Hello,
I am looking for personal advice and/or stories of your own that may help me. I'm from Canada and I am seeing a wonderful, sweet guy from Belgium and both of us are really intent on seeing each other. My boyfriend's parents are super open and are totally fine with him dating long distance, but that's quite a big issue on my part because my parents (more so just my mom) would be super against the idea of a long distance boyfriend... and the fact that I met him online will probably not help. To give some background, I am from Asian descent, and yes, I believe this is quite crucial to mention because a majority of Asian parents are very overprotective and skeptical of people and are very weary in terms of the well-being and safety of their children. I am 20 years old and I have had a fair amount of experiences with "LDRs" to know who to watch out for and to be really careful about the people I meet online. I know you can't trust anyone 100% but I know my boyfriend is someone trustworthy and I know he's not just some catfish. However, despite me being of an age that I should be more independent and do things on my own, my mom has a hard time understanding that. She's very protective and letting go is a very difficult thing for her to do. She also has very high standards and expectations for the person that I end up dating. Most important to her is education. He has to have a University level education. College could work too but it has to be somewhat of a reputable college and a degree that's deemed "good" to her. Basically, she doesn't want me dating anyone who didn't graduate or is not in the process of attaining their university/college degree/diploma, but doesn't want me dating someone with a "lower level" degrees such as Arts (I apologize for my mom). She's very complicated, has a lot of standards, will always find something to nitpick/not like. I also want to become more independent but that idea doesn't sit well with her. I value education but I am more open-minded than my mom. I am willing to communicate and talk to see how things could work out but my mom won't even get to that part. If his education doesn't appeal to my mom, she gives a big "X" and will say no. My boyfriend is going into college this coming September to study Geography and History and he's planning to become a teacher. He also has background in electrical stuff (an electrician of sorts??? My knowledge on this is limited lol) and he's worked with his dad doing electricial and IT related jobs. To me, I believe he is pursuing a good education and career route, and he has background that is valuable as well. But above all, I love him for who is he is as a person... I just wish my mom would give me the chance to show her that.
As you can see, my mom is a huge obstacle that's slowing down the progress of my LDR with my boyfriend. I guess a few questions I have are:
1) As much as I don't want to lie to my mom, I don't think telling her about him will be a good idea... at least not yet. I honestly don't know when I will tell her but what I do know is that I really want to see him next summer (2019). I am trying to think of so many possible ways that I can weave a lie to my mom that will be believable to her. So far, I'm thinking of asking my friends if they'd be interested in going to Europe for a "graduation" trip since I'll be graduating from University in April. My friends and I could plan a trip to Europe to different countries for a week or so, and then we can split off and I'll take another week or so to visit my boyfriend in Belgium. I'm planning to tell my mom that my friends and I will be in Europe for 2 to 2.5 weeks, but I'll be with my friends for 1 week and then the last half of my trip, I'll fly over to Belgium and spend my time with him. I really don't want to lie to my mom but I really want to see my boyfriend and I'm really tired of these chains around my feet and I want to do things for myself!! The problem right now is that the likelihood of me visiting my boyfriend is 100% reliant on my friends decision (if they say yes to going on a trip or no). So if they say yes, GREAT! If they say no, this plan is no longer possible and I gotta go to plan B.... which I don't have. Thoughts on this plan? Advice on plan B???? Note: my boyfriend could always visit me here but I'd rather him not because 1) my mom doesn't know about him yet; 2) he doesn't want to stay in a hotel only to see me during a few hours in the day and be alone at night (it'll be a waste cuz he's coming to see me!) and I want to be seeing him as much as possible (meaning sleeping and waking up to his face is definitely something I want)
2) My fellow LDR peeps, more specifically ones who are on the same boat as me (with super strict parents), how did you eventually tell your parents about your long distance boyfriend? How do you tell someone who's narrow-minded on this and will always try to fit back and not listen to you? I want my mom to be happy but I am also really happy with this guy. HELP A HOMEGIRL OUT PLEASE. ; __;
This is my first ever "serious" LDR. All advice will be appreciated. <3
I am looking for personal advice and/or stories of your own that may help me. I'm from Canada and I am seeing a wonderful, sweet guy from Belgium and both of us are really intent on seeing each other. My boyfriend's parents are super open and are totally fine with him dating long distance, but that's quite a big issue on my part because my parents (more so just my mom) would be super against the idea of a long distance boyfriend... and the fact that I met him online will probably not help. To give some background, I am from Asian descent, and yes, I believe this is quite crucial to mention because a majority of Asian parents are very overprotective and skeptical of people and are very weary in terms of the well-being and safety of their children. I am 20 years old and I have had a fair amount of experiences with "LDRs" to know who to watch out for and to be really careful about the people I meet online. I know you can't trust anyone 100% but I know my boyfriend is someone trustworthy and I know he's not just some catfish. However, despite me being of an age that I should be more independent and do things on my own, my mom has a hard time understanding that. She's very protective and letting go is a very difficult thing for her to do. She also has very high standards and expectations for the person that I end up dating. Most important to her is education. He has to have a University level education. College could work too but it has to be somewhat of a reputable college and a degree that's deemed "good" to her. Basically, she doesn't want me dating anyone who didn't graduate or is not in the process of attaining their university/college degree/diploma, but doesn't want me dating someone with a "lower level" degrees such as Arts (I apologize for my mom). She's very complicated, has a lot of standards, will always find something to nitpick/not like. I also want to become more independent but that idea doesn't sit well with her. I value education but I am more open-minded than my mom. I am willing to communicate and talk to see how things could work out but my mom won't even get to that part. If his education doesn't appeal to my mom, she gives a big "X" and will say no. My boyfriend is going into college this coming September to study Geography and History and he's planning to become a teacher. He also has background in electrical stuff (an electrician of sorts??? My knowledge on this is limited lol) and he's worked with his dad doing electricial and IT related jobs. To me, I believe he is pursuing a good education and career route, and he has background that is valuable as well. But above all, I love him for who is he is as a person... I just wish my mom would give me the chance to show her that.
As you can see, my mom is a huge obstacle that's slowing down the progress of my LDR with my boyfriend. I guess a few questions I have are:
1) As much as I don't want to lie to my mom, I don't think telling her about him will be a good idea... at least not yet. I honestly don't know when I will tell her but what I do know is that I really want to see him next summer (2019). I am trying to think of so many possible ways that I can weave a lie to my mom that will be believable to her. So far, I'm thinking of asking my friends if they'd be interested in going to Europe for a "graduation" trip since I'll be graduating from University in April. My friends and I could plan a trip to Europe to different countries for a week or so, and then we can split off and I'll take another week or so to visit my boyfriend in Belgium. I'm planning to tell my mom that my friends and I will be in Europe for 2 to 2.5 weeks, but I'll be with my friends for 1 week and then the last half of my trip, I'll fly over to Belgium and spend my time with him. I really don't want to lie to my mom but I really want to see my boyfriend and I'm really tired of these chains around my feet and I want to do things for myself!! The problem right now is that the likelihood of me visiting my boyfriend is 100% reliant on my friends decision (if they say yes to going on a trip or no). So if they say yes, GREAT! If they say no, this plan is no longer possible and I gotta go to plan B.... which I don't have. Thoughts on this plan? Advice on plan B???? Note: my boyfriend could always visit me here but I'd rather him not because 1) my mom doesn't know about him yet; 2) he doesn't want to stay in a hotel only to see me during a few hours in the day and be alone at night (it'll be a waste cuz he's coming to see me!) and I want to be seeing him as much as possible (meaning sleeping and waking up to his face is definitely something I want)
2) My fellow LDR peeps, more specifically ones who are on the same boat as me (with super strict parents), how did you eventually tell your parents about your long distance boyfriend? How do you tell someone who's narrow-minded on this and will always try to fit back and not listen to you? I want my mom to be happy but I am also really happy with this guy. HELP A HOMEGIRL OUT PLEASE. ; __;
This is my first ever "serious" LDR. All advice will be appreciated. <3
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