Living Across the World From Each Other (First Post)

[ScottCheggs]

Hi all, I'm looking for some advice I guess?

I live in the UK, my girlfriend lives in America. We're both 21. We met originally on gaming forums and played together for a while, then started our relationship online. We've met up once before, and it was everything we imagined it would be. We got on amazingly well, laughed at all the same jokes, liked the same things, she got on with my family etc. It's now been several weeks since she left for home and we both find ourselves... lost? In limbo? It's kind of hard to put into words.

The issue we're having is that we can only see each other at most two times a year. Work commitments on her end mean she can only come here for 10 days once a year, and then I go can there and she works some days, half days on others. I think the reality of this fact might be setting in, and we're having trouble with the future. We want to be with each other, but are unsure how to make it work.

Finding the time to visit is obviously an issue, one of us needs to take the time off work to visit the other which we can only do a certain amount of times per year. Money can be a issue, plane tickets are expensive, for accommodation when I'm there AirBnB is the cheapest option due to her familial issues and a small house. We're 5 hours time difference apart, so there are a lot of things we can't do together (She gets home at 5:30 pm her time, 10:30 pm my time, so there isn't exactly a lot of daylight hours left). It's our first time for either of us being in an LDR, so there are all of the issues with that to deal with. And as I said before, the emotional strain is... intense, as I'm sure you all know. Not being able to just... do things together, go shopping, hold hands, hug, anything like that. We play games every night, as well as using Gaze to watch videos together. I read her to sleep sometimes, that helps us to feel closer in a way.

I think the point of this post is how do we cope? With the distance, the time difference, only being able to see each other two times a year. I realise this could be made as a blog post, but I'm new to this site and doubt anyone would read it. (Is that how that works?) I'm looking for advice, that kind of thing would be massively helpful, thanks in advance.

[kittyo9]

And as I said before, the emotional strain is... intense, as I'm sure you all know. Not being able to just... do things together, go shopping, hold hands, hug, anything like that. We play games every night, as well as using Gaze to watch videos together. I read her to sleep sometimes, that helps us to feel closer in a way.

This is, unfortunately, the reality of an LDR. There's no way around it. All you can do is find ways to spend quality time together and make the distance feel a little smaller, and it sounds like you're doing that. Being international can make it more difficult and limit the amount of times you can see each other each year-- I consider myself very lucky now to be able to see my SO about every 2 months, but there are a lot of people who do 2-3 visits per year, max. It is very resource intensive, but it can also be fun to look forward to and plan your next visit.

I have a question about your SO's time off-- you said that she can take 10 days once a year, but that strikes me as a strange policy-- it would be more likely to me that she has 10 days of vacation (which is the equivalent of 2 weeks off, unfortunately very common in the states) per year, but probably wants to use it all at once for a longer visit. If that is the case, it might be a better idea to try to break it up into two one-week stints (5 days each + weekend(s) = 6-9 days per visit) and/or work around holidays to extend her trip duration (ex: Independence day, Memorial day, President's day). However, I don't want to make assumptions if I'm just ignorant of her particular work policy. Can you clarify?

It's not as fun being stuck with your SO working while you're visiting, for sure. We always want to make the most of our time together. However, you can think of it kind of like a preview of real life-- you guys won't be on vacation all the time and you'll have to learn how to work around work schedules and habits.

What is the reason you can only visit her once a year?

[Bru]

I feel you in every way possible , I live in Brazil and my SO in South Korea , that means he’s literally on the other side of the world , not only we have to cope with the 12 hours difference , we can only see each other 2 times a year as well, it’s complicated but I love him so damn much everything is a reward even after almost 2 years I just love him more everyday that passes, yes there are plenty of times that I just want to be able to go to the movies with my SO and do normal stuff or I get jealous randomly but if you keep the right amount of communication , everything can work out. good luck!

[dorielle_tz]

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years and we have only met 4 times going to be 5 in june.
now i do admit that we have only 2 hours difference bitween us (he is from the UK too and im from israel) but we dont have many chances to meet either tbh, the fact we met that much so far is just because... yeah i dont know really..
i guess we just take any chance we get and every bit of money we have to spend on this little bit of time together.. and we have met for the first time only after 2 and a half years of being together so it also took us a while to even get to this.

im 20 and he is 21 and ive got a job and he is still looking because of how difficult it is over there with this so our money situation isnt too great either i mean yeah i got money and i am helping him with the tickets for coming here and all but its still a bit difficult.
oh and lets not forget the fact that i come from a religious jewish family (im not religious there for i dont care about the rules of the religioun much..) and when they found out im dating a guy that isnt jewish they literely just flipped oh my they went so mad that my mom and dad tried to stop me from talking to him and end this.

But hey, look at us now! we have been together for almost 5 years, we love each other so much and we do our best to be together and even when we are not than to just skype as much as we can or do things like play on some multiplayer games (we both have nintendo switch so we play on some games together), talk about movies we have just watched and suggesting some to each other, you know.. we just try to not think about the fact we are not together most of the time and just try to make the most of it until we can actually be together again. And every time you do schedule a time to meet its always good to talk about it, what you are going to do and plan everything out. its hard.. its always gonna be hard.. but at some point you will get in to this routin of video calls and games and all that you do together and you wont notice it as much (of course it will still be there but you will be so used to it you will just go with it).

you just need to be strong and be patient because if you really do love each other like you say than you will get to be together in the end and you will find a way to spend more time together until eventually you can live together or do whatever you want of course!
we do have sometimes these day when its really hard especially when i work until late at night (i am a bread baker so i work at the afternoon until soometimes late at night) and we just talk about it and how hard it is when we barely get to see eahc other or talk and sometimes i get super scared that one day.. you know.. it will all be over..
but in reality i know it wont because i love him with all my heart and he loves me too and we want this to work and we always look for new options for us to be together and i guess finally close the distance. so if you really do love each other than you can make it! just remember that it will be so worth it in the end of it all!

and besides just think about that feeling you get when you finally see each other after a while of not beiing together when you hug them and kiss them again not many people can say they get that feeling, has bad and strong that missing the other person feeling is when you see them coming towards you after a while of missing them thats the best feeling in the world especially when its time to close the distance when you know that you made it no matter what people say, no matter how hard it was you made it and thats all that matters! and of course your love for each other!

im sorry it turned out extremely long haha but when i read your post it just made me think about us a while back all that shit we have been through all these years with my family and the distance, but hey like i said its so worth it and thats why we dont give up on each other! so i hope you do get through this and i wish you the best of luck and support!