So, I'm currently having a bit of a mental/emotional struggle.
Basics: my girlfriend and I have known each other (met online) since Nov 2016. Met in person August 2017 on my side of the pond and hit it off and made it official. I've visited her once since then (almost 2 week visit).
After 7 months together, part of my brain is itching to talk "heavier" stuff. Hopes and dreams, in more than a general context. What would/could a life together look like? Not planning, just talking. It seems like it's normal for couples at this stage, and I'm crazy in love with her, and I'd love to see us together for the long haul. I've been married twice before, and she's the first person I've been with where I haven't thought "I wonder if there's someone better." I agreed to marry the exes, even though it wasn't right, and I knew it wasn't right. This feels right. If only there weren't a stupid ocean.
On the other hand...we've had 2 visits together. Yes, I spent 2 weeks in her home and we didn't drive each other crazy, and she was comfortable with me being there, even though sometimes having people in her space can cause anxiety, and I loved being there with her and even helping with the simple stuff like cooking and cleanup. But still...7 months? Or 2 weeks?
I don't have the best history of healthy relationships, so this is really hard for me. At what point do you even bring up closing the distance? She knows I'd never go anywhere without my daughter, and she knows I can't move with her for at least 7-10 more years, and she knows I'm very sad about that because I think my child would thrive in her city. But that's the most we've talked about it.
This is also slightly rushed because I know we would both like another child (well, another for me, she doesn't have any), and we're not getting any younger (I'm 35, she's 44).
I have another visit in a few weeks, then one in June, then she's coming here in August (meeting my daughter and mom). Part of me really wants to have this conversation (talking, not planning) this trip. Is that reasonable? Again: my "healthy relationship" meter is broken. Ex #1 we met at 17 and were moved in within a month of dating. Ex #2 moved in slowly and began mooching within 3 months. I want to have (and give her) the family we both want, but I also don't want to rush things. It's a balancing act I'm not handling too well right now!
Help?
Basics: my girlfriend and I have known each other (met online) since Nov 2016. Met in person August 2017 on my side of the pond and hit it off and made it official. I've visited her once since then (almost 2 week visit).
After 7 months together, part of my brain is itching to talk "heavier" stuff. Hopes and dreams, in more than a general context. What would/could a life together look like? Not planning, just talking. It seems like it's normal for couples at this stage, and I'm crazy in love with her, and I'd love to see us together for the long haul. I've been married twice before, and she's the first person I've been with where I haven't thought "I wonder if there's someone better." I agreed to marry the exes, even though it wasn't right, and I knew it wasn't right. This feels right. If only there weren't a stupid ocean.
On the other hand...we've had 2 visits together. Yes, I spent 2 weeks in her home and we didn't drive each other crazy, and she was comfortable with me being there, even though sometimes having people in her space can cause anxiety, and I loved being there with her and even helping with the simple stuff like cooking and cleanup. But still...7 months? Or 2 weeks?
I don't have the best history of healthy relationships, so this is really hard for me. At what point do you even bring up closing the distance? She knows I'd never go anywhere without my daughter, and she knows I can't move with her for at least 7-10 more years, and she knows I'm very sad about that because I think my child would thrive in her city. But that's the most we've talked about it.
This is also slightly rushed because I know we would both like another child (well, another for me, she doesn't have any), and we're not getting any younger (I'm 35, she's 44).
I have another visit in a few weeks, then one in June, then she's coming here in August (meeting my daughter and mom). Part of me really wants to have this conversation (talking, not planning) this trip. Is that reasonable? Again: my "healthy relationship" meter is broken. Ex #1 we met at 17 and were moved in within a month of dating. Ex #2 moved in slowly and began mooching within 3 months. I want to have (and give her) the family we both want, but I also don't want to rush things. It's a balancing act I'm not handling too well right now!
Help?
.
Comment