get her nails done, she'll have time for that much - but it won't give her the chance to go into a huge planning frenzy that will leave her exhausted and stressed by he time I see her.

Maybe it's the best of both worlds... or heh, maybe it's the worst of both. I fly to her in 60 days - I guess I'll see which it ends up being.