Feeling the Stress, but determined to Continue

[EmmyLou]

Hi All
It's my first time on this forum so just wanted to say hi and that I'm glad I found you. Being in a LDR is certainly not easy, so it's nice to know there are plenty of you out there in the same or similar boat as I am.
I've been in an LDR for about 2 years now. I'm Australian, he's American. We met online and just clicked. He's a great conversationalist, and with his wit, charm and personality, he drew me in almost immediately.
We met about 5 years ago, but have only become serious in the last 2 years. We have now met in person a total of 4 times, with our first meeting being on neutral ground in Europe. He has come to visit me twice and I have been to Philadelphia once to see him.
We don't intend to be in an LDR forever though and we are currently exploring options for me to move to the US in 2019.
It's hard sometimes, as I miss him terribly. Our most recent time together was spent here in Australia only a month ago. And although it has been hard to separate from him after our previous trips together, this time was definitely the hardest.
I really struggle sometimes to deal with it all, the emotion of being apart and just the general frustration of the situation, but I am determined to continue. I love him and I know he loves me, so for me, that is what is getting me through.
Thanks for reading. I hope to hear from anyone who is in a similar situation. Please don't hesitate to message me if you want to tell me your story, or if it is just to laugh/cry/vent/complain/etc etc. 😆
Cheers guys!

[jreyes21]

Welcome to the forum!! LDR's are certainly an emotional rollercoaster, and having that determination will make things easier in the long run

I understand where you're coming from too...sometimes for me it's way too hard to go back to being in an LDR after visiting my gf/when she visits me

[Inlovebut]

Hi guys,

It's good to see that i am not the only one who feels something like that.

So i have been in long distance relationship with my guy since 5 years. GOSH! it feels like way more than that.
We are planning to get married by next year may be.

But till that time we will have to do this long distance. It feels overwhelming to be away from him. However somehow my guy seems pretty comfortable in this long distance setting. He's not good at expressing himself and also he is a workaholic.

We make it a point to talk everyday and video call as often as we can. But he can handle this relationship way better than i can. As he is busy most of the time, i feel pretty lonely. And by the time he calls me he is already exhausted and in no mood to talk. I understand he has commitments with people physically present around him but i feel im the last one on his priority list.

I love him and so does he, but i don't feel like im in a relationship. It's probably because of the long distance thingy cause when we're together i feel awesome.

I know i have to hold on but it's hard!

Any suggestions on how do i reduce this emotional stress?

[Redheart14]

Don't lose hope. Some members have been in a LDR for 5 years before finally closing the distance, it can be done. Just work together on giving yourself goals (end dates, next visit, holidays) and focus on those rather than how much distance there is between you. Where in Aus do you live?

[Inlovebut]

I'm trying to not lose hope. But one day he makes me happy the other day he makes me sad. I'm really tired of this nonsense. If I was not this serious about the guy, I probably would have broken up!
I'm actually from India. I didn't want to talk to any of my friends here cause they kinda discourage and make feel even worse.
So, thought of expressing on some forum where i can get genuine response.

[Ali Schnee]

I think here is a right place! I am in the 6th year of my 12000 km ldr, so you see, its working out. And yes, it´s totally normal that sometimes you would LOVE to throw plates at your significant other XD I guess we all pass this, no matter what relationship it is. And sometimes you have the feeling that you are talking to a wall and then you feel little and insignificant and just want this all to end, no matter how. Been there, done that. Do not worry, happens to the best. And you will have weekends when he is busy and the first message of the day arrive at 11pm and you passed the whole day thinking in him and writing and feeling like a complete idiot (probably also imagining him cheating and already planning a break up message XD). Keep going, this days pass. And suddenly the sun is shining and you talked it all out and with a bit work and compassion its perfectly fine again.

By the way: my friends and more my family were SUPER unsupportive. People told me seriously like all the time: "Come on, he will never stay with you!"/"Come on, he is a good looking guy, he won't be with you, he will cheat!". It hurts a lot... and your friends think: hey I am saving her life from disappointment. But now my family kind of accepted it and my friends... well, passing all my free time in Skype i dont have a lot of them left XD and the other are becoming supportive over time.

I hope i could throw you a bit of rainbow! Talk more, stress less, communication and trust are the magic ingredients! And if you want to complain a bit, dont hesitate, write me

[Lokey]

I feel like I typed this, 90% my senerio.
I feel so drained this days and I tear up from time to time. We’ve been dating now for 5years (will be 5years in April) and we got engaged in November (2017). We haven’t made/spoken about any wedding plans since we got engaged because he’s been busy with work. I really don’t know what to do, I’m getting really tired of long distance but I love him.

[Msmand75]

Hi EmmyLou, this is my first post or reply too I just found this place and we have a lot in common. I’m English in a committed relationship with an American. We have had 5 visits so far with our 6th planned for two weeks time and plan to get engaged and me emigrate so just starting the process of putting visa paperwork together but I’m struggling right now with distance related depression and feel like I’m almost becoming a bit reclusive because I have to fit my time around him as he’s an EE doctor and I just miss him so much. Like you the missing gets harder after each visit. Hoping we both find some help and I too am glad we found this place with others in our position

[waterworth]

Gosh, I really do know how you feel. The last time my girlfriend came over she stayed for about 5 weeks (because of plane cancellations etc.) and once she left it absolutely destroyed me for quite some time - exacerbating my already existent depression and anxiety. On top of that she didn't have the internet for a month afterwards! It's incredibly difficult sometimes, but these are just some of the issues unique to us in LDR's. For me, at least, I (and from how you've all described your partners, I would say you too) would rather be with her than anybody else and will put up with these issues.

Admittedly, the problems we all go through are unique to our own situations and are complex; life in general is complex and we have to attempt to concoct some sort of solution.

If I could give one piece of advice which has helped me, it is to keep yourself active - doing something, whatever that may be. For me, it's reading books and listening to music. Whatever you like doing, make sure you do things rather than sit/lie down and keep to your thoughts - our thoughts tend to be a bit mean sometimes!

James

[Inlovebut]

LOL!

i can totally get you! I have broken up with him in my mind quite a few times.
Making up after an argument conversation is the best one i feel. Suddenly u feel so connected at a deeper level to this person and yes, the sun is shining bright again!

Hey I'm just so glad to have someone who can empathise with me and motivate me to keep me going! I will definitely not hesitate to complain to you about him. 😁

N yes, I'm surely going to work on those magic ingredients!

[Inlovebut]

Gosh, I really do know how you feel. The last time my girlfriend came over she stayed for about 5 weeks (because of plane cancellations etc.) and once she left it absolutely destroyed me for quite some time - exacerbating my already existent depression and anxiety. On top of that she didn't have the internet for a month afterwards! It's incredibly difficult sometimes, but these are just some of the issues unique to us in LDR's. For me, at least, I (and from how you've all described your partners, I would say you too) would rather be with her than anybody else and will put up with these issues.

Admittedly, the problems we all go through are unique to our own situations and are complex; life in general is complex and we have to attempt to concoct some sort of solution.

If I could give one piece of advice which has helped me, it is to keep yourself active - doing something, whatever that may be. For me, it's reading books and listening to music. Whatever you like doing, make sure you do things rather than sit/lie down and keep to your thoughts - our thoughts tend to be a bit mean sometimes!

James

I guess I couldn't agree more to what you said. I'm keeping myself busy too with baking or listening to music etc. Keep your mind active!