Numb? Or losing interest? Or both?

[paperplane]

We were/ are doing well in that there are no big fights, routine is the same, etc...but something is off with me.
I went on a short weekend trip with a few college friends for a bachelorette (hen party). I was the only one not living with someone or engaged, and it just really hit home. During a tour the guide made a joke calling out that single friend and my whole group turned and looked pointedly at me. I caught myself referring to myself as single because I just couldn't muster the energy to bring up the 21 questioning that comes with "I have boyfriend but he lives in another country. Again." I'm technically in a relationship, but when everyone went home to their partners, I was flying home to my empty bed. We never really dicussed things being official, it just evolved into that after i moved home and he went from " I'm not gonna commit to someone so far away" to "I want to visit when I have the money!" But we never verbally decided "ok, this is real." No discussion of future goals, just a lot of maybes. and it's just getting to be a bit old for me.

I also realized that I've been a bit depressed. I suddenly realized that I hadn't taken care of my nails, hair, that I hadn't really taken decent care of myself in so long it wasn't till I was around my friends that I felt like I had woken up.



We still have no idea when he plans to visit so I haven't been letting myself really think about that, but in turn I think that is making my numb myself in other ways that might not be helping.

We haven't skyped face to face this week, so maybe that is contributing to things. Maybe this is just a lull and once we have a good chat things will be better I just feel a bit drained lately.

Can anyone relate? Any advice on getting through this part?

[Redheart14]

I went through this before we closed the distance and finalising plans changed. I wondered if I was just loosing the battle of distance. I guess given your age (I went through it) you start to really consider those life choices and evaluate where you are in life. This complies and can make things seem very overwhelming. Maybe a talk with your SO about this ( tell me what you wrote about how you felt) and see if you can work out a where to next. LDRs are draining and having an end point makes it that little bit easier. You can't keep going through this forever, you need to know. You deserve to know.

[paperplane]

Thanks!

Yeah not knowing when we'll see eachother is rough. I feel like I can't even tell people we're together because we never REALLY have had a serious talk about it. I just say I'm talking to him still, but can't call him my boyfriend. He's very affectionate verbally, talks about missing me all the time... and I know he's not seeing anyone else..but I need to hear a verbal confirmation, whereas he seems fine with just going with the flow and seeing where things land.

Then there's the whole insecurity of what if we go through all this just for him to fly out to visit and find that our spark is gone. He is alone a lot too and sometimes i wonder if I'm just a really convenient digital not-girlfriend.

I think if I wasn't super lonely right now, it would be easier. I'm jealous of people who have someone to live with. I definitely need to branch out and meet some people and make friends here or I'll get really depressed. I was almost afraid to build a life here in case I have to move again, but I can't just spend the next year being a hermit on Skype.