This time is so hard

[Chifuyu4]

This end of December until January 6th I spent a wonderful two weeks with my SO in Japan. We stayed at his apartment in Tokyo and went on a trip to Kyoto and Osaka for 5 days. I arrived one day late because of flight issues, but every minute together was absolutely wonderful.
Now I'm back in Canada and for some reason this time I can't get used to being apart at all. University is hard and it's just tough not haivng him here to support me or just be around, and I wish I could be there for him too. We won't see each other until the summer and even that isn't for sure. Next year I'll hopefully be studying in Tokyo for 6 months but then I'll have to come back and finish a year of university before I can finally go back to Japan to work, and then I don't know if I'll be placed in his area.
The distance seems never ending. Lately I'm feeling like it might be better if we could get engaged this summer or next year. It would be at least a few more years after that until we could get married, but somehow I feel like it might be less lonely and more solid feeling. Should I try to bring it up this summer if we can meet? Has anyone been in a similar situation?

[Redheart14]

Getting engaged doesn't really change the distance sometimes it can make things harder with people's expectations of you closing the distance now you're engaged and trying to plan a wedding from afar. It can strengthen you as a couple but also strengthen the need to be together which can add more stress. Just one opinion though, you might experience the complete opposite.

[Sakuu4]

Hi there!
I also was/am in a similar situation. I was studying in Japan for 1 year when I met my boyfriend and when I had to come back it really was difficult. I still had one year or more of university and I felt like it was just a never ending path.
It was hard, no doubts! I think I really was depressed, the only thing that helped was planning visits and finish studies as soon as possible. Honestly, as you also said, the problem is that even once you're done with uni it doesn't mean you'll be able to close the distance right away. But at the same time there are many things that can change and opportunities that can't be foreseen.
For my personal experience, I can tell you that after graduation I already felt so much better, even without concrete plans to close the distance. Now you know that anyway you have to come back or that you have to stay in your country for a determined span of time, but when you're done even the thought that "you could pack and leave tomorrow" will hopefully make you feel better!
Start to apply for any possible job even before graduation, as you may know japanese companies hire months before you start working so you can try! Meanwhile you could save money and if you don't find a job think about a language school there and then who knows, you can find job once there.

I still haven't closed the distance myself, but I was hired from a Japanese company and will start in April. Also, on the last visit (December) we got engaged and he's thinking of relocating in the area I will be assigned to. By the way, we have been together for 3years and 9months so far so yeah, it may take a lot of time, but I think it will be totally worth it in the end
Also, as Redheart14 said, it is true that getting engaged may bring even more pressure. I think it would have been even harder for me to be engaged before I even knew I got a job there, if this makes sense. Also on my SO, as he is very practical and wanted to have a job before proposing. Maybe talk about the topic in general and try to see what his thoughts are?

What does your SO do, if I can ask? can he be the sponsor of your visa?

[Chifuyu4]

Getting engaged doesn't really change the distance sometimes it can make things harder with people's expectations of you closing the distance now you're engaged and trying to plan a wedding from afar. It can strengthen you as a couple but also strengthen the need to be together which can add more stress. Just one opinion though, you might experience the complete opposite.

Thanks so much. I do think it's possible that getting engaged could turn up the pressure so I'm not sure. I might just have to wait and see what feels right I guess. Thanks so much for your advice!

[Chifuyu4]

Hi there!
I also was/am in a similar situation. I was studying in Japan for 1 year when I met my boyfriend and when I had to come back it really was difficult. I still had one year or more of university and I felt like it was just a never ending path.
It was hard, no doubts! I think I really was depressed, the only thing that helped was planning visits and finish studies as soon as possible. Honestly, as you also said, the problem is that even once you're done with uni it doesn't mean you'll be able to close the distance right away. But at the same time there are many things that can change and opportunities that can't be foreseen.
For my personal experience, I can tell you that after graduation I already felt so much better, even without concrete plans to close the distance. Now you know that anyway you have to come back or that you have to stay in your country for a determined span of time, but when you're done even the thought that "you could pack and leave tomorrow" will hopefully make you feel better!
Start to apply for any possible job even before graduation, as you may know japanese companies hire months before you start working so you can try! Meanwhile you could save money and if you don't find a job think about a language school there and then who knows, you can find job once there.

I still haven't closed the distance myself, but I was hired from a Japanese company and will start in April. Also, on the last visit (December) we got engaged and he's thinking of relocating in the area I will be assigned to. By the way, we have been together for 3years and 9months so far so yeah, it may take a lot of time, but I think it will be totally worth it in the end
Also, as Redheart14 said, it is true that getting engaged may bring even more pressure. I think it would have been even harder for me to be engaged before I even knew I got a job there, if this makes sense. Also on my SO, as he is very practical and wanted to have a job before proposing. Maybe talk about the topic in general and try to see what his thoughts are?

What does your SO do, if I can ask? can he be the sponsor of your visa?

Wow, thanks so much for your advice and sharing your story! It's nice to hear from someone who has had a similar situation

I'm planning to apply for JET in my last year of university. My school encourages graduates to go on the program and sometimes the profs help recommend you to the admissions committee and stuff. I'm hoping to be placed in or near Tokyo to be near my SO, but of course with JET your placement is largely by chance. My plan anyway is to start looking for a teaching job (with another company/language school) in Tokyo proper once I've spent a couple months on JET (If I'm not placed in Tokyo - either way JET is only for 5 years max). I'm hoping if we can get married a year or two after I arrive and can move to Tokyo, I can apply for the Spouse of Japanese National Visa. Oh and he is an engineer at a sewing machine company

I think if we can meet this summer I might bring up stuff then, so we have a chance to think it over before I study in Japan next year. I know I'll move to Japan and that we'll get married eventually, it's just the small uncertainties about my job stuff and the waiting that's so hard. And of course being sooo far apart sucks but I guess you know about that!