Afraid I can't handle this

[Krio]

Hello, thank you for reading this, I'll be saying a lot of sad things in here and really, I hate complaining and I wish I could just shut my stupid mouth, but I can't. I'll start saying I'm 16 years old and that this is my first, true relationship.
So, at the end of November I met this girl online and we started texting a lot: eventually, we ended up doing videocalls and these started to last something like 3 and once even 4 hours... There has been a period in my life in which I was searching for a girlfriend online before I met her, but I gave up on that due to the amount of sufference it brought to me, and when I started to talk to her at first I kept saying myself that she would only be my friend. Christmas came and I was visiting her country, so I asked my parents if I could visit her for one day: we managed to do that and we went to her city. Me and her spent the entire day together and it was one of the best days of my life, I had so much fun with her. Towards the end of the day she started acting flirty and she kissed me: I was scared at first for all of the things that could have happened to us due to the distance but I embraced it, I told her nothing and we entered in a relationship. We've been together for something like 2 weeks and it has been 2 weeks since I'm not seeing her: we've spent only one day together, but it was great. I am making plans again on seeing her during the summer holidays, but the distance is killing me: I've had a hard life and I only have 1 friend with who I don't speak/see every day in my social circle. I am alone most of the time and I can't stop thinking of my girlfriend. Sometimes when she doesn't answer my messages I get paranoid and I know it's wrong, it fucking sucks to be one of this kind of people that worries too much, but I can't change that no matter how hard I try. I don't want to lose her, I'd do everything to be with her, but the distance is hurting me badly... How do I stop this? Should I get more busy with people? Increase my social circle? Please, help me...

[Tenebrae]

Hello,

Everything you have described, including the distance and the insecurity, is something that people here wrestle with in their long-distance relationships, so as painful and uncomfortable as it is, what you're feeling is normal. The conventional wisdom here is try to live your non-LDR life as much as you can, while keeping up as much meaningful communication with your girl as is possible. For me the secret is keeping busy plus planning for our next in-person meeting, no matter how far in the future that is.

I have only gotten to be together with my girlfriend four times for a couple of days each, but they have been wonderful, including one day that we both agreed was the best day of our lives, sort of like the one day you and your girlfriend had. LDR is a high price to pay, but the results can be so worth it. Hang in there and best of luck!

[erwin1973]

Some things you say I can relate directly to myself. I am a devorced father (who hasn't seen his son in over 5½ months!!) and I live alone. I don't work outdoors (in fact, I don't work except some translationwork that I do and some composing) so I am home alone pretty much all day. My lady and me are together for over 16 months and we haven't met yet in person. I also do have only one friend - and he is the only one I can talk with about my lady. I can't talk about it with my parents.

I agree with Tenebrea that you should focus on your 'real' life, not building it on her (yet). Do what you have to do. Since you're only 16, I guess you're still at school. Focus on that. Make time for your girl, set fixed times for chatting / camming and for the rest, do your school, go out (jogging, for example) and do what you always did. When you are waiting for a reply, and she is busy, then time goes terribly slow.

My lady and me have fixed times when we chat and cam and for the rest I don't have to worry about her not replying. Either she is asleep, or I am (due to time difference). But that aside, when I am up, I do my work, my composing, my hobbies, watch a good movie, play my organ, whatever. I keep busy, even though I am alone 24/7 (I am not complaining about that, btw).

So the best you can do, is keeping busy. If you find out you still can't handle it, may be you're not fit for an LDR...

[Thousandstars]

In my late teens/ early 20s I was in a situation like that, and in an LDR too. I wasn't working, I didn't have a lot of friends. My bf at the time was half a world away working, it really got to me. I lost myself to that relationship, I got very depressed, I let myself be sucked in, I spent way WAY to much time focused on him and our relationship, instead of having my own life. It really sucked, but I learned a lot

Keeping busy is a good way to pass the time. Keep up with your own interests or pick up some new ones. Try to get a schedule of when you guys can both talk, understand that it might not be every day, but having a schedule helps. Also open and honest communication can be a life saver. If you both talk about your wants and needs and can come to an understanding I think that can help as well.

Sending good vibes your way!